Idols | LisRene (Revised Version)

19

"Honey, you're not getting any younger. Your cousin is only twenty-five, and here he is, preparing for marriage and a family. What about you?"

"I have work."

"Being an idol isn't an excuse. Personal life matters too. Are you dating anyone? We wouldn't have even known about you and Suho if Dispatch hadn't outed you. Too bad it ended so quickly."

"We weren't even in a real relationship to begin with."

"Joohyun."

"Mom, please. I don't like where this conversation is going. This dinner isn't about me."

"Bae Joohyun, you're almost thirty. At least tell us you're seeing someone."

"I don't have time for that, Uncle. Being an SM artist is hard. Dating isn't exactly a priority."

"Hyun, you need to make time for yourself. No matter how successful you are, one day—"

"I really don't have time for dating," I cut him off.

"Then make time. Try saying yes to someone."

I sigh, my gaze instinctively drifting back to Lisa. If only my family knew.

"Well, what if..." I pause, my words coming out faster than I intended.

Everyone turns to me, waiting.

Should I say it? We're all here—my whole family. But isn't it too soon?

I glance at Lisa again, trying to draw confidence from just the sight of her. If that's even possible.

"What if I'm seeing someone..."

"Then that's great. No problem with that," my aunt chimes in. "Is he an idol too?"

"Rich? Famous? Or a non-celebrity?"

I haven't even finished my sentence, and they're already jumping in.

"I'm seeing someone," I repeat, my voice steady. "But... the person isn't a man."

Silence falls over the table. I expected this.

"Just what if," I add quickly.

"Wait, what?" My mother laughs nervously, tugging at my father's arm.

"Are you telling us you're attracted to women, Hyun?"

"What if, Dad? What if?" My voice shakes slightly at his serious tone, like I've just spoken something forbidden. I look away, stealing another glimpse at Lisa.

"Joohyun, do you hear yourself?!" My father's voice rises.

"What if I'm seeing a woman? Would you all hate me for that? Neglect me? Would you—"

"Stop, Joohyun!" His voice is sharp. "No one wants to hear it. You're not liking any woman, let alone being with one. You're going to date a man. Marry a man. And have children with a man!"

If my own family can't accept me... how could anyone else? That's what scares me the most.

"Dear, calm down..." My mother tries to smooth things over, her voice shaky. "J-Joohyun didn't mean it. Our daughter is just..."

I scoff, fighting the urge to listen to more of their excuses. Their faces blur with emotions I can't quite name—confusion? Anger? Disappointment? My legs tremble, every part of me screaming to run. But I keep my expression unreadable. If they remember one thing from this conversation, it should be that I meant what I said.

"Joohyun, please. Let this pass, okay? Maybe you're just confused, and—"

I don't listen anymore. I stand, walking in Lisa's direction. I don't stop at her table, but it's enough to catch her attention.