The Diary of Existing

TWENTY FIVE

"Jacqueline didn't tell me anything, nor did anyone else. It was Morgan who said it. But that's all she said, that she killed someone. She didn't tell me anything. Does it have something to do with Tessa?" I asked and Angel sighed. She sat down and looked at me, not sure where to begin maybe?

"Tessa was Jacqueline's best friend. Morgan had just arrived at Queen Mary's and she had no friends. I didn't know who she was yet when she had arrived. But when she started hanging out with Tessa I got to know her and we became fast friends. We weren't close but, yeah." Angel tried to get the words out of her mouth. I slowly sat down on the chair adjacent to her.

"Things were okay, Tessa and Jacqueline came from a small place in East Dorset called Horton. They were pretty sheltered. Morgan was already a wild child. Her parents sent her to Queen Mary's in hopes of getting her controlled. To cut it short, she would take Tessa to sneak out with her, they'd go around and party and Jacqueline didn't know about it at first until one night Tessa came home drunk and Jacqueline saw her in a cocktail dress reeking of alcohol." Angel said and I just found myself intrigued. I remembered how I snuck out with Morgan as well. I didn't get drunk, but I could've.

"Jacqueline was noticing a change in Tessa. She was becoming a bit bitchier, her grades were dropping and she kept singling Jacqueline out when Morgan was around. She even ditched Jacqueline's birthday to join Morgan and I for a party at Central London. I didn't even know it was Jacqueline's birthday, if I did I would have stayed. I like Jacqueline, she's a good person. I just hated what she did after the incident. How she lied to people and made Morgan look like the enemy." The story was just getting even juicier by the minute. I was more intrigued and it started to make me wonder if Jacqueline was as nice as she seems.

Will this story change my perception of her?

"What do you mean she lied?" I said and Angel sighed.

"Morgan and Tessa had gone to this frat party somewhere. I was supposed to go but I was down with a fever so the two of them went on their own. At the party, they were practically the only girls around. Drugs were involved, a ton of alcohol. They both just went for it. Morgan was too drunk and high to even realize what was happening and she left the party without Tessa." Angel said and I could see how difficult this was for her, she was pausing in between and having a difficult time trying to relay the story to me.

"Tessa stayed behind, she was drugged out so much and the boys kept downing her with alcohol. She just complied. She basically got raped by these boys, she didn't even know. She got rushed to the hospital the following morning, spent a week there and rumors kept flying all around. Morgan actually lied about it too, she told people that Tessa had consented the sex, that she wanted the drugs and the alcohol. That she was at fault for her own overdose." My eyes just kept growing at the information that was being tossed my way.

"I hated that Morgan lied, but she didn't deserve the blame at the aftermath. When rumors kept flying, Morgan just kept going. Jacqueline didn't believe it, she always trusted Tessa more, but everyone else didn't. I personally didn't know what to believe and I didn't think I should butt in. The bullying was too much for Tessa so one night she went into the kitchen, threatened to kill herself." Angel stopped, her eyes diverted back inside the house.

I turned to look and see that Morgan was just sitting there having a conversation with Henry. She was smiling. I looked back at Angel and there was pain in her face. She cared about Morgan and having to dig back into this past was getting to her. I'd want her to stop, but she might as well just finish it.

"Morgan was there. Morgan had told Tessa to do it. Because she thought she wouldn't. But she did. And Morgan sat there watching as Tessa took her own life. Morgan was in shock, she couldn't move, she couldn't speak. She didn't Tessa would do it but she did. And she didn't realize how grave it was. And I'm not making any excuses for Morgan about that night and even about how she left Tessa at the party and started rumors but I don't think she deserved to be blamed for Tessa's death. Tessa took her own life. And rumors sparked when police started investigating. A kitchen staff found them the next morning. People started talking about how Morgan killed her. And Jacqueline knew the truth. Morgan told Jacqueline she didn't kill Tessa, that Tessa took her own life. But Jacqueline was just so mad at Morgan she didn't care. She didn't bother to squash the rumors and clean Morgan's name. She just kept blaming Morgan and letting everyone do the same." Angel finished and sighed.

"You can say that Morgan may have just deserved it, that it was karma because she practically did the same thing to Tessa. But still, Jacqueline should have known better. I was so disappointed at her, because I didn't believe she'd stoop that low. She acted out of anger, so I couldn't blame her either. But Morgan still didn't deserve that. It was twisted, and she should have known better but she and Tessa were too young to even realize it. It's so hard to blame someone for what had happened, but pinning Morgan as a murderer was just wrong. Now everyone thinks that way. Or at least those who were there at the time. It's not fair on Morgan, like it wasn't fair on Tessa. And Jacqueline knows that, she prides herself as this goody goody but she is just like Morgan at that time. And she still refuses to forgive her, move past it or try to clear Morgan's name." Angel took a breather before finishing off her sentence.

"The only reason Morgan didn't get charged or sent to some juvenile shit detention was because her dad made sure of it. Things were just so shitty. It was wrong of Morgan to do what she did, but it was wrong of Jacqueline to pin blame on Morgan. Jacqueline knew better, but she chose to let her anger get the best of her. I stayed away from her, stuck to Morgan because I didn't want what happened to Tessa to happen to her." Angel finally finished.

And there it was, the truth.

Morgan was blamed for Tessa's death. And Jacqueline was just so angry she let her take it. I honestly didn't know whether I should feel bad for Morgan or for Jacqueline. It was wrong for Morgan to have let the rumors just spark off, and then sit there and watch Tessa kill herself. As much as she carried most of the faults it was true that she didn't deserve to be blamed for someone taking their own life. Morgan wasn't to blame. She was shocked at what she had seen too. She didn't think Tessa would push through.

But she did.

And Morgan was called a murderer. Something she would have to live for, solely because Jacqueline refused to use her influence and tell the truth. Instead of putting to rest the disaster that had happened, to give Tessa's death a peaceful exit she let everyone think Morgan was a killer, let everyone blame her and be afraid of her. Let her stand out as a murderer. Even if she knew better. But like Angel said, it was hard to blame Jacqueline. She had lost her best friend, because of Morgan, and she was acting out of anger and grief.

It was more clear to me now.

But was I going to be their Tessa?