The Diary of Existing

TWENTY TWO

"I know what you're thinking. But the reason I asked you to stay is because we need to talk about it." Dr. Palmer sounded serious. At this point I didn't care, because I was free. And I knew she was only going to talk to me about the financial struggles and all that.

"Dr. Arbour told me about how I can get financial help. My grandparents left me a trust fund that I have access to once I'm 18. It's enough to make sure I can get on my own two feet for the next five years or so. I'll be okay. I'm not an idiot, I'm not gonna spend my money on fast cars and Gucci or YSL shit." I said.

I really wasn't. I've prepared for this day since my grandparents had told me about my trust fund. My paternal grandparents had left me a trust fund big enough for me to live a cushy lifestyle for the next five years while I get my stuff together. I was said to be able to hold it once I turned 18. All I had to do was contact my father's lawyer. I had already planned about what I was going to do. Get a place and a job. I can squeeze the idea of college somewhere in between, but I knew that I can make my own decisions.

"Dr. Arbour, your mother and I had a conversation actually. In regards to that. You aren't going to get your trust fund Alex." Dr. Palmer said. When those words left her mouth I felt the entire earth just turn black.

Did she just tell me I wasn't going to get my trust fund?

She then continued, "Dr. Arbour thinks you aren't mentally fit yet. So she told your mother to file for an extended guardianship or conservatorship. That means-"

"That she gets to control my finances and me." I cut her off because I knew exactly what that had meant. It was something that Sarah had actually told me about. She told me about how a couple of the girls back in the institution had conservatorships filed by their parents, because they were 19 or 22 and still inside the institution and deemed unfit to make decisions. To which, Dr. Arbour had the influence to make, and a judge had the power to make.

I should have seen it coming. I should have realized that it was just too easy of an escape.

"What exactly did Dr. Arbour, you and my mother talk about?" I asked and Dr. Palmer sighed. She didn't seem like she wanted to discuss it at all. But I wasn't going to just sit here and let them continue making choices behind my back. I needed to know what was being said. I knew better, and I knew my mother had either lied, or that bitch Arbour simply said something that gave my mother this option.

"I had a meeting with Dr. Arbour, it was done so in the interest that you were turning 18. We discussed about how you've been doing. Alex, believe me when I say that I tried to fight for you. Personally, I feel like you can make decisions on your own and it is good for you to take those steps but Dr. Arbour is my senior, her opinion matters to me. I told her how you've been, I've given more positive feedback than negative. And still she came to the conclusion that you don't seem fit. And she laid out all the supporting evidences. She retaliated all my arguments, and ultimately we came to a decision. Then we just had to talk to your mother about it, to let her know." Dr. Palmer said.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. She said she fought for me? Was I really supposed to believe that. At this point, she had a look on her face that showed how sympathetic she was feeling. If it was empathy, then maybe I would have given her the benefit of the doubt but I knew better still. I sat up straight and I just felt a wave of emotions just crash in. But I was mainly furious.

"I actually thought your mother would bring it up in the session. But obviously she hasn't. Your mother has filed for it already. You just aren't ready Alex. There is still so much we need to discuss." Dr. Palmer said.

I just sat there, quiet. I didn't know what I was going to say. I just felt my hands balling into fists, my knuckles turning white in anger. I was just so mad. I was just so mad.