Broken I

ARNA

Enna panniruka paithiyakari.

"Sorry, na appidi-" I started, trying to clarify that he wasn't my opponent nor I mean to raise my voice against him.

"You are right, Arna. Books reality agathu," he said, chuckling dryly.

"Illa... Na appidi mean pannala..." I said, struggling to explain what I truly meant.

I shouldn't have dismissed his points like that.

Wtf did I say ? That his points worth writing only in a book ? For god sake! He was trying to explain the importance of not letting others' perspectives affect us.

I realised how harsh my words sounded. Hridhan was trying to explain how the perspectives of others shouldn't affect us, and he was right. We shouldn't let others' words destroy our peace.

But what if they keep barking into our minds, like hollering that I'm mannerless so I can hear them ? How can I just ignore that ? Even if I manage to walk away, will they stop gossiping ? No, they'll spread it like wildfire.

There was an incident where a stranger looked at me scrutinizingly. I didn't know why until I realized someone had shared personal things about me, like how I couldn't satisfy my ex-husband.

Now, where do perspectives fit into all of this ? Till now, I haven't opposed Hridhan's points.

He was right, but it should be that perspectives should be kept within themselves. That would be correct and wouldn't affect anyone, especially personal perspectives.

And about husbands controlling their wives-no amount of money will make me back off from my point.

Even if husbands like Hridhan wish not to control their wives, society will test every ounce of patience they have.

Everything falls on women.

If she's not married, it's her fault.
If the groom runs away, it's her fault.
If she doesn't get pregnant, it's her fault.
If her husband dies, it's her fault and what not ?

It's like if she sits, it's her fault. If she stands, then it's also her fault.

This society will never let a woman live in peace. They will torture her physically or mentally. I've seen both. I've endured physical torture and now I'm going through the mental.

I am grateful to have Hridhan, who doesn't wish to force me. But what if I had ended up with someone else, someone like my ex-husband who wanted to control me ? And this family mental pressure.

Unimaginable.

The last question I asked him was personal. Too personal.

Because he himself can't be him. Today, Nithya and I had our breakfast and lunch in the floor. Why ? Just because our mother-in-law was there. These are the traditions and unsaid rules of this family.

They suck like shit.

Both Hridhan and Abhijay couldn't do anything against them. So what does it mean? As I said, no one can truly be themselves. They are forced and molded by everything and everyone around them.

Abhijay and Hridhan are both admirable individuals in their own right. I wholeheartedly appreciate Abhijay's respectful demeanor towards me, despite being elder and my brother-in-law. His approach to communication and interaction speaks volumes about his character.

As for Hridhan, I find myself still navigating my understanding of him. I wonder if his actions are genuine or merely a facade.

Since the first moment I laid eyes on him, he has maintained a respectful distance from my personal affairs and has never overstepped any boundaries.