The summer everything changed | C.F

    When I woke up there was no one in the room, I was the only one still in bed. So I got up putting my cochlear on before going to try and find everyone. If I hadn't seen everyone's stuff I'd think they left me here by myself. The only one whose bag was missing was Conrad's. I cracked the door open and heard talking right outside the door. Specifically between Conrad and Belly. Curiously I made it unknown to them that I was there and I was listening. Neither of them had noticed I cracked the door. It felt wrong snooping but I couldn't help it, I was too curious.

    "Can we talk?" I heard Conrad and nervously swallowed.

    "Yeah actually. I wanted to talk to you too." She responded, they were both nervous and awkward. It made my skin crawl nervously.

    "Um, I'll go first. About last night, I was just pissed about you and Jere. I guess I was just trying to screw that up." He spoke then took a deep breath, he was so shaky. "But I don't want to get between you guys anymore. So just forget what I said last night. We're cool, we're friends." He sounded like he was trying to convince himself.

    Belly scoffs softly. "Yeah friends." I saw Jeremiah approach and I opened the door fully stepping out of the room.

    "Breakfast?" Jeremiah asked us all and Conrad shook his head.

    "I was just heading out." Conrad spoke and I furrowed my eyebrows confused. Looking up at him. "Front desk says there's a bus at 8:30, I'm gonna go back to cousins." He explained. I don't know why but that made me upset.

    "Are you sure? Cause I was going to go back and swap cars."

    "You can just take my car. I'll get your car back to Boston." His voice sounded different a little scratchy. "It's no biggie." He was so clam though. I was so confused on why his behavior changed. "See you guys Fourth of July?" He asked and I further furrowed my eyebrows.

    "I'll be there." Jeremiah said nodding, I think we were all confused.

    "I wouldn't miss Susannah's favorite holiday." Belly stated and I nodded agreeing.

     "Make sure they get home safe." Conrad affirmed and Jeremiah nodded. "Bye." He walked away, I stood by them for a second then looked back at Conrad.

    "I'm gonna go talk to him for a second." They nodded as I didn't wait for a proper response. I just ran after him, I looked around then turned and he was leaned against the wall of the building by the vending machines. He looked at me and looked away. "Con—"

He cut me off. "Liv, I'm not ready yet." He slid his back down the wall till he met the floor. I am so confused, I wasn't sure what he means. I got down to his level crouching so I could see his eyes. Searching for something, anything.

"What?" I questioned.

"I-I don't want to hurt you again." I could tell he was upset I could see it on his face. His hand was on his chest and he only does that when he's having a panic attack. Or going to have a panic attack. I didn't even know what to do or say.

    "Con?" He looked and me then shook his head keeping his eyes away from me.

    "I'm still not over Belly, Liv." His eyes were closed, my heart jumped to my throat. My palms became sweaty. I figured that was the case but I never thought he would say it out loud. I could feel my body reacting to the words he said, like it was a knife stabbing right into my back. But I tried to remain calm. "A-and I don't wanna hurt you again. I-I promised I wouldn't hurt you." There was tears in his eyes and I wasn't sure what to do. I wasn't even sure what to think. "I'm sorry Livvy. I'm trying." I sighed taking a deep breath in. Then I hugged him. He pulled me as close to him as he could squeezing me like he didn't want to lose me. I know how hard it is to get over someone, I mean I tried so hard to get over him. I couldn't do it but maybe he could. He was trying to be good and show me his word was true.

"It's okay Conrad, we said slow remember?" He nodded not saying a word but he was shaking. "If you're not ready that's okay." I was trying to be as supportive as I could. I knew that even though he just said what he did. That didn't mean he didn't still mean what he said to me. I didn't want to let him go. I could feel him calm down after I spoke and he slowly pulled himself away from me.

"I know but I'm sorry." He sniffled through his nose and let me go completely. He looked at me giving me a small smile, I'd rather it be a small one than a fake one. "You should go." He moved the hair out of my face. I shook my head and he nodded. "Yes, I have to catch a bus anyway." It seemed like he was just acting strong so I would leave him. I have no idea what is going on in his head. I wish I could read his thoughts.

"Why can't I go with you?" I basically begged. "I don't want to go with them." He nodded kissing my forehead with a chuckle.

"Your mom will flip, plus I think I need to be alone for a bit. Sort myself out." He explained, even though I really didn't want to. I stood up, him following behind me. "I promise this isn't the end for me and you, okay?" I nodded giving him one last hug.Then I slowly walked back to the room. I kept looking behind me to see him but he started walking towards the sidewalk. Eventually he disappeared and I hope he would keep his word.

The truth is, he was so worried about being like his dad. But in reality, Conrad is the most a person could be like Susannah without being Susannah herself. He's kind, thinks about other's feelings before his, and shuts down when he doesn't know what he's feeling. Conrad was living proof that Susannah was still here with us. I don't think he will ever have to worry about being like his dad. He's not the one who takes after his father. I just hoped he really meant his apologies this summer because I can see a future with Conrad in it. I always have. I just hope if Belly ever decides she doesn't want to be with Jeremiah. He doesn't run back to her. Maybe that is what made him want to be with me again. But we will see who's the more loyal brother.