suicide notes 「 jungkook 」

why did it have to turn out like this?

why did we have to fall in love?

why couldn't we remain platonic?

why couldn't we have just fallen for

people that were actually

good for us,

that could say the right things

at the right times,

that didn't have nightmares

because of childhood trauma,

that knew what they were doing?

i'm sorry.

i'm so very sorry.

i'm sorry that i hurt you so much.

i always hurt you.

i didn't mean to.

i wish you knew that, but . . .

i don't know what i'm doing.

i never wanted anything but

to make things better for you,

but i'm ruining everything.

i don't know why the words

wouldn't come out.

i love you, jungkook-oppa.

only you.

i've only ever loved you.

you're my everything,

my entire world.

but would you even believe me

if i said the words?

would it only make it even worse?

would i hurt you even more in the end?

would i, the one who wanted to fix you,

be the one that broke you for good?

would you break me?

neither of us are in any place to be

in love, but

it happened.

it's like a cruel joke the

world is playing on us.

is that why you hate the world?

because things like this happen?

because people who couldn't ever

possibly work out

fall in love?

it's like a dark spell,

or a curse

that's corrupting our relationship,

making us both worse.

i wish i could reverse everything.

i wish i could start over,

do it right this time,

force myself not to get attached,

force myself not to fall in love,

or at least keep you from reciprocating it.

i'd much rather be the only one

hurting.

seeing you like this kills me.

you're my world, but

you're crumbling right

in front of me.

and

i don't know

what to

do.

i don't know

how to

feel.

i don't know

how to

save you.

we're crumbling

like the dead leaves

that fall outside.

and

i don't know

if we can

reverse this curse.

-k.m.a