Newt x Reader || A13

06 | thaw

I bite my lip instead.

"I just-" I can't lie to him; he'll see right through me. In the couple weeks I've been here, he's gotten to know me so well, and he can always tell when I'm lying.

I decide an omission of information is hardly more than a white lie.

"I hate this place, Newt." I look up, finding him leaning forward and ready to listen. "Every day I wake up hating this place more and more, and I just don't know what to do, if anything." I say. I expect him to tell me I'm crazy, to tell me to get back to work or that I hit my head too hard, but yet again, he surprises me.

"Me too." He breathes.

"Then do something?" I whisper, my words more of a question. He just shakes his head.

"I-" he starts, then brings his hand up to his mouth and rubs his chin with his thumb and finger. After looking at me for another moment, he tears his eyes away. "I can't." He says, abruptly standing up.

"Where are you going?" I ask, sitting up myself and ignoring the dizziness that suddenly floods in.

"To find Julian; he's been asking for you." He responds, placing a warm hand on my shoulder again. "You need to rest. I'll be right back, love." He says, disappearing from my room.

I'm left without a chance to respond. Maybe he did so deliberately.

- - -

The next evening, I find myself sitting in the sun beside the homestead, reclined on a rock as heat beats down on the Glade.

"You feeling better, shank?" I turn towards the sudden speaker. Newt approaches me, running his right hand through his disheveled hair.

"Good as new." I say.

"Good that- we need you out in the field. Those shanks don't know motivation anymore when you aren't there." I look down and smile.

"They've just never seen a girl before." I say, bringing my feet up on to the rock to cradle against my chest.

"Oh, we have." Newt says, closing the distance between us and sitting down next to me. "We just can't remember it." The silence that lingers between us is unwavering. He's right, and everyone here knows it. It's just him and I that talk about it, just him and I that seem to care about it.

"Who do you think you were," I ask to break the silence, leaning towards him, "in your past life?" He takes a moment before responding.

"Exactly who I am now. Just, not as dirty. 'Specially this." He ruffles his messy hair. "I don't quite like being dirty." I smile. "What about you?"

"I haven't really thought about it." I say, "but I think I was different." The vision of that lady with dark lipstick flashes through my head, the lady who told me what my name was, the one who didn't ask. "Like I wasn't who I am now, if that makes any sense." I can't tell him everything, but I can tell him some of it. Newt nods, tufts of his hair flopping up and down with each bob of his head.

"What makes you think that?" I swallow.

"Just a hunch." I try a smile, but the way his eyes narrow the tiniest bit lets me know that he's suspicious, though he doesn't say anything. Instead, he just stares.

"Yeah, I think so too." He says after a while, rubbing his chin with his pointer finger and thumb, something I've noticed he does frequently when he's flustered or trying to figure something out.

We sit in silence for a couple more minutes, neither of us saying anything, but it's a calm, peaceful silence. Just the presence of him has an effect on me I can't put my finger on, like a sense of security that a find myself wishing for often when I'm not around him.

I push the thoughts out of my head. This is Newt. A friend I can talk to whenever I need, a friend that understands me better than all of the other Gladers, even Julian.

So why is something still nagging at me?

"I'm gonna get some rest, it's late." I lie, turning away from him so I don't see him narrowing his eyes like he always does when I'm not telling the truth. Now, however, despite his comforting presence, I need the aloneness. I need him away from me so that I can register anything besides the burning in my cheeks.

"Sure." He says. I hear him stand up behind me. "Goodnight, y/n." He says softly before I hear his footsteps recede down the path. I turn and watch him disappear out of sight behind the homestead before turning my face up towards the night sky.

Something is coming, I think with a grimace. Something is coming, and I'm about to find myself dead in the centre of it.

- - -

I sit on a bed, my back against a hard wall. My legs dangle off the side of the bed, but they don't touch the floor. Next to me, a shift in the mattress lets me know the boy is sitting next to me. He always is.

"Y/n?" He looks at me, "what do you think you'll be when you're older?"

"I don't know." I say. My voice is an octave higher than I'm used to.

"Well, I want to be a warrior." The boy makes fake guns with his hands and imitates shooting noises. "I want to save people." I smile at him.

A warm feeling spreads through me.

"I don't want to stay the same." I swing my legs back and forth. "I want to be someone different." I say, looking over at my brother. He nods, satisfied with my answer.