The Diary of Existing

FORTY THREE

"I don't have a disease Alex. Doesn't that seem too far?" Dr. Arbour asked and I didn't reply.

"You're probably wondering why I'm here, and what exactly it is we need to talk about." Dr. Arbour added. No shit Sherlock.

"Dr. Palmer gave me a call. And she discussed with me the incidents that have happened. Specifically the ones between you and your mother after the holidays. You've been hostile with the information, and Dr. Palmer thought that maybe you'd open up better to me." Dr. Arbour said.

Was Dr. Palmer insane?

Why would I open up to this shrew? I hated her. I couldn't tolerate her, and Dr. Palmer was more tolerable than this one right here. This was the same woman who recommended I hand over my freedom as an 18 year told to my mother because I wasn't ready yet.

"There's nothing that needs to be discussed or opened to about. My mother's a bitch. You should know this, I was institutionalized for years before I came here." I said and Dr. Arbour seemed a bit surprised at my language.

"Alex, you're going back to who you used to be when you first entered the institution. Hostile, completely covered up. Your walls are higher than ever, and you need to break them down in order to move forward. That was part of the reason why I agreed for your mother to remove you from the institution and bring you here. Because you seemed ready, but it seems like coming back here has reverted you to your old ways." Dr. Arbour said and I couldn't believe that I was going back.

"I'm going back because you're here, and because my mother can't seem to move forward either. She's still the same bitch." I said and Dr. Arbour sighed.

"Alex, have you spoken to your mother at all?" Dr. Arbour asked.

"Yeah. She came here a week or so ago and made me cry. Is that what you wanted to know? Or maybe you wanted to know how she basically told me I could never understand her because my father apparently did not think of me when he cheated on my mother. In some twisted way she tried to put in that my father could care less about me because he cheated on her. Trying to put me in the mix of why my father dislikes her. Or maybe what you want to know is how she told me that everything she has done for me so far was for me and me alone." I said as I had my arms crossed.

Dr. Arbour simply looked at me. She wanted to know everything, so I gave her the choices. I didn't know if she was even aware of any of this. I didn't know if my mother had talked to Dr. Palmer about any of this. So if she knew something, it was either twisted by my mother or completely off and blamed on me. Whatever it was, I always knew that Dr. Arbour would never truly listen to me.

"So you and your mother discussed about your father's affair?" Dr. Arbour asked and I felt so aggravated that she got that from everything I said. Aren't these people supposed to be good at listening.

"No, what I'm saying is that my mother can't get over her issues in order to help me. She puts herself first. Do you know that we spend our Sunday sessions talking about her and her problems? We literally sit there for an hour or two discussing her life and her issues while I'm quiet and Dr. Palmer looks bored out of her mind. That's something I'm surprised Dr. Palmer hasn't told you." I said and Dr. Arbour leaned forward onto the table.

"Oh she did. And I actually gave your mother a call and asked her if she had considered seeing a therapist." Dr. Arbour said and I couldn't help but release a chuckle. She looked at me inquisitively.

"What's so funny Alex?" Dr. Arbour asked and I slouched back on the swivel chair.

"My mother and a therapist." I said and Dr. Arbour leaned back, crossing her arms.