Amit & Adam

It was 1945. Germany had lost the war. Hitler was nowhere to be found, but the Russians were haunting any Nazi they could find.

"I have to go." Adam told me as he packed his bags in a manic rush.

I watched hopelessly, we just begun a new life together in Switzerland, "But were safe here, aren't we?"

"You are, yes. I'm not."

Tears streamed down my face, "We agreed to get married after the war was over!"

"I didn't realise- I love you Amit."

I sat on the end of the bed in an emotional state, "I love you too."

He held me close as his lips enveloped mine, his body pressed against mine for the last time.

"Where will you go?" I hiccupped.

Adam forced a smile "I'll find somewhere, if I think it's safe to return, I will one day."

My eager eyes widened, "Promise?"

He smirked, "My other promise to keep you safe didn't I?"

I watched him from my window, he gave me one last wave before disappearing into the night.

Two days later I found myself at Joshua's door. Karin was on holiday with her husband, so I had no one else to turn to. Whilst Tomas moved back to Poland to try to find what was left of our old house.

"Amit?" Joshua asked, surprised to me in a tearful state.

I crashed into his arms, my body was shaking, "I didn't know where to go, I need to talk to someone."

He nodded and brought me into his house, he sat me on the coach, attempting to calm me down.

"What has Adam done this time?" He frowned sounding protective.

I shook my head, "No it's my fault too. I never got a chance to tell him before he left."

"What?"

I rose my head, as I tried to remain composed before my red eyes meeting his, "I'm pregnant."

Karin and Joshua helped take care of me while I was pregnant, although I was quite capable of taking after myself fine. I found great comfort in Joshua during those 9 months, we grew close and you could say we became better friends.

Karin decided she was moving to England with her husband in the New Year. Joshua wanted to go with her and told me it could be a good place to raise a child. Apparently a lot of English journalists were interested in hearing about Jewish survivors' experiences during the war, so I began writing up my experiences.

Me and Joshua moved into a flat outside of London, it was in the countryside but close enough to the city to visit Karin.

"I don't understand what anyone is saying round here." I said as we sat at the dining table in our small kitchen.

"That's why I've been trying to teach you English." Joshua sighed.

I nodded, "Oh but you're so good that can't understand what you're saying either!"

He grumbled in frustration. I hobbled over to unpack the rest of the boxes we brought with us.

"Let me do that later." Joshua insisted.

"I don't want the baby coming back to an unorganized house." I told him.

His eyes glanced down my bump, "What are you going to say about the father, when the baby grows up?"

"Tell him the truth." I stated.

"That he used to be a Nazi and Russians are after him?" Joshua said bluntly

I remained silent as I faced towards the window, he sighed, "Amit I-"

"He could be dead and I wouldn't even know it. I think moving here was a bad idea, what if he is searching for me?" I cried.

"Amit, you were driving yourself crazy staying in that house, everything reminded you of him. You had to get out and move on."

"No. I could have, but now- I mean look at the state of me!" I laughed bitterly.

He walked towards me placing a kiss on my cheek, "I know, it's all I do."

My eyes widened, "What? Even like this?"

Joshua nodded quietly, his cheeks reminded me of a bashful school boy.

I wrapped my arms round me, "Thank you."

He gave me a confused glance, "For what?"

"For being there for me."

He shrugged as he spoke timidly, "Don't be stupid, that's what friends are for..."

****

It was early June 1946, the sun was shining on the day when Frederick was born. Frederick Adam Gypps was as much as a handful as his father, he was an adventurous, curious child who needed constant supervision.

Joshua decided to come over and help me mind him. I only went upstairs to grab my shoes and I came back to find Joshua searching under chairs and tables for something.

"Where's Frederick?" I asked.

He gave me an uneasy smile, "Erm-"

"You lost him again?!"

"He's crawling now, he's a fast baby!"

I heard a giggle from inside the cleaning closet, I quickly scooped him up in my arms.

I rolled my eyes at Joshua, "You only had to keep an eye on him for 5 minutes!"

"I just turned my back for a second!"

I gazed down to Frederick he smiled up at me, he had his father's blonde hair, he basically was a small Adam. I was always full of a bittersweet pride whenever I looked at him. Me and Adam created this beautiful child and he have a clue.

As the years passed, Frederick began to believe Joshua was his father. It wasn't his fault, it was the only father figure he had growing up. So no wonder he was confused when I told him at 9 years old, before the lie carried on further.

"So who is my father then?" Frederick wondered.

I had rehearsed the speech in my head so many times, but when I gazed down to my son who mirror the man I loved. It was difficult to say.

"You look exactly like him. He was a hero, he saved my life and you wouldn't even exist otherwise." I told him trying to keep composed.

He quietly nodded absorbing the little information I gave him, I knew he would have many follow up questions when he got older, but for now this was enough. So I thought.

His eyes teared up, "Is he dead?"

I remained in stunned silence. How could I give an answer that I didn't even know? I didn't want to lie to him anymore.

I held him close, gripping on all that I had left of Adam, proof that he did exist and was once in my life.

"Your father saved me from bad men, but he worked for them but was a good man. They didn't like that, so he had to leave before he was found by them. I haven't seen him since I was pregnant with you." I explained in the best way possible, but no matter how I phrased it he still didn't understand.

"Can't I see him?" He asked naively.

"Frederick, I told you, you can't! Neither can I!" I snapped.

His face whitened, he frowned and ran to his room, slamming the door. I fell to the floor in tears.

Joshua emerged from the garden, "What's with all the noise?"

He noticed me sat on the kitchen floor, he dropped his tools immediately to comfort me. Placing his arm round my shoulders, he sat beside me.

"You told him I assume." Joshua wondered.

I placed my head on his shoulder, "He had so many questions, it got too much."