message // sidemen + minizerk ff

[ continuation of previous chapter :) ]

-//-

Simon slowly let down his phone, turning his head to stare at me.

I tensed, waiting for the confused remarks of why what I said was wrong. It wasn't my place to call Simon cute. For all I know, he could be in love with someone else.

Not that I'm jealous. . . or anything.

"I'm cute? To you?" He mumbled, touching my arm gently. He leaned in closer, never breaking eye contact.

"Y-You don't have to take it that way. I meant to say was that I didn't have the guts to say your outfit was cute verbally."

Simon shook his head, scooting even closer. Our legs brushed against each other's.

"I don't think you did. I think you meant the other one."

"What? How would you know? You're not inside my head. You can't hear my thoughts." I muttered, running my fingers between each other in my lap. Simon reached over and took hold of one of my fidgeting hands. He slowly slid his fingers between mine and curled the tips over my knuckles. His hand was cold at first touch but soft nonetheless.

"I may not be in your head, but I know enough to know what you mean. Z, we've only known each other for a month. Don't you think this is all. . . I don't know. . . going too fast?" Simon whispered, squeezing my hand once. I bit down on my lip until the bitter copper taste laced my tastebuds.

Too fast? Who was the one who made the first advances? It for sure wasn't me.

"Oh, I'm. . . sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." I sighed, untangling my hand from Simon's and scooting closer to the edge of the sofa. Simon stared at the wooden floors and hunched over, resting his elbows on his knees.

"No, it's not that. Definitely not that. I just feel like the world is going too fast around me. I'm so young, but I feel so old. I met you and all of the others, broke up with my only girlfriend, discovered I was interested in dating any gender or sexuality, and now I'm feeling something for someone I randomly stumbled across on Instagram. All this in one and a little of a month. It's going too fast. The world is a blur around me." Simon whispered, suddenly looking defeated. The shirt on him seemed too baggy and loose fitting.

"Simon, you're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"You're always thinking too literal. I know you're at a moment in your life where things aren't working out the way you envisioned it to. All of these sad thoughts need to be pushed away. Appreciate life the way it is. I'm proud of the decisions you've made and how far you've come. Yeah, it's been a month and a little bit but you've achieved so much during that time. Things aren't going too fast. You're the one going too fast. Life just can't keep up with you."

Simon turned his head and gave me a weak smile. "Thank you for the pity, but I still am going to be like this. You just can't change that, you know? I'm focusing so much on the little things like love and relationships. I don't need them right now, I should focus on the present."

I shrugged. "If that's how you feel."

"But it's not." Simon said, falling back onto the sofa. "I don't feel that way. I feel secretive and needy. I feel longing and desire and want all at the same time and I don't know what it is. I don't know why I feel it or for who."