ashes ? hyungwon

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the cup of coffee laid on top of the breakfast table as the house fell in a deep silence. jinyoung moved on his chair as he held onto the warm pottery between his hands.

soon stared at him, arms crossed on her chest as she leaned against the kitchen countertop. "so?" she asked, after a few minutes of silence.

he cleared his throat. "i just want to say... i am sorry." he managed to voice out as he avoided her eyes.

she narrowed hers. "really? that apology sounds empty to me."

he closed his eyes and sighed as if he was tired. "you're not even looking at me in the eye."

jinyoung moved his legs as if he was nervous. truth be told, he had always been scared of his older sister, since they were kids.

gathering some courage, he finally looked her in the eye. "what i did was wrong alright? i know it, and i've been living with it the past years."

park soon remained calmed as she narrowed her eyes even more. he definitely looked apologetic but there was something weird in all this sudden situation.

"i admit it. signing that order to take you there – he bit his lip as if he couldn't even pronounce it.

"say it. a mental institution. you agreed to that, yes."

he looked at her with lost eyes, somehow glassy from soon's point of view. it was her little brother after all.

"you lied about the verdict... you made me believe, you made everyone believe i was crazy." she said pointing fingers at him.

he swallowed hard, his hands and voice suddenly trembling. "it's not entirely like that-

"then how it is? explain to me... because all these years, i thought you were the one at fault in all this."

he ran a hand through his dark hair and stood from the breakfast table, his height difference making its own statement in the big kitchen. even if that was her little brother, he was completely a man.

"you needed help... you didn't want to accept that man was dead. i had to do what i had to do, to help you. that's all." he said carefully, looking into her eyes.

in that moment, in soon's mind, the image of the alive hyungwon flashed in her mind.

how come he could say hyungwon was dead, then and now, if she sees him every day at campus?

"you lied to me." it escaped her lips.

his eyes showed confusion as he frowned. "no. i didn't. listen- he said approaching her – you needed help alright? i don't know what that guy did to you on the time you were his doctor, but he messed up with your mind. you were hallucinating things." he said coming closer, his eyes somehow seemed desperate.

she had studied plenty people, people telling the truth and people lying. most psychiatrist were good at it.

right now, she was completely sure, that jinyoung was lying.

"you lied to me then... and you're lying right now." she said walking out of the kitchen and towards the living room. he quickly followed her, grabbing her arm to stop her.

"i am not!" he exclaimed. his eyes, hurt, looked desperate for hers. for her approval or acceptance, or just, redemption.

"i can't believe you. you're clearly lying to me."