Fatal Flaws

    My alarm goes off bright and early the next morning. Without opening my eyes, I reach over and switch it off. I feel groggy like I haven't slept in days. But my mind is the opposite, racing, and going over every scenario that can play out today. They range from forgetting a pencil to a complete meltdown in front of the class. A loud yawn escapes my lips as I rub my eyes. I'm glad no one stayed here last night. I'd woken up several times in cold sweats, crying and screaming out for Johnny. My body trembles as the horrible memories of my dreams come flooding back. It's always the same. That night plays on a constant loop in my mind nonstop. I doubt I'll ever get those horrendous visions out of my mind. There was so much blood and the ear-piercing screams. A shiver runs through me, seeing the image of his lifeless body lying there. Before allowing myself to break down, I force it into the darkest part of my mind.

I can't torture myself with the past today. It's the first day of class and my new beginning. My nerves are bad enough without thinking about my traumas. High school was a horrible experience. Thanks to my history with drugs, I drifted around. Not caring how I looked. It never mattered what I wore; most days it was whatever I woke up in. Even pajamas with fuzzy house shoes, it didn't matter. I wouldn't have gotten through the days if it hadn't been for my trusty water bottle. It usually held a mixture of vodka and Sprite, pretending to be seltzer water. Depending on the level of intoxication I wanted, sometimes I'd toss a few pills in it. 

But this year will be different, I silently remind myself. It's a new town, a new school, and a brand new me. 

Wanting to start the day right, I need a shower to wake up since I'm not a morning person. Lucky for me, the shower room is empty except for another girl, humming some random song a few stalls down. The water takes too long to heat up, so I use lukewarm water, rushing to wash my body. It's just heating up as I finish and shut it off.  I'm glad I came here when I did; it's starting to fill up quickly. Walking past, only a few stalls remain empty. 

I'm happy to see the rooms still empty when I walk in. Allowing the towel to slide onto the bed, I stare at my reflection in the mirror. The sight of me naked hurts. My damp, moist skin is flawless except for my scar. A hideous reminder that'll haunt me forever. My only other flaw is my unequal breasts; it's minor and most people don't notice, but my left one is slightly bigger.  I try to embrace my differences, but it's hard, making me self-conscious. I hate people seeing me naked. 

I smirk, looking at my reflection. I resemble a soaking wet dog with my drenched, dark, wild curls covering my face. Each curl sags slightly downward, appearing limp and lifeless. Turning toward the light, the water droplets glisten, clinging to my skin. Others escape, slithering down my body, making a tiny plop, landing on the wooden floor. A small puddle has gathered at my feet. 

Wanting to make a good impression, I search through my closet. After an eternity of digging through clothes, I decide on a pair of black leggings with a crisscross pattern that reveals my skin going up the side. And a form-fitting red tee with a black tank top underneath that hides my excess rolls.  I finish my hair in half the time, using some of Hope's little tricks. A simple ponytail, nothing fancy, but I'm happy with it. 

Having some extra time, I guess I'll try applying some makeup. Glancing at the small, worn-out makeup bag I brought from home makes me hesitant. I don't have much, but the bag still refuses to close; several unsharpened eye pencils and dried mascara poke out. I wonder if any of it is usable; it's been a while since I've used it. 

I wonder if Sky would mind if I used a little of hers, glancing over at her oversized, fully stocked, maroon caboodle. I'm surprised she didn't take it, but she probably has multiples wherever she stays. Rummaging through it, I realize I have no clue what half of these things are. What's the difference between mascara and brow gel? Inspecting each item, I retreat to the basics, things I'm familiar with. I can always experiment later.