better than this

Blair

"When I was 12 my dad left my mum and I. He was constantly out drinking or fighting with my mum anyway but..." Hunter swallows and takes a deep breath in. "He never called or emailed or anything after that. I really used to admire him so when he just left and never came back..." Hunter tells me, his face slightly crumpled with emotion. I'm surprised at how open he is about it. We've been sitting for about three hours now, watching the sun come up while we talk about everything. Our underwear dried off a while ago and we put our clothes back on. "I don't know why I told you that. I've not really ever told anyone that before." He says, shaking his head and smiling, it makes my insides warm a little.

"My sister was 11 when she died of cancer. I was 15. So the reason that I'm so 'uptight' all the time is because I've never really wanted to give my parents something else to worry about. They really don't need it. I went a bit off the rails last year but...then I realised how worried they always were and had to reel it in for them." I confess and he looks at me, his eyebrows raised in shock. "Shit." He says, it sums it up pretty accurately if I'm being honest. I haven't really told many people that. Even though everyone already knows, people talk and it was in the news. Still, I haven't voiced it to many people and it felt nice to tell Hunter.

"Yep..." I say, wiping the stupid tears that escaped my eyes talking about her. "What was she like? Tell me about her." Hunter urges with a hopeful look in his eyes, I smile. "She was great. You know always dancing and singing, even if it annoyed the hell out of me sometimes. She was lively. You probably would've liked her." I say with a pathetic excuse for a smile. "Well as long as she wasn't a bore like you." He says, gently nudging me with his elbow.  "Blair, you can't let yourself stop living because your sister didn't get the chance to." Hunter tells me, looking right into my eyes, I nod my head and close my eyes, turning my head back around to the horizon.

He suddenly jumps up onto his feet holding out his hand. "Come on. Get up." He demands and I take his hand, standing in front of him. "You can do a hand stand right?" He asks me and I shake my head sheepishly. "I mean kind of but not really. Sorry..." I say, embarrassed and he shakes his head and rolls his eyes. "Ok don't worry. I can teach you." He informs me. "Right, straighten your arms and put your hands out in front of you, in a hand stand position and kick up your legs. I'll hold your legs so you don't fall." He gives me a reassuring smile and I take a deep breath before doing as he instructed. As I'm about to topple over I feel his strong grip on my ankles, steadying me. "Good. Now can you feel the blood rushing to your brain?" He asks me and I confirm it. Well it is what naturally happens when you are upside down. "Right. Clear your head" He says, "and count to twenty. Out loud."

"1. 2. 3. 4. 5..." At first I think about how ridiculous this is but after the first five seconds I stop thinking and just let the nothingness take over. It's strangely peaceful. When I am finished I return to standing position feeling weirdly relaxed and slightly lightheaded. "Did it help?" Hunter asks me, his eyes full of hope. I nod, "Yeh. I think it did. Now it's your turn." I say and he nods his head curtly, smiling. "Of course, nerves." He says and soon enough his head is replaced by his feet and he's in the perfect hand stand position, barely wobbling. He counts aloud to twenty, I keep my hands cautiously a few inches from his ankles in case he falls but he doesn't. When he returns to his feet I applaud him, "You're a pro at that." I tell him and he shrugs. "I need to clear my head every now and then." He tells me but I can tell he's done that more than just a few times.

I look around, realising the sun has completely risen and turn to him. "What's the time?" I ask and he pulls out his phone from his pocket, checking it before responding, telling me it's half 7. "Should we head home?" I ask and he nods his head, making his way back over to the wall and climbing it effortlessly. He sees me struggle, I'm a bit shorter than him, and helps me climb over, not laughing like I'd expect. We walk the 25 minute walk home, still talking all the way and when we arrive he stops outside my door. "So I surprisingly had fun. Thank you Blair, you're better than I thought." He tells me and I smile at him. "You're not so bad yourself." I say and he grins. "See you later, nervy." He says, smiling his perfect smile before taking a few steps, winking and unlocking his door and walking into his house leaving me stood outside looking like an idiot. I shake my head and unlock my own door.

My mum greets me with a stern face and I smile. "Eh hi mum. So...funny story..." I tell her most of what happened last night and she's reasonably fine with it, sending me up to my room happy that I went out and had fun. I pass my dad at the top of the stairs, "How ya doing monkey?" He asks, ruffling up my hair like I'm six. I smile up at his caring face. I know that he can smell the seawater and alcohol off of me but he chooses to almost ignore it, sending me to my bedroom to wash because I "stink". I take off my dirty clothes from last night and grab a towel and a brush before going through to the toilet and hopping into the shower.

The shower is when I do most my thinking, generally it's when I remember Rosie the most. Even at the age of 11 she was still a germaphobe. She liked things a certain way and was always showering and taking baths. I was very close with my sister, she told me about everything and I told her about everything. From boys to makeup to friends to barbie dolls. We'd talk all night when we were younger. I went through my phase of grief, being upset all the time even after my parents had stopped. But one day I realised how much of my life I had been wasting away, moping around at home, at school. So I picked myself up, I got up. Had a shower and cleaned myself off. And now here I am, washing sand out of my hair after being out all night with a guy I had only met that day. If that's not living life I don't know what is.