The Diary of Existing

FORTY THREE

I didn't know if it was information overload or something, but knowing what I knew, there was too much. There was too much of everything. I just knew too much about other people and their issues or struggles. It made me wonder if those who are institutionalized are normal. If this is what everyone deems as normal, then maybe I don't want to be normal anymore. It just didn't seem worth it.

I woke up the next day and Jacqueline was just getting up herself. We started the day like normal. It was like any other day to be honest. We got up, breakfast, showered and got ready for class. We were in the science lab, and I had Angel as a partner. Morgan was in a different class. Apparently, this teacher had troubles with Morgan as their student and needed her to be in a different class.

"Do you really think we're going to use any of this useless shit when we work? I mean, I don't want to be a fucking scientist or doctor." Angel said as she chucked away the tongs. She took off her safety goggles and I just sat there labeling the test tubes.

"Maybe when the apocalypse hits and all the scientists and doctors die." I said and Angel sighed and sat there not wanting to continue the subject. And so I began doing it instead, because I didn't want to fail the class.

"So I hear that you and Wesley are a thing now?" Angel asked as she poked my shoulder. I glanced at her before looking back at the test tubes.

"No, he's courting me." I corrected her and she just rolled her eyes.

"Same thing. It ends the same way anyway. I never knew you liked Wesley like that. I always thought you'd go for Henry." Angel said.

I thought so too, but I didn't really see Henry that way. Neither did I see Wesley that way either. Every time I'm reminded of it, I feel guilty for even saying yes to Wesley. I know it's just the courting phase, but even with the courting phase, I'm not sure if I'll end up liking him anyway. How was I sure that this whole thing was going to end with me liking him?

"Alex, Headmistress Edwards wants to see you." My science teacher approached us. I looked over at Angel before taking my safety goggles and gloves off. I took the lab coat off and began my walk to the office.

Why did she want to see me? Did I do something?

I kept wondering what Headmistress Edwards wanted with me. The first thing that was really ringing in my head was that maybe it was my mother? Was she here? If so, I'd rather turn around and walk the different direction. I wasn't ready to just talk with her yet. Not after the last conversation we had. This week I'm going back to my sessions with Dr. Palmer, and she hasn't called me in any of the days that passed either.

As I entered the office, Headmistress Edwards' secretary just told me to go on in. I saw two girls who were sitting by the couch at the office, probably waiting for their turn with the headmistress. One of them had a bleeding nose. Ouch.

"Good morning Alex. You have a visitor." Headmistress Edwards greeted me and gestured to the person sitting on the chair in front of her desk. The person turned around and to my surprise, it was Dr. Arbour.

"Dr. Arbour?" I said and she smiled at me. She got up.

"How are you Alex?" she asked and I didn't know if I should answer. Was this something psychiatrists ask? If so, then I shouldn't answer because she isn't my doctor anymore. Right?

"I came all the way from the US to visit you Alex. We need to talk, and your headmistress has allowed us to use the conference room next door. Shall we go?" Dr. Arbour said and geestured her hand towards the door.

What the fuck was going on?

I led the way towards the conference room right next door to the headmistress' office. I sat down on one of the chairs and Dr. Arbour sat opposite of me. It felt like we were too close, so I got up and moved about four chairs away. She looked at me, confused.