Mixed Signals.

As soon as the taxi pulled up outside the front door I jumped out and we grabbed our bags and went up to the door and then I just froze.

"You go in. I'll be in in a few moments." I smiled. I unlocked the door and put my bags just in from the door and Flo went in with them. I went over the road to see Sophia. She was already in the front garden with her little boy. I went over and sat down next to her bursting out into tears.

"Woah what's wrong sweetheart?" She smiled grabbing my hand and squeezing it.

"I'm not ready to go back into the stress of all of this." I sighed. "I know it sounds horrible but this weekend we went away was so good, stress free and I got to spend time with my daughter, I was happy and smiling, I felt really good but now I feel stressed, and I feel ill and I haven't even stepped foot into the house."

"I know how you feel. Don't worry. It's quite stressful. it's also strange coming back from a relaxing time to something where everyone feels tense and no one is really doing fine but everyone just lies." She smiled pulling me into a hug as I sobbed into her chest.

"I love him more than anything or anyone ever before but I can't be like this. I need to be strong but I don't want to pretend anymore because I'm scared of hurting him.."

"Erin. I'm going to tell you something and you are going to do it. Okay? You are going to be honest with him, you aren't having a good day? Tell him you aren't. You want to wear joggers and eat ice cream all day you do it. He will understand and it might even improve the relationship between you both." She smiled kissing my head. I smiled and after talking to her for a while I got up and crossed back over to my own house. I went in and Jay was sat at the table with Natalie helping to put him back into his wheelchair. He didn't even see me, he was too busy focusing on trying to get into the wheelchair without falling over. She smiled at me once he was sat down and then he looked over and wheeled himself over.

"I've missed you so much." He smiled stretching up as I bent down to hug me.

"I've missed you too."

"Tell me about the weekend? Was it good? Did you enjoy yourself? How was Florence?"

"It was amazing, we had massages, our hair and makeup done, nails done." I smiled.

"I'm glad you've had a good relaxing weekend. I have something to show you as well." He laughed wheeling back and getting up out of his wheelchair himself and then getting up standing straight before walking back slowly to me, only losing his balance once holding onto the window sill. He come straight over to me and hugged me so tightly. I began to cry on his shoulder and he ran his fingers through my hair.

"I'm so proud of you." I laughed as I kissed his cheek. Natalie bought the wheelchair back and we managed to sort him out back into the wheelchair and I sat on the sofa, Nat sat at the table and went on her phone while we waited for Will to pick her up.

"Thank you for the help this weekend Nat." I smiled.

"You are more than welcome. It was nice too see Harvey as well." She laughed as we got up and I saw her out. I watched them drive off before going over to Jay and kneeling next to him, just giving him another hug.

"Are you alright?" He smiled.

"I'm good. Just lovely to be with you again." I smiled.

**

I felt bad but she helped me to get up the stairs and into the bathroom and then she ran me bath while I sat on the toilet seat so I could stay somewhere seated. She put some bubbles in the bath and then Harvey come running in.

"Hey little boy." She smiled picking him up.

"Mummy." He kissed her nose.

"What's wrong?" She put him down and he went by the door.

"I love you."

"I love you too." She laughed as he left. She closed the door and started getting me sorted out for the bath. All she needed to do was help me out the wheelchair and over into the bath, once I was in then that was complete. I didn't need anymore help but she had to remove my prosthetic for me before and put it back on afterwards. This wasn't a proper leg, this was a temporary leg and my proper one was being fitted in like 8 weeks apparently. As long as I could learn how to do everything with this one I knew I'd be fine with the other one.

**

Once he was in the bath I sat on the floor opposite the bath with his leg next to me. He laid back and shut his eyes and even just watching him like this I could see the pain he was in, he'd been through a lot and it was clear it played on his mind every minute of everyday and I felt selfish in a way because all I was thinking about was myself, the baby and staying healthy. I knew it sounded horrible but I needed to put myself first in this moment of time. As Sophia said I need to be honest because Jay will respect that and he knows how important this pregnancy is for us all.

"Jay." I smiled going over and kneeling next to the bath.

"What's up?" He smiled sitting up slightly. I took his hand and placed it on my tummy gently where we could feel Pip kicking and wriggling. "Wow." He smiled.

"That's our baby." I laughed.

"I can't wait." He smiled gently. He cupped my face in his hand and softly kissed slighty above my eyebrow.