Idols | LisRene (Revised Version)

LISA

I'm still so lost, unsure of what to believe. Articles about Joohyun and Suho spread like wildfire for a month, labeled as Korea's perfect couple, and the fans only fueled that narrative. I couldn't bring myself to say a word.

I admit, during my time in China, I gave into temptation. I just needed something, anything, to deal with the overwhelming anger and jealousy that surged every time I thought of her being with someone else, but not me. I wanted her to feel the same way.

So, I tried. I found myself in a hotel room with a woman I couldn't even remember the name of. She was an actress, one of the rising stars in China right now.

I was a mess. I wanted to prove to myself that whatever I felt for Joohyun would fade, that it would be different once I tried to move on.

But even as I kissed her recklessly, closing my eyes the entire time, it wasn't the escape I hoped for. It hurt. Because she wasn't Joohyun, and that truth was impossible to ignore. Her sounds, her voice, none of it was what I wanted to hear. I just couldn't do it.

I kept trying, though. I wanted to shut her up, but the more I made her feel good, the louder she moaned my name. I hated myself for it. The stupidest part was when I told her to be quiet or I wouldn't keep going. I was angry, for such a petty reason, but I couldn't stop. Not when things had gone so far.

She was naked, I was almost there too, and she was waiting for more, and I was desperate to feel something—anything.

I tried one last time, not wanting to pull away from her lips, terrified of what sound she'd make if I did. But she wanted more, down there. I gave in, but then I couldn't. I really couldn't. I apologized, and the slap that followed was deafening, a wake-up call I should've had long before.

That was the moment it hit me—I'll never do that again.

***

Since I'm leaving China tomorrow, I'd prefer to leave that memory behind here. Maybe one-night stands aren't really my thing. I don't want to make a conclusion yet, but the whole situation stings. She can't have me, not in any way, and that feels pretty unfair to me.

"Ahhhh, Laliza! You look like you're deep in thought tonight! Lighten up! This is the team's farewell party—why are you sitting here alone?"

I gave ZioRu a small smile. He's a good friend. I've made a lot of friends here, and tonight was meant to be a farewell party for everyone who completed the show.

"I'm just enjoying the peace!" I lied.

"What? Hanging out at the bar counter is for broken hearts. Come back to our table! Sasha's there, and she's not drunk either," he teased with a mischievous grin. "Besides, everyone's been looking for you."

"Most of them are already drunk. And I actually like it here. Less crowded."

"ZioRu!" A feminine voice called out. She made her way to us, and I turned my eyes away as they exchanged a quick kiss on the cheek.

"You're late," he said, chuckling.

"I had meetings to attend to. Who's this?" She asked, glancing at me.

I'm pretty sure she meant me, so I looked back at her. She gave me a startled look when she realized who I was, her dimples showing.

"Wait, you're... BlackPink's Lisa?!" she almost shouted, making the man beside her chuckle.

"Y-yes, that's me." I raised my hand awkwardly, and she quickly grabbed it with both of hers, only for me to pull it away faster than I could blink.

"S-sorry! I'm just... wow! I didn't know I'd see you here. I'm ZhuoRieXimorcl... but you can call me Irene."