Finding Myself

The doctor's tell us that it's safe for Riley to leave the hospital, she just needs to rest because of the concussion and stitches. So, after filing some paperwork Riley's parents take her home and I rode to her place with Mason.

When we get to Riley's driveway I notice my parents standing there. I take a deep breath and tell Mason it's best for him not to be here during the shouting match I'm probably going to have with my family, but he refuses.

"Look, I'm not going to leave you alone in this, Quinn. I'm here for moral support," he replies as he gives me a quick hug before I step out of the car.

Out of the corner of my eye I can see Riley and her parents park on the street near the house and wait in the car. They probably don't want to interupt what is about to happen. Despite having eyes on me from behind as I confront my parents again, it feels empowering knowing that I have people who love me on the sidelines ready to protect me if anything happens.

So I take steps towards my parents and stop a few feet before. I try to relax my body and stand up straight so that I can look confident, when I'm actually shaking inside. "Why are you guys here?" I demand. I know I shouldn't be speaking like this to them, but I've had enough of their bullshit.

"We came to apologize," my dad suddenly replies which throws me off. I look at him in disbelief and wonder if someone is pretending to be my dad now.

"I know it seems hard to understand now after what happened earlier, but trust us. We are staying to understand you. Maybe we are still confused, but we love you Quinn," my mom explains.

"Love doesn't mean anything if you're not willing to accept and support your own daughter," I blurt out.

"You're right, Quinn. I think maybe along the way we lost sight of love and only started seeing you as our succesor. We wanted you to be better than us, no matter the cost. That's not what a parent should be thinking about. We never asked about how you felt...," my father tries to say.

"Yeah, you guys never did. Never asked about how it was eating me inside to keep secrets from you two. How unhappy I was with life. How butned out I was in school. You two never cared about anything that was really important to me," I yell out. I can feel the blood rushing to my face as I lash out at them for all the pain they have caused me, but then I freeze as I notice my parents crying.

My mom is trying everything she can do to not start sobbing right now. My dad is trying to keep his iconic poker face, but it's no use. I can see the tears rolling down his cheeks. I've never seen him like this before. He was always the cold one.

"I messed up, Quinn. I wasn't a good father," he admits. "But I can change. Maybe it will take me a bit to get used to you being gay, but I don't care. You're my daughter and that's what should matter. I realized that today when we got the phone call from the principal explaining everything. The thought that some person could hurt you for you being gay destroyed me. The thought that anyone would hurt me child killed me," he begins to explain. His words start to make me cry because I've never heard him say these things before to me.

"I stopped caring that you were gay and started caring about your safety. If you asked if I wish I could make you straight, my answer would be yes. Not because I thinks it's a sin or an abomination anymore, but because I don't want to see you get hurt. I worry for you, everyday. Yet I cannot shield you from the world, you're going to be an adult and have to live in this cruel world. I cannot mold you into the perfect person, you have to figure yourself out all on your own. And I'm sorry that I have contributed in your pain, I wanted to protect you from pain not cause it. I'm so sorry, Quinn. I never meant to make you feel unloved or like a burden or that something was horribly wrong with you. I'm so sorry," he adds before he can't talk anymore because he starts sobbing. He can't control his balance anymore and he has to kneel on the ground. My mom kneels down with him and I hear both of them cry their hearts out.

I was numb minutes ago, but now I'm feeling everything that they are going through. My heart is broken, but healing somehow. Hearing their words means everything to me. Especially my dad's because he never talks like this. He never shows his emotions or tells me how he feels. My parents are showing a side I never saw from them before. No matter how angry I am with them, I can't hate them. They are trying and that's more than most people ever do in their lifetumes. I love my parents for trying, I have always loved them and always will.

So, I take a few shy steps forward until I embrace my parents on the ground and start sobbing with them. We aren't a perfect family and may never be. Yet who is? Probably no one's family is. However, the fact that we are trying to communicate and understand each other is what's important.

"We love you, Quinn. More than anything in the entire world. You're still our little girl, always will be no matter how old you are," my mom adds as she kisses me on the forhead and hold me tighter.

"I'm so sorey for everything, Quinn. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me," my dad pleads. My mom lets go of me so that I can look up at my dad to give him a small smile as the tears continue to fall down my face.

"Of course I forgive you, dad. Not because you're my father, but because you're actually trying to listen to me and understand my view. That's more than I could have ever wished for," I reply to him.

My dad smiles and pulls me in for a tight hug and I hug him back. For a second I feel like a small child, happy to be embracing their parents. I feel safe. Happy. Understood. For once in my life, I feel like I have everything I need and want.

I hug both my parents for a while longer before we all get up to face the others who are watching us in their cars. We wave at them and they all get out and walk closer to us. "Thank you all, for watching over our daughter in these tough moments. It means a lot to us that you gave her the love and understanding we couldn't give earlier," my mom says.

"Anything to help, Quinn. She's a lovely person," Riley's mom replies as she walks over to give my parents a hug. That begins the funny idea for everyone to hug each other. I hug Riley's parents and Mason before I get to stand in front of Riley. She has the biggest smile and looks so cute.

"I'm so proud of you. Of everything ypu have overcome. You're the strongest person I know," she whispers as I pull her close.

"I couldnt be this person without you," I reply as I lean forward to kiss her.

"Hello, I'm here to deliver pizza," I man interrupts as he hold a few boxes. Everyone glances around trying to figure out who baought the pizza and then Riley's dad shyly walks over to pay the man and grab the food.

"Sorry to ruin the moment everyone, I was hungry at the hospital so I bought pizza to be delivered once we got home. There's enough for everyone!" He explains as everyone laughs.

Everyone starts walking into the house and Riley and I are the last ones in. Before joining everyone Riley whispers that she has a surprise for me tomorrow. I'm a bit confused since we have school and she reminds me not to worry. She's right, I don't think our parents would make us go to school tomorrow after everything that happened today. So I kiss her on the cheek and try to hide my excitement as we join the others to eat pizza.

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Author's note: 😅Sorry for the long wait. I was struggling with my mental health, relationships and busy with work.

I'm back now and man did I miss writing so much. This chapter made me realize how important writing is and how much I wanted to share a deep story of understanding, growing as a person and love.

The story is almost finished. Just 1 chapter left.

Thank you checking in on me and for following me in this journey with this book.

I love you all so much.