Romcom: Not a Love Story

HIS SIDE OF THE STORY

My heavy body is resting on the bed, the soft fabric is touching my skin, I could feel how the mattress is slowly swallowing me. Gusto ko nalang mawala, kahit isang minuto lang.

Nakatakip sa pagmumukha ko ang isang libro. Naibigay ko na kay Lindsey ang sketchbook, at hanggang ngayon ay nanginginig pa rin ako. I saw how her eyes flare, her fist want to slap me. I already know her feelings toward me, but it is still like a bullet coming straight to my heart.

Napakuyom ako ng kamao.

I am indeed the vallain in her story. . . a memory suddenly plays in my mind, it was a memory I am trying to forget. An accident that I already buried as the year goes by. Noong gabing 'yon, humihikbi ako dahil maghihiwalay na sina mama at papa. I tried to stop mom. I was crying heavily and uttering a word, my mom is driving a car and she just slap me to stop crying-saying no words from me can stop her.

After December 24th, after the accident, everything change. Tulala ako noong kinausap ng mga pulis, hindi ko alam ang sasabihin. Hindi pa rin ma- proseso ng utak ko ang nangyari.

Matapos ang pangyayari mas tumahimik ako, naging tampok ng katatawanan. Hindi ako pumapasok tuwing umuulan. . . dahil bigla nalang nanginginig ang mga kalamnan ko. Parang bumabalik ako sa dati, pilit pinapaalala ng ulan ang pangyayaring gusto ko ng kalimutan-everything is my fault, that is what my family always told me. Kung hindi lang ako nagmatigas hindi mangyayari ang aksidente.

Gusto ko nalang suntukin ang sarili. I am so wrong, I am the worst person on Earth. T-that innocent child is Lindsey's brother-and I ruined his life.

Funny how the vallain in her eyes is inlove with her, and now figuring out how to forget her. Trying everything to get out of this sink hole.

I close my eyes, I see nothing but I can still hear the voices inside my head. It plays on repeat and seems won't stop. Isang doorbell ang nagpatigil dito, nagtataka akong bumangon. No one visited me in this hour.

Nang makatapak na ako sa harap ng pinto nanginginig ko itong binuksan. My whole body become tense, I felt like my heart suddenly stop. I try to utter a word but I just stumbled.

"W- wala po akong ginawang kasalanan..."

The figure infront of me suddenly take a step and hug me tightly. "My son..." my mom whisper softly.

Tila panaginip pa rin ang mga nangyayari sa isip ko. She's here, my mother is here. Binibisita niya lang ako kapag may nagawa akong gulo... but she suddenly appear in front of my door, hugging me. Naramdaman ko ang pagtulo ng luha.

My mom cupped my face at tinanaw ako. "Kumain ka na ba anak?" Tumulo ang luha niya.

Hindi ko rin alam kong bakit ako umiiyak, maybe because all those years ngayon ko lang naramdaman may mama pala ako. Nandito pala siya. She exist, not just in my memory and imagination.

My mom walk straight on the ketchin, I was silently following her. Kinuha nito ang mga kagamitan at sinimulang magluto. Pinahid nito ang luha, ang mahihina nitong paghikbi ay pumupukaw sa katahimikan.

I am just sitting on the stool like a 10 year old kid. Ten years ago I did not just lost my will to live-I lost a family, a mother. And now she's back after 10 years, cooking something for me that she should have done 10 years ago.

Namatay si Dad dahil sa depression at parang nawala na rin ang kaluluwa ko. Bumangon lang ako sa matinding pagkakahimlay noong makita ko ulit si Lindsey... the moment she defended me when I was in highschool, she became my safe place. I feel safe when she's near-in her presence no one can hurt me. But I didn't know I was hurting her.

"M-ma wala po akong..." Nanginginig kong wika.

Pinutol niya ang sasabihin ko by reaching my hand at binigay ang bowl sa 'kin. "Kumain ka anak, wala kang kasalanan okay?" aniya. She sit on the stool infront of me.

Tumingin ako sa bowl, bigla ko nalang naramdaman ang panunubig ng mga mata. Nagsimula akong humigop ng sabaw. She cook the most basic food—yet this taste like the most exquisite dish in the world.

Nabitawan ko ang kutsara at napayuko, I see myself crying. Realising all the pain I carried for so many years. My voice crack and this echo in the entire kitchen. Naramdaman ko nalang ang mga palad ni mama na yumakap sa akin. Her touch is unfamiliar, an alien that I never felt in my entire existence.

"S-sorry anak... sorry..." She repeated for so many times. Hindi ko na mabilang.

Hinarap niya ako sa kanya, at nilibot ang paningin sa wall. Napahawak siya sa bibig ng makita ang nakaframe na portrait, it was her. She's the first portrait that I draw. Kunot na ito at may nakalagay na tape. Mas lalong bumaha ang luha niya—she's the one who ruined that masterpiece.

"I keep it..."

My mom hug me again. "Sorry anak, napakaselfish ko... I stop you from chasing your dreams. I'm sorry."

Bumitaw naman ako sa pagkakayakap at hinarap si mama. Gumuhit ng ngiti ang labi ko. "Si Annika, wag mo siyang pigilan. 'Wag mong siyang hayaan na matulad sa 'kin."

Tumango siya at muli akong niyakap. The silence fill the atmosphere. The unexpected visit of my mom, fueled the fire in me, despite everything there's hope. I waited 10 years for this moment maybe, if I wait for another 10 years everything will work out. Just maybe.

Matapos ang gabing iyon, taimtim akong niyakap ng mga kumot. My heart is beating so fast, I was remembering Lindsey's face for the last time. Nagkaayos na kami ni mama, she said, she will support me with everything I do. I want to chase the dream I once dared to dream, to bring it back to life again.

I cause so much trouble, I already hurt Lindsey. This is so much better, quitting showbiz and not seeing her again, eventhough it means torture to me—as long as she's happy. Everything will be okay. I will just make her as my muse, an art that will live within me for eternity. An immortal soul that will be by my side forever—a piece of being that will reprecate her exixtence, but without her emotions.

Hindi ako umidlip, I think of her as much as I can. Dahil alam ko pagkagising ko kinaumagahan magbabago na ang lahat. Mawawala na ang kaisa- isang koneksyon namin.

The four walls of my room feels like sinking, it was like I am in the world I created. Where pain no longer exists, where I am with her—only in my imagination. I fight the night at pinanatiling gising ang sarili, hanggang sa unti- unti na akong kinain ng gabi. I found myself sleeping, waiting for the sunrise, when the sun rises and the moon slips away, my biggest decision in life will be made.