I Saw The Lights Go Out - Carl Grimes

"Carl, grab her bag." Rick ordered as he watched me rub my forehead trying to ease the ache. "She's dehydrated, keeps wincing when she moves her eyes." He deduced holding out his hand to his son.

"She's been having that for awhile." Carl handed off my backpack to his father, the one I removed outside in my fit to get away from the flies. I checked myself again scared they'd crawl out from underneath me as the memory returned. "Is she alright?" Carl asked in a whisper, his eyes flickering between me and the ground. Rick handed me my water from my bag with a shake of his head.

"Why don't you ask her for yourself?" He said in an obvious tone. He glanced up at his son, waiting for him to defy his words. I appreciated Rick standing up for me, I couldn't help but let Carl's fidgeting manner get under my skin, he was distant, maybe even scared.

Carl hesitated to answer his father, he stared back into Rick's eyes and doesn't acknowledge my presence as I silently sip on my water letting it coat my sore throat.

Carl was pulling back from me, I could feel it. He didn't want to push me further to the edge but neither did he want to pull me off. The pain of losing him was almost worse than the pain in my skull. I held back the emotion for later; he'd already seen me distressed enough for the day.

"I'm better now, I'm sorry." I answered and drank again to keep myself occupied, and to keep myself from showing him my true feelings. I held myself back from trying to catch his eye like I used to.

"You alright here for a moment?" Rick asked me, his forearm resting against his knee. I nodded my head keeping my lips on my half full bottle of water.

My eyes drooped low as I watched the two of them stand to leave. I needed to talk to Carl, to get him to tell me what was going on in his head. I just needed to know.

"Carl, can you-" I croaked out, attempting to ask him to stay to talk with me. He didn't stop to listen, nor did he bother to look me in the eyes as he interrupted me.

"I have to go." Carl stated coldly, turning to follow his father. His features stayed strong and blank, his eyes free of all emotions for me to read while mine poured my soul out to him. 

I couldn't guilt him into staying with me. He'd done his part to try and help me, but I guessed he'd given up. My heart sunk as I watched him walk away from me. My hand gathered a fist full of dirt as I fought hard to keep my voice from cracking and a whimper escaping. I couldn't have scared everyone away, not Carl, too.

Rick lead Carl to talk to the rest of the group who huddled in the corner away from me. Beth still clung to Daryl's arm who stood flush behind her. He kept his eyes staring straight at me protectively while Beth kept her head turned away. My heart sunk lower realizing I had lost her, too.

Rick asked the others a few questions gesturing over to me while I pretended not to see their worried and fearful expressions, but my pout gave it away. I could hear them as they made up excuses on why they wouldn't chaperone me over night per Rick's request. The odds were against me, I wasn't sure if I blamed them.

Then, both Tara and Abraham volunteered, their voices the loudest and most sure out of all the others. Even Noah piped up staring at Carl with dark furrowed brows. I moped as my headache only made my sour mood worse. I continued to pretend not to listen but kept an ear out. I needed to know what they're thinking or else my mind would only get the worst of me.

"Carl, why don't you-" Rick instructed Carl only to be cut off like he did to me.

"No, I want to be with you and Judith." Carl's stern but slow tone overrode his father's. He locked Rick's gaze standing up for himself. I couldn't help but be proud of him, even if his words were in protest against me.