Let go

Cassia

It has been three days of their new and bright loveaffair and that means three days of me sleeping on the couch. Jungkook offered to let me sleep in the bed I share with Ashlyn multiple times, but what kind of best friend would I be if I wouldn't let her have her moment. Luckily they haven't done anything considering I'm a light sleeper and would be able to enjoy the entire show. Although Jungkook has also been offering that she just comes over to their house, but Ashlyn has wiggled her way out like a snake these past few days. I get why she is nervous though and also I don't mind because the thing is if she stays over there she is going to invite me to come too. Where will I have to sleep then? Sharing a bed with Yoongi... that would be weird considering we are still on the I-do-not-know-if-you-like-me-fase.

Jungkook and Ashlyn surely have that figured that out. Since they came back from their, now, notorious bathroom visit and declared that they were together they have not stopped touching eachother. Quite honestly it's adorable but also extremely extremely annoying. Not even mentioning that we haven't seen the other boys in 3 days and I feel like that has something to do with Tae. It was supposed to be a date between him and Ashlyn and it turned into Ash ending up with Jungkook. I will always support her no matter what, but I can't help but feel a bit bad for Tae. He looked so sad when he heared the new and congratulated them both. On the other hand if she would have picked him Jungkook would have been sad. There really are no winners here. Right now they are just adorable together.

The fact that there has been a boy here every day when I get home from my internship and the whole day today has made it impossible for Ash and me to speak. I need details considering I have no idea what happened 3 days ago. So I've subtly hinted that Jungkook should probably get some clean clothes at home. By subtle hinting I mean literally saying: 'Don't you need some clean clothes?' I know Right, subtle is my middle name. The door closes and Ashlyn sprints towards me and drops herself on the couch right next to me. I don't even have to ask.

'So I came out of the bathroom thinking I would just put my arm around him like he did with me, but then he stepped right in front of me. He said he really like me and I was like I must be imagining this right? This can't be reall you know? So I asked him what he had said and he told me if I really asked him to repeat himself and so I said I liked him too and then we kissed and it was magic.'

'OH MY GOD OH MY GOD.'

'I. KNOOOOOOW.'

'So how was it? Theeeee kiss?' I ask while wiggling my eyebrows. She starts laughing and explaining to me what else happend in that hallway. How he had grabbed her hair and how passionate it was and Jesus Christ how is she even still breathing. Reading my mind she excitedly boosts 'I know right how am I still breathing.'

'I must say Ash... that escalated quickly.' We both that laughing profoundly and we can't stop. Untill she gets back up with some uncertainty in her eyes. 'What's wrong?'

'I'm just wondering if we didn't go to fast him and I. We said we liked eachother and we were immediately in a relationship.'

'Is that really so bad though... taking it slow is overrated.' Accompanied with a high sigh she gives me a knowing glare. 'Are we still talking about me here Cas?' Probably Not, I wish I could be like that. Just tell Yoongi that I like him or dare to ask him out on a date, but what If he rejects me? Or even worse what if he says yes and it becomes something and I give him the power to break my heart. Instead of speaking any of my fears out loud I just settle for pushing them away, you know, the healthy thing to do. 'It doesn't matter.' I get a look and to avert attention from me I ask her if her or Jungkook spoke to Tae.

'No, but I'm sure he will tonight. Hopefully everything will be allright.' She gives me a tight smile and I can immediately see the tension rising up in her. Maybe I shouldn't have brought up Taehyung? 'He is so sweet Cassia, but he makes me feel so stressed all the time and Jungkook makes me feel calm.'

'Aren't you just scared?'

'No I really like Jungkook.' And so I choose to believe her. 'You really screwed me over though C. Now Jungkook is at home he said I should definitly come over considering they have Netflix and.. He has a way better bed.' Oh. I can only imagine the stress and panic she is experiencing right now. 'Maybe you should just tell him the truth.' A poisones 'are you absolutely insane' look is thrown my way and that's that.

Considering it's a Saturday we are both free and after Ash has made it clear she didn't want to talk about it anymore we went on our way to meet the guys. Yoongi opens the door and pulls me inside. 'Hi Ash. Ceeee come with me I want to show you something.' I hardly get to get out a hello to the other guys when he pulls me through the living room straight to his bedroom. This is one of those moments in live where I'm really happy people aren't able to look inside my mind. What would he want to show me? Suddenly I get really nervous but Yoongi throws me the sweetest smile over his shoulder. We arrive at his door and he pushes it hard as he keeps on pulling on my arm. Once inside I look around and see a calm white on his walls expect for one that's mint green just like his hair used to be once.

His room is extremely clean and we'll organised although he has a lot of stuff piling in his desk. Manouvering me too his bed 'sit and close your eyes' he says. His eyes sparkle and return his smile as I do what he says. I feel something being put in my hand that feels like an envelope. 'Can I opens my eyes now?' Waiting for him to awnser I can feel him sit down next to me. 'Yes. Open them.' As I open them I see that it's indeed an envelope and I feel the curiosity course through my body. Staring at him he goes to awnser my silent question. 'Just open it and you'll see what it is.' The envelope light in my hand I rip it open carefully and take out the piece of paper inside.

Dear Cassia Lovild,

You have been enrolled in the course: Song writing and music theory. For more information go to our online platform: performancebuilding. You can log into your account with the following name: xmrjjabdHKL. The password is: 19462927.

I don't even read the rest of the letter as I turn you him with my jaw dropped. 'I know you are really independent and you are probably going to say that you can't accept it. Please just think about it. You told us how much you wanted to study music in the past but you didn't get into that stupid, dumb music school. I heard you sing with Jimin that first night and you have a beautiful voice. Talent like yours shouldn't be wasted.' It's the most he had said to me in the almost two months that I know him and somehow I am left completely speechless. So I throw my arms out around him and pull him into my embrace.

'Thank you.' I whisper it into his ear as I pull back and kiss his cheek. 'You are very welcome.' After that he asks me about how I went from music to studying social work and for the first time we talk and talk. Just the two of us in a full converstation. As he tells me about his childhood and the transition into fame. I tell him a bit about my life and how I managed to survive so much. I tell him about the PTSD and depression and how I'm luckily a lot better now. Although I can't quite tell him what caused it all yet, but that's okay because for the first time we truly connect like I knew we could and it was wonderful.