At First Sight

I rinse the conditioner out of my hair and let the hot water stream down my back. I sigh and think of how relieved I am. They found Tate last night and brought him home. I barely slept thinking of how I would feel if I was lucky enough to have a child someday, then how it would feel to have that child taken away from me.

I shake my head and turn off the shower. I hop out and dry off, then walk to the kitchen as I scrunch my wet hair with my towel.

"Morning, Red. Eggs?" Lee says as he stands over the stove

I set my towel down on the counter and wrap my arms around Lee's torso, resting my cheek on his back

"Mmm" I reply

"I'll take that as a yes" he says

______________________

As I ride Dolly past the main house to head towards Ellis' place, I hear screaming coming from inside. My heart clenches with each scream I hear... I stop and look over at Kayce and Beth, who have also stopped what they were doing.

"Don't say it" Kayce says to Beth

"Can't say it much better than that" Beth says with a sad face

"If there's anything you need" I say to Kayce

He nods his head in response and gives me a weak smile before he heads over to his truck

"Healing nicely" Beth says, referring to the bruises on my face

"Back at ya" I reply with a nod of my head, then cue Dolly to a walk

We slowly make our way across the valley to where the creek meets my parent's old place, the Yellowstone, and Ellis' property.

I find myself thinking about the dangerous situations I have been a part of since getting involved with Lee. The bar fight, the night I got jumped after my gig, Tate getting taken. If Lee couldn't protect me, and Kayce couldn't protect Tate...what would happen to our kids in the future?

I twirl my engagement ring with my left thumb as we cross the creek. I think of how much I love my bearded man and wonder what our future will look like.

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We set up our tents as Rex fetches a stick for Tate. I look over at him and see the smile on his face. My heart swells at the sight. This is what he needed- I think to myself

"You may need to lend your dog out" I hear Lee say as he wraps his arms around me from behind and kisses the side of my neck

A smile creeps up on my face, as a shiver runs down my spine before I snap out of it.

"Mr. Dutton, this is not the place" I say as I pull his arms off of me and turn around

"I don't know what you're talking about" he says with that grin on his face that says he knows exactly what I am talking about.

"Mhm" I say as I give him a peck and head then gently push him back a small distance and walk backwards

Once the camp is set up and we start to real, John says we have to move everything... So we do

When everything is said and done, everyone relaxes by the fire as I help Gator cook supper. We then eat and joke around until the sun has set and we decide to retire to our tents.

"Good night, Rex" Tate says as he gives him a kiss on the head

I smile and watch him for a moment, before an idea pops in my head

"He'll keep you warm and protected all night, if you invite him into your bed" I say

Tate looks at me for a moment before he looks over at his father

"Up to you buddy" he says with a smile

"Come on Rex, we can share my sleeping bag" he says as he guides Rex to his tent

Rex happily follows, then looks back at me with his tongue sticking out

"Good boy" I say with a nod, then he heads into the tent behind the boy

Lee snores beside me, I lay with my head on his chest and listen to the grass hoppers.

"Do you want kids?" I ask

Lee jolts awake at the sound of my voice

"W-what's wrong?" He asks, unsure of what I said

I smile, then repeat myself

"Nothing, I just asked if you want kids"

He sighs and relaxes, resting his head back on the pillow

"Yeah, if that is something you'd want" he replies as he rubs my arm that still lays on his chest

I don't answer, I just lay there like I was and continue listening to the sounds of the night.

In the morning, I wake up to Rex licking my ear

"Oh bud, that's gross" I say as I wipe the slobber off

He gives me one more lick before he heads back out the tent door. I look beside me to see Lee is gone, which is weird since I always wake up when he does.

I get my jeans, coat, hat, and boots on before I head out of the tent.

I notice the pot of coffee staying warm over the coals. I grab a cup and walk over to where I assume the men are, the river.

As I walk over, I see everyone fishing. Rex sits on the bank, staring at the water as John helps Tate reel in a fish.

I walk over and lean against a tree to watch the sight before me. After my coffee is gone, Lee notices me. A wide smile appears on his face, then he wipes his wet hands on his pants and makes his way over.

"Mornin, honey" he says as he removes his hat and places a kiss on my lips

"Morning" I say in return

"You slept in" He says as he places his hat back on his head

I nod in response, not sure if I should elaborate.

My mind would not stop running in circles last night, I have no idea the what time it was when I finally fell asleep. I know I want to spend the rest of my life with Lee and I have always imagined myself becoming a mother...

How can I tell him that I don't know if I want kids because of what has happened to this family?