the deluded ones [#2]

july 16th, 2017

a tomorrow without you, it's not a day i want to live.

but, regardless, i will; i will have to.

you're so far away... so so far away...

i'm so tired... so very very tired...

oh, mom, i wish you could hear the words at the back of my throat that i can't bring myself to say. i want you to hold me, mom. i want you to hold me like you used to; i just want someone to hold me.

but i can't bring myself to say it. so, i just try my best to smile and not let myself cry in front of you, mom. i guess you didn't hear me cry last night or this morning too. i guess you couldn't tell i was shaking until i left the bedroom. i guess you just didn't know.

it's so lonely here... i feel so alone...

i guess the end really is near... i want to move on... i've prepared myself and accepted everything... but why can't i move on as fast as you did...?

time for healing... when does it come...? i can't remember anymore... time is a friend... time is an enemy... a time to meet... a time to part... how long will it be...?

i guess that, in the end, the only reason god put me in your life was because you needed someone, someone who could help you, someone who could teach you how to love and care in a real manner like you said to me.

and i guess that the only reason god put you in my life was because i needed someone to make me happy, to help me learn to be happy.

i guess there's nothing left to our story... i guess this is the end... i wish it wasn't the end... i wish there was more... i'm going to miss you... so so much...

is this what it's like to really be broken...? it hurts... it really hurts...

but love is pain... and i'll hurt just once more tonight... just for you...

please be happy... i just want you to be happy...

just for you...