At First Sight

I can feel the wind in my hair, my curly locks of hair dying to be let free as Dolly gallops across an open field. I glance at Rex running beside me, then I reach up with my left hand and take off my hat. Letting my arm hang out to the side,  I close my eyes and fill my lungs with the crisp mountain air. With a smile, I then open my eyes and see the group of riders all riding care free towards wherever we choose to lay our heads for the night. 

Feeling eyes on me, I look to my right to see Lee quickly turn his head with what almost looks like a small grin on his face. I feel some heat on my cheeks as I return my gaze to the falling sun we are chasing. 

The horses up front start to slow their pace and the rest follow suit, looks like this will be our camp. 

This time, setting up was a breeze. I tied Dolly to a tree and started the fire while the others got started on the hitches for the horses. I gathered dry wood and leaves, then made the perfect stack and lit it on fire with a match. To help the fire along, I carefully remove my hat and lightly blow air to the bottom of the catching leaves. This instantly catches  the rest on fire, making crackling noises. I watch it for a few more moments, ensuring the wood catches before I stand up and dust the dirt off my knees. 

I grabbed Dolly and tied her to the hitch, then I untack her and get started on my tent. I turn to look for my father but he is no where to be seen. Probably off smoking a cigar and taking a swig of whatever is in that flask- I think to myself. 

I throw our tent up and stand back to admire my work. Then I look over at Rex and say "thanks for the help boy" as he walks over and gives my hand a nudge with his head. This means he wants a scratch, which I oblige like usual. I swear sometimes I have clearer conversations with animals than humans. 

Once the sun has set, dinner is ready. We eat beans and biscuits, which I share with Rex. Who could say no to those adorable honey coloured puppy dog eyes? Especially after the high of the past two days. The men continue in conversation, Rex lays on my feet. I listen to the cracking of the fire and zone out until I realize I am being stared at. I blink and look around, quite a few of the men are looking at me... 

"Well, what do you say?" my father asks 

"To what?" I reply with a weary smile

"Sorry guys, she's a day dreamer" My father laughs. I look at him with a blank expression on my face. He tends to say shit like that when he's drinking, with my zoning out I must have missed his flask. My eyes trail down to his hands and sure as shit, there's the flask. 

"Your father was saying you have a beautiful voice, care to help Tom sing us a song?" John asks me, which almost makes me feel as though he noticed where I was looking. 

"I don't have my guitar" I reply

"Oh she doesn't need a guitar" My father says a little too loudly

"I got one" the man who I assume is Tom replies 

I look at my father for a moment before I give in, thinking this is not the place I would like my father to make a scene. At least, any more than he already has.

"Any requests?" I ask the group

There was silence for a moment before Tom asks "You know Caroline?" 

I smile and nod, and he starts strumming. 

Colter wall- Caroline lyrics: (Bold lines are both Lili and Tom together, the rest is Tom singing alone)

There's a place where the sun doth shine
And the birds keep time with the pines up ayonder
That's the home of my Caroline
She's dancing in the sky

Oh how sweet when we meet
On the golden streets of the great white valley
These old chains around my feet
They're pulling me back down

Caroline, oh Caroline
I'll be home just at any old time
The grave and the garden won't be satisfied
Until your name's next to mine

My bones to break and my hands do shake
As I lie in the wake of time's cruel slaughter
But if I die before I wake
I'm gonna see my Caroline

Caroline, oh Caroline
I'll be home just at any old time
The grave and the garden won't be satisfied
Until your name's next to mine

There's a place where the sun doth shine
And the birds keep time with the pines up ayonder
That's the home of my Caroline
She's dancing in the sky

Caroline, oh Caroline
I'll be home just at any old time
The grave and the garden won't be satisfied
Until your name's next to mine

Caroline, my Caroline
I'll be home just at any old time
The grave and the garden won't be satisfied
Until your name's next to mine

As we finish the song, I make short eye contact with Lee. Again I see a small smirk which my face mirrors until I hear my father get up. My eyes immediately switch to his direction and my smirk quickly falls as he walks over and pats my back a bit more aggressively than I think he noticed. 

"That's my girl" he slurs. My smile has fallen and just like that, I am no longer enjoying myself. He  plops himself down on the log beside me and Rex groans. I take that as my warning and stand with him. 

"Checking on Dolly" I say numbly and start walking in her direction, Rex at my side. 

"She's a good kid, reminds me of my mom" I hear my father say to the group 

I roll my eyes and wrap my coat tighter around my torso, noticing how cold it had gotten now that I am away from the fire. I quickly make my way to where I left Dolly, her ears twitch as she notices me and lets out a small huff of air. 

"Hey girl" I say with a small smile 

I pet her neck and she leans into my touch. I set my face on her neck and take a deep breath, the smell of horses has calmed me since I was a kid. After a moment, I grab my saddle pad and unfold it, then I lean it on the tree next to her and sit down on it, facing the opposite direction of the camp. Part of the saddle pad cushions my back and the other gives me something to sit on other than the cold ground. 

Rex joins me, laying between my legs with his head on my left thigh. I mindlessly rub his head and lean mine back into the tree. At some point I must have drifted off, as a man's voice jolts me awake. Rex lets out a soft growl and  I immediately place my other hand on him to stop. 

"I've known that man almost my whole life, until your mother came around, his wife Anne was the fiercest little thing I had met. Fiery little red head. *laugh*  But once she married Joe, that fire snuffed right out. Their daughters, I imagine haven't had the smoothest up bringing but they seem like good girls. Lilibet *laughs* well, she has that same fire her mother used to have. I just hope that man doesn't snuff it out too" 

I recognize this man's voice to be John Dutton's, but I don't hear a response. I imagine the other foot steps belong to Lee, but then again John could have another kid here. Shit, I didn't even know Lee was his son so how would I know. 

Once their footsteps recede far enough I can't hear them anymore, I take my second hand off of Rex and relax back into the tree. Figured there's no sense in walking  back to the tent now and risking waking my father. 

My eyes flutter closed, but my mind wonders for a while. Replaying the conversation I just overheard and then feeling regret and guilt for listening.