One Day At A Time - Revised Edition

Chapter Fourteen

"Why do you... why do you love me?"
Once again, the word, "love" is big and strong, shooting out of her mouth and into Lilly's chest.

It has more weight to it than the word, "like," which Ava has rarely used.
She knows that Lilly doesn't just like her.

The second (very loaded) question has a more in-depth answer than the first.

Lilly thinks back to the day she told Lucas and Rose about her feelings.

The mess of words that came out of her mouth were frantic and panicked, all in the jittery excitement and passion of a new crush.

But, as they've grown up, the initial fire of her feelings towards Ava have settled into something deeper than a crush.

The flame hasn't died out, the roaring fire has just calmed down. It still burns bright and warm.

She looks at Ava, straight on, who's waiting patiently.
Her patience with her is among the many things that Lilly loves about her.

"Do you want the full answer?"
"Yes."

Lilly takes a deep breath, then starts with,
"You're really kind. That's one reason."

Her face feels warm.
She's thought about it a billion times, all the things she loves about Ava, why she loves her, but those thoughts are harder to say than to think.

But she keeps going. Ava deserves the full answer.

"You've always been there for me. You're always there when I need someone to talk to."

Ava smiles at that.
She's worked hard at learning to be a good listener throughout the years.
She is happy her work has paid off. (She doesn't even know the half of it, how she's helped Lilly. That is something she may never know.)

"Oh... wow." is all Ava can say after a handful of gushing minutes.
She is smiling happily and Lilly's mind might be playing tricks on her again, but Ava's face looks vaguely flushed and pink.
At least now, they're in a reasonably lit room as opposed to a dark street on Halloween night. So, she might not be seeing things.

That smile fuels Lilly to keep going. (And why stop, anyway? They've already kissed- twice- this seems on par with that level of intimacy.)
"Also, you're really passionate and resilient and one of the smartest people I know."

When she says, "passionate," she gestures towards the, "Province Of Skyrim" poster on the wall and Odin the Dragon, who sits behind her on the bed.

"You're funny and so sweet. And..." Lilly goes on and on, spilling out her heart faster than she can speak.

When she's done, she catches her breath.

Ava is red in the face and softly beaming.
Lilly is smiling back at her, "That... is why I love you." (In a few hundred words or less!)

Ava doesn't know whether to hug Lilly or kiss her.
She goes for the first option.

She pulls her in for a hug.
A tight hug that's longer than the one they'd started with a little while ago.

"I never would have guessed that. That you felt all that."
Ava feels so much being lifted off of her chest. Everything was set to rest. Her stomach doesn't hurt anymore.

Lilly is still processing the fact that she told Ava everything.

She's happy she did, because now her mind can be at ease for the first time in a long while.

Ava's heart feels warm and so, so happy.
She wants to kiss Lilly more than she ever has. (Within the last day of knowing she wants to.)

She wants to peacefully sit in the love that comes from it.
She's still wrapping her head around all that Lilly said, having it swirl around in her mind.

"I'm so happy, I could kiss you." She thinks out loud. Happy and feeling less heavy, and she still wants a third.
Lilly looks at her, her heart thumping wildly in her chest because this feels like a dream- and she replies honestly. The truth does her good.
"I'm thinking the same thing."

Their first kiss was done in frustration and passion and a million things coming to a head.
Their second kiss was done in Ava's curiosity, processing the physical feeling of being loved, wanting to be loved physically.

But now, their third is done out of relief and understanding.

They take their time with this one. It's all so new, it'll feel new for a while, if they keep doing this.

Ava sure as hell wants to keep doing it. This is her new favorite feeling and Lilly has dreamt of doing this for so damn long- so she's not in any place to stop what they have right now.

What they have right now- whatever it is- is something interesting, to say the least.
There's something between them: love that's explicitly been stated on one side, but not on the other.

By Ava wanting to kiss Lilly and her excitement with being loved, it does make Lilly wonder if Ava has feelings for her, too, but she's happy in the moment right now.

"Let it come up, if it comes up," that mantra still partially applies, she thinks. "Let Ava bring it up, give her time."