Under His Grip ( Under Series # 2 )

To the author of Under His Series, to Veinneciare—to the version of me who held the pen even when her hands were trembling with doubt.

To my younger self, the girl who always looked ahead with both fear and hope: I want to tell you to breathe. Stay present. Enjoy the small, beautiful things around you. Stop losing sleep over a future that is still being written. Because here I am, in the very future you worried so much about—I’m surviving. I’m managing. I’m not entirely happy, but I’m okay.

To the little girl who spent far too many days in hospital beds, fighting high fevers and asthma attacks—you are a warrior. Your body felt fragile, but your spirit never broke. In the future, you’ll carry those scars like badges of honor. You made it.

To the child who dreamed of white coats and hospital hallways—I’m sorry. I couldn’t follow that path. Not because I didn’t want to, but because life made it harder than we imagined. Money was tight. Support was scarce. And sometimes, dreams have to shift for us to keep going.

I can’t become a doctor. But I’m choosing a new path. A different calling, one that speaks to who I’ve become. Right now, I’m in the STEM strand, something you never even considered. You always believed you were a HUMSS girl at heart—and that hasn’t changed.

You have no right to speak right now because they’re telling you to be practical. If money didn’t matter, you would have still chosen BS Psychology as your pre-med and eventually continued on to become a doctor. But that dream feels impossible now. You’ll either be pushed toward Engineering—because that’s what your father thinks is best—or anything far from medicine, because your mother knows we can’t afford it.

I’m stepping toward a future I never expected, chasing a dream I never thought I’d have. And even if it's not what you imagined, it’s still worth the journey.

The dream that I am slowly turning my back to. The white coat I once imagined wearing as I walked through the familiar halls of a hospital. The camera I am slowly letting go of, because capturing everything will never give me the stability I need. And the pen I might one day put down, because maybe writing won’t be my forever calling. But for now, I will keep walking, even if I’m unsure where the path leads.

I love you, Terrence Howard Cojuangco.

Maybe in another life, we’ll become what we once dreamed of.

Maybe in that life, we’ll both earn the “Dr.” before our names.

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

See you in Under His Rules—Under Series #3.