Idols | LisRene (Revised Version)

IRENE

I glance at the same message Lisa sent me at midnight before my birthday. It's short—no, the shortest greeting I've ever received—but somehow, it still lifts my spirit in so many ways. At the very least, she still greeted me.

lalalisa_m: Happy Birthday!

I feel like crying. Has it been four months? Six? I've lost count. Every passing day, I wish to stumble upon her by accident—to see her, to touch her—because this situation she's put us in feels like slow torture.

No contact. The only time she reached out was through a DM on Instagram. BlackPink has been constantly in and out of the country these past few days. Pictures of her are everywhere—Lisa spotted with a model fan, Lisa receiving gifts from a well-known TV personality, an actor confessing his love for her on live television. It's too much for my heart to take. And it's even harder like this.

Even at award shows, Lisa sticks to our silent agreement—ignoring me as if we don't know each other. BlackPink and Red Velvet are known to be friends, so we often end up standing next to each other. But we can't talk. We don't even dare to look.

I've caught glimpses of her, though. Bringing juice for Mina, chatting with some boy groups—guys I'm sure are just friends. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous. I always am. So I'd rather close my eyes to scenes like that.

Still, sometimes I catch her staring. And later, she's the one putting distance between herself and them. It makes me wonder—after all these months, with so many people wanting her, chasing her, no longer being subtle about it... will she still choose me?

Will it still be me in the end?

I want to corner her in a room, make her say it—make her tell me that it's still me. That she's keeping her promise to wait for me.

But doubt creeps in. She's a global star, adored in every country, surrounded by people who would do anything to be with her. How can I still believe she'd choose me—someone who isn't even there for her, someone who can't stand beside her openly?

But I have to hold on. I have to—because I still see my necklace around her neck. Because of the way her eyes linger on me when we're in the same room.

Lisa truly loves me. And I have to trust that more than anything else.

***

I take a deep breath, sitting in an upscale restaurant for a family dinner. One of my cousins is preparing for marriage, which is why my father's side of the family has gathered tonight. We're a small family, so these gatherings aren't too overwhelming.

The dinner was arranged not too long ago. As I sip from my wine glass, my heart drops at the sight of Lisa pulling out a chair for a woman I don't recognize. Their table is by the window—intimate, romantic even. I grit my teeth, watching as she smiles, the very smile I've been longing to see.

And it's not because of me.

"How about Joohyun?"

"I—I'm sorry, what?" I blink, snapping back to the conversation at our table. The jealousy pounding in my chest makes it hard to focus, but I force a weary smile.

"Any plans for marriage soon?"

"Dad!" I hiss, frustration bubbling up. I've always hated these conversations—especially now, when Lisa is just across the room, completely unaware that I'm here, witnessing whatever she's doing with that woman. "No plans for that."