Let go

Ashlyn

'What inspired you to write stories?'

'I think I love the idea of creating a different world and enabling yourself to escape reality. Creating a place that's kinder and better.'

'What made you want to escape reality?' Okay so I completely set myself up for that question. My own damn fault and now I have to think of a way to change the subject under the watching eye of this observant asshole. Not that he is truly an asshole it would just be nice if he wasn't asking such deep questions all the time. 'THERE YOU ARE!' An, like always, excited Hoseok finds us in the hallway and grabs me by the hand. 'Look what I bought today.' He shows me my favorite call of duty game, the one with zombies. I give him a typical gamer look, which is almost identical to the fangirl look. 'Let's play then. Game on!'

I don't know what I am more thankfull for: the game or the fact that he saved me from that conversation with Tae. I easily beat Hoseok which isn't weird because it's his first time. Tae is still watching me from the couch and so is Jungkook. Who gets up to high five me. 'You are good at this game!'

'Well thanks. I'm good at gaming and you guys are good at.. everything.'

'Everything haha?' I mean they can dance, sing and act. Is there anything they can't do? 'Well tell me about one thing you can't do.'

'I can't write like you.' How is he so soft and then from the side he seems to has this jawline that can literally cut you. He is truly stunning, but to be honest all of them are. They are all sitting down as they were intensely watching our game war. Cassia walks back from the kitchen and sees that there is no spot left on the couch, but so does Jimin who just can't help himself. 'No space left Cas except for Yoongi's lap.' He accompanies it with a wiggle of his eyebrows. The thief! That's my signature sign. I'm watching C as are all of the boys now and she simply straightens her back and walks over to Yoongi. Then she looks over to Jimin and drops herself on his lap. She looks all confident while doing it so I guess you need to be the best friend to see the small signs. Slightly widened eyes and twitching hands give her away, at least to me.

Everyone is shouting 'aaaahw' and 'oeeeeh' but since Suga is the only one who doesn't respond to her sitting down in the slightest I can see her get nervous and within seconds she gets up again. 'Let's dance! You guys teach us.' Oh hell no C, why are you doing this.

This is the fourth time we have hung out after cleaning and I'm hoping it's becoming a thing because it's so much fun. But apperently Cassia forgotten last time they walked in on us. It was the second time we were cleaning their house and they came home early. We were blasting their music through their boxes and doing a dreadful version of the blood sweat and tears dance. Using broomstick as our microphones and imatating them. Long story short: we were horrible and they were on the ground laughing at us. I've never been more embaressed in my life, but the dickheads were an hour early!! We didn't know we were spotted otherwise we obviously would have put in a lot more effort. Not that I think it would have been much better. It most probably still would have been the most disrespectful dance in the world of dancing.

Hoseok and Tae are already up and DNA is on. C shouts at me to come and join them, but I'm fine here watching them with Jungkook by my side. To close, he is sitting way to close. She can make a fool of herself and I'm not joining. There is something wonderful though about watching her finally letting loose. Laughing, trying her best and definitly failing. Finally she gives up and installs herself next to Jin who puts a friendly arm around her. There is still one spot short and so Jimin makes sure to throw himself on top of me and Jungkook. 'Ow this seats already taken.' I laugh, but then let him sit on my lap anyways. Is there anyone who can say no to Jimin? I mean you'd have to be a monster to be able to deny Jiminie. He is a baby and so soft and needs to be protected at all costs.

Finally at home it's 2 am. Perfect time to communicate with actual home though as Cassia and I both find our corner to call out parents and friends. When we finish up it's 4.20 and Cassia has a look of regret. She has her internship tommorow and it doesn't look like she will be having a lot of rest. I don't know about her, but I really need to talk. These two boys flirting with me... It might seems like a dream come through, but it's actually making my anxiety flare up really bad. Putting up a show doesn't help a lot either. Because I know she is just as bad as me with expressing her emotions I just start the dreaded conversation. The thing is when you say things out loud they become so real and definitive. 

'So how was Suga's lap.' I say while giving her one of my famous eyebrow wobbles. She giggles nervously. 'I wish I didn't get up, but he didn't even respond or anything. I mean he's so cute Ash, but I don't know if he likes me. I can't read him at all.' All I am hearing is the fact that I need to have a talk with Mister Min Yoongi about his though boy routine. All though I'm not sure it is a routine. 'Listen C the boy can't stop staring at you. I just think he doesn't open up that easily, but when he does he's probably the sweetest. Also you obviously like him lots. You are even clumsier then usual when around him.'

'Oh god. You've noticed.' I really need to contain myself and not laugh right now because you'd have to be blind not to see. A week ago she nearly fell over her own two feet while getting up from the couch. If Yoongi hadn't grabbed her she would have kissed the ground. Meanwhile I see her thinking as we are both champions at over thinking. 'So okay give me the over thinking train.'

'It makes me insecure. He doesn't say anything that shows he likes me. He just.. stares so intensely at me all the time. I can feel his eyes on me constantly and it makes me aware of everything I do, every little move that I make and I feel like it prevents me from being myself sometimes. Also I'm scared to flirt with him or anything because what if he is actually not interested and I embarrass myself. Then he does find a way every time to sit beside me, but maybe he just thinks that I'm interesting and wants to be friends. If even you saw that I'm being so clumsy then they will sure have noticed too. I hate this. I mean I like him but I hate over thinking everything and feeling so hyperalert when I'm around him. Constantly making sure I look my best and all. Where is the carefree me and then yet when he sits next to me I feel this calmness coming over me. All of this at the same time. And I feel ridiculous because we've only met them 4 times and I'm already semi freaking out. Imagine if he actually does like me.  Okay. Now you go.'

'Jungkook finds literally every excuse to touch me and I like it but I also don't. You know I usually don't like it when people touch me and somehow it's fine with him. I think it's more about how often he does it and it catches me ofguard. Next thing I can be sitting with him and we are just both relaxing and enjoying each others company. It's feel really familiar like I've known him my whole life you know. Then there is Tae and all he wants is to find out more about me. Asks about things I don't want him to know. Because if I tell him who says he will still want me you know. I'm so torn and I don't know what to do. Oh yes and then there is the thing that they are both flirting with me. The anxious thoughts come out to play telling me it must be some kind of joke because it can't be that both these boys actually like me. And imagine that they do... that would probably be even worse because then the show really starts. The show being my mentall breakdown. I don't want their friendship to break over me. So I'm trying to stay distant as much I can, but they won't give me a breather. Oh talking about shows I'm pretending to be so confident and I feel like I can crack any moment. Because me and confidence in the same sentence... what a joke.'

Looking at Cassia, who is for once in her life completely quiet, she is in shock. 'I think that's the most I've ever heard you speak in one moment.' Then we both start laughing. 'We are quite a pair aren't we C.'

'Quite messed up you mean hahaha.'