The Diary of Existing

TWELVE

I found myself telling Dr. Palmer about Jacqueline and how great of a roommate she was. I talked to her about Fiona and Julia for a bit. For some strange reason she found Julia adorable but I simply found her annoying. I didn't even notice but time had moved quickly. I got up and helped her up as well. It wasn't easy for her to sit down with a tight pencil skirt. I honestly wanted to stay and talk to her some more. It felt like a weight was lifted off my chest when we were headed to the door. But when the door opened I felt a tinge of sadness that I was going back to boarding school. It wasn't the idea of having to head back that made me sad, but it was the idea that I had to leave.

"We still have a session tomorrow. Same time, and on Sunday I'll stop by the boarding school for your session with your mother." Dr. Palmer said and I suddenly thought about how my mother was meant to have a private session with her this morning. I wanted to ask her, but I figured if my mother couldn't be bothered to pick me up and she had prior engagements she probably rescheduled with Dr. Palmer.

On the ride home I grabbed my phone and found myself staring at the institution's contact number. I really wanted to give a call, and ask for Sarah. Talking to Dr. Palmer about my experiences in the institution made me feel nostalgic. It was weird. I never liked being there, yet I found myself reminiscing and wanting to connect with them. It wasn't as if I was gone for too long. They probably don't care anyway.

It was night time when we got back to the boarding school. Headmistress Edwards immediately excused herself and everyone was at the dining without her. I walked in and saw Jacqueline waving at me. I smiled and was headed her way when I felt someone grab my wrist. I panicked for a bit, but as I turned I saw Morgan.

You know what. Scratch that. I panicked some more.

"Sit with me." She said with a smile. She was seated in a table full of girls who didn't seem to bother to talk to each other. They were all engrossed in their own things. Some were on their phones, others had headphones one and a couple were reading books. I had a feeling that none of these girls were her friends. She was sitting on table full of girls who didn't have friends. She was basically in the loser table. I looked up at Jacqueline's direction and she was looking at me intently, waiting to see my decision and her friends were trying to decipher what Morgan was saying to me.

I felt caught in the middle, unsure of whether or not I would sit down with Morgan. Of course the obvious choice was to decline and go to Jacqueline. But I was very curious about Morgan. She didn't really answer my question when we messaged each other in computer class. I knew that Jacqueline was going to be disappointed, possibly disown me as a friend but I had this weird obligation to have to sit down. Morgan let go of my wrist, pulled the chair back and patted on the seat. I quickly sat down, looking back at Jacqueline from my shoulder I saw her sigh and turn back to her friends. All of them looked just as disappointed as her.

"Tell me, does Jacqueline run your life?" Morgan asked boldly. I gave her a surprised and confused look. "No." Was all I said and she laughed. "It seems like she does. Every time we see each other you look at her, as if you're waiting for her approval." Morgan said and turned to her food. "I'm not. It's just that she told me to stay away from you." I said and Morgan laughed. "Of course she did." She whispered as she took a bite of her food. "Well. You can go ahead and sit with her if you like." Morgan looked at me. The same way Jacqueline did minutes before I sat down. She was waiting for me to make a decision. It was almost as if she was playing this game, to see if I was going to actually go and sit with Jacqueline, which is probably what she is banking on.

I turned to the table and grabbed a fork from her plate and took a bite of her food. I looked at her as I was chewing on it. Giving her a look, a look that said I don't care and fuck everyone else. Morgan smiled and pointed her spoon at me. "I like you." she said and we began to talk. She started asking me about where I came from and I told her the same thing I had told Jacqueline. When I mentioned that I formerly came from a boarding school she gave me a skeptical look, but she didn't press me on it.