suicide notes 「 jungkook 」

i don't know what it is about you

that does this to me,

that lights me up only to extinguish me

after you're done breathing me in

like your cigarettes.

i could blame it on your beauty,

but don't you know that you're more than

your annoyingly pretty face?

do you know how difficult it is to pretend

that i can't feel myself falling for you a little

bit more with each passing day,

that my friends' playful taunts when your

name is mentioned don't mean a thing to me,

that your moods and words don't affect me?

i've come to realize all this,

but what i still can't figure out is,

what is it about you?

why is it you i have to fall for?

and why can't i stop myself,

even when i'm perfectly aware

of what's happening to me

and the jagged rocks at the bottom

of the cliff i allowed myself to free fall from

that will surely rip me apart in the end?

i feel like i've come to know you fairly well,

but we're like two completely

different languages.

and i'm not fluent in you yet.

do you know how many hours a day

i study you,

trying to memorize your characters?

you're so fascinatingly foreign to me, so new,

so beautifully difficult to comprehend,

filled with words i can't understand

that could teach me so many things.

do you know how many times i've

caught myself thinking about you,

translating my thoughts into

your unfamiliar words,

at the most inappropriate of times?

but the more i learn about you,

the more i forget about myself...

i don't want to end up like latin,

the dead language that

people can still see traces of,

but never fully understand...

is that what you feel like?

do you feel like latin?

do you know how much i've been

beating myself over that almost-kiss

that could either lead to the extinction of

both of our languages,

or the birth of an entirely new one,

our words merged together?

but...

do you know how much i wish

for the latter?

-k.m.a