the only exception

 "Can I go to Hayden's house tonight?" Phoebe asked sweetly, leaning against the counter.

Hayley set the kettle on the stove, slowly turning back to the teen with concern, "You sure you're up for that?"

"I'm fine," the teen mumbled, crossing her arms, "Please?"

"I don't know, buddy. This is the first time I've seen you leave your room in days. Are you absolutely sure you're okay to be going somewhere?"

"I'm fine," She answered, mustering up her best smile. So what if she hadn't left her room in a few days? She was mourning- though she's still undecided if she can even call it that.

"Okay," Hayley nodded slowly, "What time?"

"Party starts at nine."

"Party? Phoebe we-"

"I know." Phoebe nodded, "I know- and I promise I'll be back by curfew and I won't get in the car with someone who's been drinking and I'll text you every hour."

Hayley sighed, eyeing Phoebe suspiciously. She wasn't sure how she felt about Phoebe going somewhere- much less to a party with everything that's happened. That first day after Erin passed she'd cried, but ever since then it'd been silent. Hayley had to practically bribe the teen to so much as eat a meal.

"Please?" Phoebe asked after a second, voice growing sad. "It's New Year's Eve and I haven't seen my friends in forever. I don't wanna miss out on it."

"Okay." Hayley replied quietly, clearly not very happy with the idea, "Okay, yeah. You can go, but you're eating a good meal before you do and me or Taylor will be driving you there and back."

"Well, actually, I was gonna see about going to Emilys to get ready? Her sister will drive us- completely sober, I promise." Phoebe grinned nervously. Hayley doesn't think she has the heart to say no- this is the first time she's seen Phoebe excited about something in days.

"Okay, but I'm taking you there and we're getting food on the way. I'm serious." Hayley decided, waiting for Phoebe to agree before moving on- "When do you want to go?"

"Like, now, if that's okay?"

"That's fine, go tell your dad I'll be back in a bit and ask if he wants me to grab him anything to eat." Hayley instructed, turning around to replace her mug with a to-go cup.

Not even 10 minutes later they're in the car ready to go. It's a quick stop to get food and Phoebe is slow to pick at the meal even though Hayley thinks she must be starving. It's tragically familiar in a way that makes Hayley's stomach turn, but she doesn't say anything about it.

"I hope you have fun tonight," Hayley says once they're nearing Emily's house. "Really, you deserve it."

Phoebe stays silent, but offers a small smile. Hayley thinks this is the first thing that's happened that Phoebe hasn't talked to her about and it's killing her not knowing if her kid is really okay or not. She's almost certain she isn't, but can't help feeling like it isn't her place to push. Not when it comes to this.

"Taylor and I are going to Zacs tonight, but we'll be home around one or two." Hayley adds on after a few seconds, keeping her eyes on the road. "We'd prefer you get home around one? A little bit past that is fine, but just try to be home before us."

"M'kay." Phoebe hummed, still taking the tiniest bites of her food.

"And if you aren't able to get a ride home, you call us, okay? Doesn't matter what time."

"I know, I got it." Phoebe said after a moment, her voice quiet.

Hayley sighed, feeling like the bubbly Phoebe that was around 30 minutes ago has already slipped away again. "I love you, okay? I just worry."

"Love you too." Phoebe said easily, though still quiet. "I'm fine, really."

"Okay." Hayley nodded, even if she didn't really think so. She quickly put a smile on her face and tried to change the subject. "Are you excited to hang out with your friends?"

"Yeah, I guess." Phoebe nodded, her voice a little louder. "Hayden has really been on my ass about ignoring him, so it's- you know."

"First off, language. Second- you're going through something very difficult and he doesn't get to be upset with how you handle it." Hayley said quickly, her eyes narrowing. "Don't let him be mean, okay?"

"No, yeah, it's fine." Phoebe assured, certainly not wanting Hayley or Taylor to like her boyfriend any less than she knows they already do. (Even if Hayley does try to hide it.)

Hayley hummed, "I'm serious though. Never let any guy, or girl, or anyone you're in a relationship with treat you bad."

"I won't." Phoebe assured as they pulled up to Emily's house- clearly not wanting to have this conversation. "Love you, thanks for the ride." Phoebe hummed, leaning over to give Hayley a quick kiss on the cheek, "Bye!"

"Love you," Hayley parroted as Phoebe all but bolted from the car, "Make sure to text me or T!"

"Yup," Phoebe replied quickly, shutting the door and heading up to Emily's front porch. She loves Hayley and loves feeling cared for, but she doesn't want to be thinking about anything negative right now. Being around Hayley and Taylor makes her feel vulnerable and right now she just wants to forget.

She keeps to her promise though- texts her groupchat with her parents every hour- and when they left Emily's house- and when they got to Haydens.

While drinking or taking a hit is very tempting- Phoebe decides against it (even through Haydens snarky comments- he's just being bitter, she thinks.) She does her best to ignore the want to drink, ignore Haydens hatefulness and the way he grabs her arm just a little too tight. She doesn't want to repeat the pattern she's seemed to be living in when it comes to parties.

She's doing good at staying calming, having a good time and dancing with Emily and talking with her friends. She's doing good at staying positive.

But just as the clock is about to strike midnight- it all comes crashing down.

She feels uncentered and sick. It throws her through a loop because she didn't take anything- she was very set on it- yet she still feels like maybe she did. After pushing Hayden away from her and stumbling into Emily, Phoebe's almost certain she could cry from how much she's freaking out.

"You okay, babe?" Emily asked, laughing a little through her own intoxication.

Phoebe shook her head, vision slightly blurry. She opts for shaking her head no instead, almost certain no words would come out if she even tried.

Emily seems to sober up almost instantly, though she's still a bit lousy on her feet as she pulls Emily away from the crowd and into the guestroom bathroom that's typically off limits during larger get togethers like this.

"What's wrong? You didn't even drink, right?" Emily asked steadily, lowering Phoebe to the ground in the bathroom in case she got sick.

Phoebe opted for shaking her head again, "Don't think so."

"What?" Emily asked, "Pheebs, I can't understand ya."

After a moment of silence- and not even a nonverbal response from Phoebe, Emily started to panic slightly. "Okay, I'm gonna call Jackie. Is that okay?"

Phoebe hummed in question, leaning forward until she was slumped against her best friend.

"I said I'm gonna call my sister." Emily repeated, trying to sound loud and clear, but still barely receiving a response from the other girl.

___

a/n

me vs not giving phoebe a break idk