The Diary of Existing

TWO

"Alice wanted to come with me but her mother was sick so she had to take an immediate flight back to New York." My father said as I continued to stare at the dolls. I looked to my side and saw Julia talking to her brother. He visited her every Sunday, sometimes on weekdays but just for a while. The girls started vicious rumors about how her and her brother were in an incestious relationship. I haven't quite decided on whether to believe them or not.

"That girl is having sex with her brother." I said to my father. I had no idea why I said it but I did. "What?" My father exclaimed in disgust. He looked over at them, and at the exact moment he was holding onto Julia's hand. "That's disgusting, does the headmistress know?" My father asked. "Dr. Arbour." I corrected him. We didn't really call her a headmistress because she wasn't. She was a doctor, a psychiatrist for everyone. "She's a doctor not a headmistress." I followed up and my father gave me a faint smile. "You look skinnier, are they feeding you here? They should since we pay a lot." My father said, and once again I found myself correcting him. "Mom pays a lot." I just couldn't stop myself. I saw the look on my father's face. "Sorry." I said and he gave me a small smile as he held my hand. "Are you okay here?" He asked and I wanted to tell him the truth, but that meant he would tell my mother, and that meant she would bring it up in one of her sessions with Dr. Arbour. If she even bothered to go to them. She barely dfd. She had some lame excuse. Most of it was just her being vain.

I can't go because I have a book signing to attend, I'm a best seller once again...

I can't come because I have an interview on Good Morning America, you should watch it.

I can't come, I have to attend a gala, they're honoring my book.

"I'm okay." I lied. "I decided to come to one of those sessions they have for parents." My father said. Dr. Arbour thought it was good to have certain sessions with the girls, with the parents and another with all of us together. We all had certain schedules on the weekdays, some parents either scheduled in or is scheduled in to come on Saturdays for sessions. Then once a month there is a session with the girls and their parents. It usually is a scream fest around that time, or a real tear jerking one. For me, it barely was anything. I usually had it with my mother and I would sit there while she went on and on about herself. She found ways to turn Dr. Arbour's questions about me into it being about her. She had a knack for grabbing attention. She was quite good at it.

"Does mom know?" I asked as I began to open the nesting dolls. "No, but I am your father, your parent. And I signed when you entered in here so I suppose I'm entitled to it. Alice told me that once a month there was a session for everyone. Yours is about to come up right?" My father asked and I was a bit surprised that he knew. I love my father but he was barely interested in things that concerned me unless it was in situations like this. "Yeah. On Wednesday." I said and my father smiled. "You look better." He said, despite the fact that he just said I looked skinny earlier.

I spent another awkward hour with my father before he made up an excuse about work to leave early. I was the first of the girls to leave the visitation room. I took the matryoshka dolls in my arms along with my notebook as i made my way back into my room. Passing by the common room I once again met eyes with a familiar pair. I looked away and walked faster into my room, and I felt someone behind me going on the same pace, possibly faster. As I got to my door I busted it open, tossed the stuff onto my bed and tried to close the door as fast as I could but a foot stopped it.

"What did daddy bring you?" Sarah, one of the more damaged girls. I felt my heart fall onto my feet. I didn't struggle, I simply stepped back as she opened the door and invited herself in as if she had belonged. Sarah is, at best, a bully. She was smarter than the other girls. But she didn't push all that towards her academics, instead she did it to fooling people, manipulating them. A lot of the girls were scared of her. I wasn't. I just didn't like her. She was like a bad smelling fish in the supermarket that you didn't want to touch or even be near. She smelled of cigarettes and weed. She, more than once, snuck out of the institute. She thinks that no one knows but everyone does. And because girls talk so much, they claimed that Dr. Arbour knew and that she was given more days in the institute by Dr. Arbour, something she discussed with her parents who were willing. Sarah didn't have any visitors. From the moment I got here Fiona was quick to tell me about her. At first she just warned me to stay away, but after some time she kept going on as to why. She, like me, was annoyed at her. But she was also scared of her.