One Day At A Time - Revised Edition

Lilly's small— reasonably sized— small— crush on Ava had started the summer before seventh grade at the annual Renaissance Fair.

The Renaissance Fair is considered one of Ava's favorite places in the entire world, even though she's only been one time.

But that one time made her ecstatic.
It was the one place where she was alright with rowdy, loud noises.
She was happy that so many other people were happy about dragons and knights and princesses the same as she was.

Though, Lilly doesn't remember the loud noises of other people at the fair.

She remembers vividly the fluttery feeling in her chest when Ava excitedly grabbed her hand and took off running towards a booth filled with plush dragons and wooden toy swords.

It wasn't a new thing, Ava held Lilly's hand anytime they were in a place where they could get lost. (Which meant any place, as Ava had the tendency to run or wander off when something caught her eye.)

But this time, something new bloomed in Lilly's mind when their hands touched. Forming quick and for no rhyme or reason. A spark, some would say.

Ava never stopped smiling that day, she was grinning so much that her cheeks were achey by the end of it.

She also never let go of Lilly's hand, which caused a whirlwind of confusing and new emotions; caused Lilly to fixate on the spark.

After running around with their hands clasped together all day, Lilly went to bed that night, internally screaming with the plush dragon that Ava had insisted on buying- having her mom buy- her held tightly in her arms.

Sleep did not come easy that night.

Now, they're both in the beginning of their junior year of high school. It's been roughly four years since that visit to the Renaissance Fair and Lilly's small crush had grown into a pretty big crush. More than a crush by now, at that.

She's tried subtly telling Ava how she feels, but it hasn't worked out too well.

Things like ending every goodnight text with a heart, hugging her noticeably tighter than any of their other friends, and giving her any heart shaped thing she can find, hasn't worked out in the way she's intended.

By the nature of being autistic, but Ava hasn't picked up on any of the hints or gestures.

She sends a heart to Lilly in response out of habit and she worries every time whether or not she has to find something to give to her in return.
The idea of getting little gifts "just because" still doesn't make sense to her.

And no matter what, Ava is always very happy about all the tight hugs she gets from Lilly.

Though, she truly does see all of these gestures as platonic, as normal best friend things; she didn't have a best friend before Lilly, what else is she supposed to know?

Lilly has almost confessed her feelings to Ava directly (after subtly has failed her time and time again), getting so close to saying it. But every time, she backs out at the last second, changing the subject at random.

Ava's eyes are stuck on the TV screen, but every few minutes, she looks at Lilly, softly smiling.

Lilly has been watching Ava play Skyrim since sixth grade and after playing it for so long, it wouldn't be far fetched to think it would get boring for Ava to play and for Lilly to watch, but that couldn't be further from the truth.

By now, Ava has played through nearly everything, but is still finding new things to explore. No matter how long she's played it for, she'll never get bored of it.

In turn, Lilly has never gotten bored of watching it, because Ava makes every new play-through interesting; creating characters with their own backstories and talking about them as she's plays.

Her imagination, her creativity when playing, is why it's never been boring to watch her play. (How she can come up with stories so quickly has always been curious, though there's always the persistent, nagging thought in Lilly's mind that takes center-stage. Odd curiosities take the back burner.)

Lilly thinks about telling Ava how she feels right now.
They're in private, she could say it; rip the bandaid off.

As if on cue, Ava turns to her, asking curiously,
"Are you okay? Something on your mind?"

Yes, always something on her mind. She's typically good at keeping that fact hidden, but sometimes it slips, and she's a pensive, wide-open book.

But this time is no different than every other attempt, Lilly backs out before her nerves have the chance to go into overdrive.
"Nothing."
"Okay." Ava says simply. She can read her quite well, but she knows not to push.

Lilly has to go home some cluster of too-fast minutes later.
When she tells this to Ava, she's met with a disappointed sound between a groan and a whine.
"Can you stay for... five more minutes?"
"No, I'm sorry. I want to stay longer, but we have school tomorrow." Lilly says, standing up.

Ava puts her arms out and Lilly fits into them easily.
Lilly gives her a tight squeeze for the same reason she does her handshake with Rose, out of routine.
Out of routine and a love of tight, tight hugs.

After a few (never long enough) seconds, Lilly lets go of her and slowly walks out of Ava's bedroom door, lingering in the door frame for a second.

Damn school nights and early mornings, she really does wish she could stay longer.