It's you I'm thinking of > Patrick Feely

Patrick
September 29th 2004

I didn't know what it was like to loose somebody, not in the way Ruby had at least.

Both of my older sisters left when they finished school and I hadn't seen or heard from them since which was five years for Marianne and three years for Jackie.

Marianne told me she was leaving for college and she'd be back for Christmas but when December twenty-fifth rolled around, she was nowhere to be found.

And then two years later I found Jackie packing late one night and she told me she was going as far as she could and she didn't plan on coming back.

Dad didn't want girls. He'd told me that on multiple occasions but even if he didn't, it was evident in the way he raised us. Well the truth was he didn't really raise Marianne, Jackie and Erin. I didn't really notice it until I was older.

He was the eldest of three rugby boys and I guess that's what he wanted as well.

When I was little, I thought he was the greatest person in the world. Which is why I could never figure out why my sisters never wanted to spend any time with him. Until I realised that it was my dad who didn't want to spend time with them and not the other way around. That was when I limited my time with him and tried my best to form a relationship with Erin, it was the least I could do. And over time, I began to loathe my father more and more.

I'd not heard much of Ruby's parents, but I knew they weren't around much. She was the one taking care of Oscar, Jesus Christ sometimes it seemed like she was his mam. She was good at it too, being a mam. Which made me worry how long she had been looking after him. She was fifteen with absent parents and a baby brother she had to care for, while also having people look at her the way they do.

Rian O'Reilly was the talk of Ballylaggin, he was going places. I didn't really know much about him, I didn't even know he was Ruby's brother. But from what I heard he could've been the next Noel Skehan. And maybe even better.

And then he was in a car accident that ended his life before he was twenty years old.

It haunted everyone for a while, there were tributes to him everywhere but the most memorable one was broadcasted live on RTÉ Sport. Mayo were playing Kerry in the All-Ireland final during the summer and had a minutes silence before the match. Kerry even fucking dedicated their win to him. It was a loss the whole of the hurling community in Ireland felt. 

And yet the person who was closest to him, the girl with the inky black hair and the dark eyes who I couldn't get off my mind, was left completely and utterly alone. I'd never even heard her or his family mentioned when anyone talked about him, they all said how it was so devastating that such a young talented person was gone. And not about the people he left behind.

It had seriously been fucking with my mind since I dropped Ruby home almost two weeks ago to a, once again, empty house.

"Oi Feely" Hughie called as he jogged up to me. "Any chance of a lift home?"

"Yeah, Gowan lad." I nodded, gesturing for him to hop into the car. We had just come from training, although I could do nothing but think about her for the full hour and a half.

It was a Wednesday afternoon, the twenty-ninth of September. Since that day of my match, I'd only ever seen Ruby with Erin. And it was driving me mad that I couldn't get her alone to just ask how she was.