For life | ??? (Yang Jungwon)

i then rushed towards jungwon's, locking myself inside. i flopped myself on his bed, wrapping his blanket around my body.

if only it was your arms around me right now, jungwon.

i turned to my side, bawling my eyes out. i kept remembering that day when jungwon asked me about this exact thing.

"say, what if i left for... a while? then return like nothing ever happened, would you be mad at me?"

i would have punched you in the face if i knew it was today you were talking about.

"you coward." i said, punching his pillow. "i thought you said you were the bravest vampire of all," i sobbed even more, while still punching his pillow.

it smelled like him, his whole room did.

clean laundry and baby powder with just the slightest tint of men's cologne.

"yet you couldn't even bring yourself to tell me you had to go for training." i kept punching his pillow with both my hands and my own face.

"what a jerk." i murmured, struggling to catch my breath. i buried my face into his pillow, now damp with my tears. i couldn't help but reminisce all those moments from just a few days ago.

one stood out the most to me. one in which he said,

"if you were a worm? of course i'd still love you. even if you were a cockroach, i would put you in a glass jar and hide you from everyone, especially jay. the guy will squish you to death if he even knows about you being a cockroach."

"i'm sorry, it hasn't even been a day and i already miss you so much..." i started sobbing again.

after crying and talking to myself for 2 hours straight, i fell into a deep sleep, hugging jungwon's pillow. still in his room.

i found myself kneeling down in total darkness. my heart raced as i had this strong feeling that jungwon was out there somewhere, weak and hurt. i closed my eyes to bear with the sudden pain i had in my head.

once i opened them back, it revealed jungwon, his back turned to me, standing tall but visibly shaken. the pressure of their eyes bore down on him, and i felt a deep ache in my chest.

"jungwon!" i called out, but he couldn't hear me.

shadows flickered around him, each one representing his deepest fears and insecurities. i could see visions of my own face, disappointment carved across it as i whispered, "you've betrayed me."

my heart sank as i watched jungwon's shoulders drop in despair. he gripped his sword tightly, his hands trembling. i walked towards him, hoping to be able to at least offer some sort of comfort.

but every time i reached out to him, an invisible barrier pushed me backwards. i felt helpless, fighting against the darkness that threatened to consume me.

the shadows then morphed into images of jungwon pushed to his limits by ruthless men. i could see him struggling, collapsing to the ground, guilt in his eyes.

"aera..." he muttered, his eyes slowly drooping, before tightly closing. "jungwon!" i screamed, but no sound came out.

next thing i knew, i was gasping for air, tears streaming down my cheeks. i curled my body up into a ball, crying my ass off for the nth time today.

it hadn't been 24 hours since he left but i already felt my whole world crumbling into pieces. call me an overreactor all you want but it was the truth.

never, in the 14 months i'd lived with him, had he ever made me feel so miserable. sure, it wasn't his choice to be away from me, but still.

i couldn't imagine how coming days would be.

jungwon, please hold on for me.

•••

i'm sorry lol...