Promise to Sirius (An Utapri / Uta no Prince-sama Fanfiction)

Reiji Kotobuki

"If I suddenly held you close like this...?"

His eyes closed, Reiji laid back against his pillow that had been propped up on the bed and silently listened to a song that he had recorded not too long ago, "Never..." In his group of four idols, Quartet Night, he was known to be the cheerful, goofy one among the contrasting yet colourful personalities, with a voice that suited funky, energetic songs. And this song was one of them and was possibly also one of his personal favourites. Listening to the catchy tune and allowing the lyrics to flow through his mind in the otherwise quiet night, he placed his hands against the earphones and squeezed his eyes shut even tighter. If he was listening to this song in the morning and was with Ai, Camus, Ranmaru or his kouhais, he would be dancing and grooving to the song like there was no tomorrow, making funny expressions that would make Otoya, Natsuki and a few others crack up, a grouchy Ranmaru, Camus and others groan, and Ai, Tokiya and Masato sigh heavily. But it was nighttime now and Reiji was alone in his private apartment, with no one to wave a hello or goodbye to, no one to annoy or joke around with, no one to smile at, whether it was genuine or fake.

Yeah, Reiji thought. Fake.

He looked at his cellphone and reversed back to an earlier part of the song, to a part that was more important and deep to him than anyone could ever guess. But then again, no one else truly saw the song for what it was to Reiji.

"As the seasons continue to pile up over and over."

They saw the song as an upbeat, melodious song that they could dance their worries away to, most of them not bothering to read the lyrics.

But Reiji saw...

"I can no longer lie to my own heart"

A song that represented his true self.

After he had listened to what he wanted to hear, Reiji paused the song, took his headphones off and shifted his gaze over to the glass window nearest to his bed. The fans only saw him for his cheerful, goofy and bright persona. For the idol Reiji Kotobuki that never ceased to annoy his fellow members of Quartet Night while being the most lenient, nonchalant senpai. Like how they only saw the song for what it appeared to be on the surface: fun, funky, groovy, jazzy. But that was not all that Reiji was. Neither was that what Reiji was every single second of the day, not even close.

Looking at his reflection on the glass that showed a dimly lit sky, Reiji sighed with a heavy heart that no one would expect him to have. He could put up a cheerful, outgoing facadé in front of everyone and get away with it, even in front of the perceptive Ai and sharp-eyed Tokiya, probably because he had been doing it and perfecting it for years. He could laugh and smile brightly like everything was fine and no one would notice that anything was wrong. But the one person that he could not lie to, that he could never fool, was himself. And he most definitely could not lie tonight.

Every night that I stay up on hurts terribly...

Reiji turned to the hanger on which his white fedora was loosely hung, and smiled weakly at how much of a prop for hiding his true feelings it had become.

because it reminds me of the nights thay I couldn't sleep because of you... Aine.

Ai Mikaze

"Gently... lightly... it flutters down into my palm and disappears!"...

The streetlamps flashed with a brilliant, nearly-blinding white, the colour of the stars that Ai could never imagine to touch, the colour of the snow that seemed warm if he were to compare it to his artificial chest. Ai walked at a slow pace along the sidewalks, passing a few people here and there who came as soon as they left, a basic concept of a short-lived existence. He hummed one of his solo songs, "Winter Blossom", under his breath, secretly revelling in its gentle, quiet melody. The lyrics described snow as something fleeting, saying that it reached his palm and disappeared right after. Somehow they managed to make Ai feel something, although he could not comprehend what it was, even if just for a brief, passing second. But Ai could only internally shake his head at that. How was he capable of feeling anything real?

After all, he did not have a real heart.

"Somehow my heart hurts just a little."

Ai never said it out loud to anyone, not even to the professor who had created him, but he knew that he was not an actual human being like Reiji and the others. He knew that he was a robot created to be Shining Saotome's ideal idol and was linked to the consciousness of a boy named Aine Kisaragi, Reiji's best friend who had attempted to commit suicide and was now in a coma. He knew that he was merely a shell that served others, that did what he was told to do, that pleased others to their hearts' content. But even with Aine's consciousness linked to him, Ai felt like he and the former just... were not the same. That they were two completely different beings and personalities. But then, again... what was Ai without Aine? Could Ai truly say that he was a completely different being if he did not have what everyone else around him had? The understanding of what it meant to laugh, smile and cry. The ability to feel happiness, sorrow or any of those emotions in what he did rather than "making choices" like everything was that rigid. And of course... a true and beating human heart.

Stopping in front of an old bookstore, Ai looked down and placed a cold hand on his chest, clutching it a bit. He could feel something ache softly in there along and flicker on and off like a candle's light. Pain. Puzzled, he remained like that for awhile, hand on his chest, eyes downcast, before pulling himself out of his daze and looking up at the sky. Even though it was not snowing or raining, it was dark and cold...

just like the chest that looked like any human's but wasn't even real, but didn't even have a real heart.

"If I suddenly held you close like this...?

My heartbeat throbbed painfully"

- "Never...", by Reiji Kotobuki (Showtaro Morikubo)

"Following your heartbeats, somehow my heart hurts just a little"

- "Winter Blossom", by Ai Mikaze (Shouta Aoi)