The Diary of Existing

TWENTY NINE

"It's actually made from old coins." Jacqueline said and I looked at her surprised. She put her finger on her lip, as if telling me to stay quiet.

"It's illegal, so its a secret between us girls." Jacqueline said and I was a bit surprised and the mere fact that she had just told me she committed a crime. I laughed because she was, and also because I wasn't sure if she was serious. If she was, that's a seriously badass move from Jacqueline. Something I would never have honestly expected from her.

"So, tell me, how was your trip to New York?" I could hear a hint of force in Jacqueline's voice. She knew I was with Morgan and Angel, and hated the idea of it. But she was Jacqueline, and so she was being nice and needed to ask how my vacation was despite my choice of company. I simply smiled and hugged her.

"Before I say anything I want to say thank you, and I'm sorry because I didn't get you anything." I said and looked at her and Hannah. Hannah scoffed and waved a hand, telling me I didn't need to get her anything. Jacqueline simply smiled and told me I was ridiculous for thinking I had to get them something.

I just felt bad that I wasn't able to get them anything. And there was already guilt within me about these girls to begin with. The mere fact that they still accept me as a friend despite the numerous times I've left them for Morgan and Angel. Most especially during the party, when I just disappeared after they went out of their way to be with me at a party, to keep me occupied and to keep me company instead of feeling tormented at a party that wasn't even fun to begin with.

As I told them about my trip to New York, I tried my best to leave out Morgan and Angel, which was pretty difficult since I was with them the entire time. I told them about how amazing Henry's home was, how kind his dad, Tom, was. Then how my father had surprised me and then I mentioned to them the delicious food we ate, how Tom was an amazing cook and lastly I mentioned meeting Wesley for the first time which shocked the two.

"Wesley's really handsome!" Hannah gushed and I just found myself confused, in between these two girls who were giggling over Wesley.

Bailey then entered the two told her about how I had met Wesley and then the gushing of two girls became three girls. And they spent five minutes just talking about him. Jacqueline noticed how I looked so lost in translation. She laughed and the girls looked at me.

"Wesley, as you can tell, is a pretty popular guy." Jacqueline said.

Hmm... Clearly.

"He's just a very decent guy, good grades, the whole thing. It's the same way with how some of the other girls are into Henry and all that." Bailey commented and I nodded my head. I still didn't see what they were seeing, and what was making them gush over it.

We spent the next few hours just talking amongst ourselves, sharing our holiday experiences together. Jacqueline told me about how her family spent hours playing charades because everyone was just so bad. Then Bailey spoke about how she had stuffed herself the entire holiday, because she missed home cooked meals, and Hannah with her complaints about how her dad's entire side of the family was annoying.

It was safe to say we all had pretty normal Christmases. I still found myself wondering what my mother was doing over at Switzerland. She still hasn't contacted me. When we landed, I had told her that I was here. There was no reply or call. I wondered if she still was in Switzerland.

"I'm going to wash up, you coming?" Jacqueline asked and I told her to go ahead. I waited till she left the room before trying to call my mother, and instead of a ringing tone all I had was the sound of the call ending.

Maybe she didn't have signal.

I went through my long list of contacts and pressed on Amanda's number. Maybe she was with my mother. But after a couple of rings all I got was the voicemail. I left her a message asking if she was back in England or still with my mother in Switzerland. I grabbed my towel and toothbrush and went to wash up.

The following morning, not much of the students have returned yet. Me and the girls were having breakfast. So many of the students seemed to still have some hangovers from their holidays. And I don't mean that in the alcoholic sense. Bailey was still talking about her family, and how she still feels like she's stuffed from all the meals. I tried scoping out the place for Angel and Morgan but neither was there.

When the afternoon rolled by, Jacqueline went on to finish some of her tasks before classes officially began. Bailey was dragged by Hannah to the library and I told her I was fine staying in my room. But later on I found myself going a floor down. I wanted to visit Angel and Morgan, but I realized that I didn't know either of their rooms in that floor. I might even be on the wrong floor.

"Alex?" I heard my name and turned to find Angel, she had a mug with her, hot smoke coming out. She was still in pajamas and I simply, and awkwardly, waved to her.

"Hey, I didn't know what room you or Morgan was in." I said and Angel smiled. She pointed at the room to my right, and approached it and opened it.

"My room. Me and Morgan are hanging out here while my roommate isn't back yet." Angel said and went straight inside. I figured that Morgan and Angel would be roommates, but it seems like they weren't.

I entered the room and the smell of alcohol was seeping through the walls. I closed the door behind me and tried to resist the urge to make a face. The smell of the alcohol was too strong. I found Morgan on the floor flipping through a magazine. Angel sat down next to her and placed the mug down. Morgan didn't look up, but I assumed she knew I was here anyway. I sat down and Morgan finally looked up and smiled at me.

"Sorry for the stench, me and Morgan had some drinks last night and it's still lingering. I told you we should've opened the damn windows." Angel said as she glared at Morgan who just laughed at her.

"So, are your girlfriends back yet?" Morgan asked, this time, she was on her phone. Her tone and the way she had said it sounded like she was trying to mock me or the girls. I honestly didn't like it, and this was sort of the first time I had heard Morgan speak about them that way. She had usually refrained from speaking, or trying to in a way, negatively about the girls.

Was she finally going to speak out about them?

"Yeah. We all talked about our trips last night. Jacqueline got me this." I said as I pulled the necklace from my neck. Morgan looked at it, Angel had her hand on it, inspecting the ring attached to the long string around my neck.

"Where did she get this?" Angel asked, obviously fascinated by the object.

"I think she made it, it was made out of old coins." I commented, a smile on my face and Angel had one on hers as well, she was extremely happy about the way it had looked.

"Melting old coins is illegal in England." Morgan commented. I saw the look on her face. Her eyes, they looked like the eyes of a girl you wouldn't want to approach or talk to.

I honestly felt like I was seeing a different person. Was there something about Morgan that I wasn't aware of? I was feeling a whole different vibe with her on this one. A very different vibe, one that I particularly didn't feel was right at all.

Come to think of it, I didn't really know her that well. All I knew were the controversial portions of it. But I never thought of how that kind of life had affected her. Was she being true to me? Is her being my friend just some weird act of hers for fun? Angel seemed to think the world of her, but what if she was lying to Angel too?