My Poems and Other Writing

The patronizing sound
Of lingering cheap happiness
Clawing at my feet
It begs me to feed it
It wants my full attention again
The way it held onto me
Reaping away all of my sadness
Only for a moment
Until it made me feel numb

It leeched into my heart
and became my need
All my time, all my effort
Was put into that monster
It swelled into a big, slimy thing
Wanting more until I finally gave out
The monster made my thoughts
focus on all things it wanted from me
It made me leech off of it as well
Until I leeched and leeched
Corrupting a young soul
And then I realized
I'm the monster, too.
This monstrous being took many forms
And to me, I thought it was a desirable escape to happiness.

It's not what I wanted anymore.
It became a desperate escape room with a ticking bomb holding me in place.

I held my breath way too many times
To defend it, saying it was okay
I wasn't a monster, too
For a moment, I lied to myself
And I believed me.
I craved an addiction that multiplied
Into mirrors, into pity, into sobs
And crying for help.
I became a tool to fabricate, and I hated it.
This monster caved into my soul and twisted the roles.
I didn't want to say it.
But I needed to take responsibility for the damage I caused to my health
I felt lonely, and I felt like
I kept spiraling in a circle of darkness
This dark age era has lasted 8 years
It's time for it to end.

I've been nothing to myself
for a while now, monster.
It's time you become nothing to me.

But listen to me, monster,
I am a lilac in a garden
With flowers, stars, and ghosts
Leaving drunken towns and holding onto hearts.
It's back to the beginning.

  I am pretty, and I am smart.
I am learning, and I have heart.
No longer will I feel
like I never belonged
Because of my addiction.
No, I never belonged
to my monster or my addiction.

I was always my own owner.
I'll figure out what I'll do with my issues
The impact I have been proven I've done.

I won't belong to monsters for a while.
I won't go down this trip
It only leads to death.
And we all know how late it will come.