Fatal Flaws

"Hmm, so what are we doing today?" Hayden asks, pulling the closest binder over to him. He offered to help me study since I have three major tests tomorrow, and my training starts for work. So far, he's not much help just a distraction. He looks innocent sitting there flipping through pages. His face distorts into a weird expression, attempting to make out my chicken scratch. I've always had sloppy handwriting. Not only is it messy, but it's tiny. My teachers often complain about it being too small to read. Of course, I've never had a problem, people are so dramatic sometimes.

"Well, Your Majesty, I planned on taking a bus into town. I need to get some new clothes for work. Nothing I own is close to their uniform. They think I should dress like an old lady, wearing nice professional attire. Plus, I need to get some personal items," I answer mindlessly, trying to focus on my notes. I have a psychology test and haven't opened my books once. Hopefully, I can scrape by using common knowledge. I've got an A in the class so one poor grade won't kill me. But I don't want to get into the habit of not caring. I've worked too hard to get here and can't start messing up now.

"Why take the bus? You could have asked me, I don't care to take you," he questions, closing the binder, and placing it on the bed. I've created a system to help me study, organizing each subject by different colors. Color-coded with separate tabs. Now they're scattered everywhere, all the colors mixed up. I gather the green ones up into a pile near me. Green is for Psychology. I'm overwhelmed after two hours of cramming everything on human socialization I can. It's time for a break. It's odd to think how organized I've become, worrying about my grades. Back in grade school Johnny and I would laugh at kids who were like this. We called them brown nosers or kiss-ups. If he could see me now, he would talk so much shit. Everything has changed over the years. I miss him so much.

"Hello, earth to Bex, you in there?" he asks, waving his hand near me. I snap out of it, sitting back against the wall.

"Probably because I'm a big girl, and don't want to depend on anyone. Besides, I don't keep track of your schedule. How am I supposed to know when you're free to chaperone me?" I spat, closing my book and piling some notes on top of it. My brain's turned to mush. My eyes are dry and itchy from reading. Sometimes I feel like all this studying is a waste. Just because I read the words, doesn't mean my brain absorbs it.

"Well, I'm free. And guess what? I have no plans, so I'll take you. There's no point in wasting money paying for a ride. Especially when I'm right here," he offers, his eyes following me walking across the room. He continues watching me place the binders on the bookshelf, arranging them by size and color. I guess he has a point. The last round trip I took to town and back cost a small fortune. All the prices have gone up with the holidays approaching. I need to save all the money I can, especially after Thanksgiving. My mom had called, giving me an ultimatum: quit talking to Hayden or give up her extra financial help. Considering the church paid my tuition for the next few years, her pocket change isn't much. Besides, she doesn't get to control my life if she isn't helping. I'm free from her iron grip. This job came at exactly the right time. I haven't told Hayden about my mother yet, and I don't know if I will. Since she hasn't put money in my account, I shouldn't be buying clothes. But I have to if I want to keep this job.

"Alright, you make a good point. You can take me. Let me change and we can go," I sigh, defeated, walking toward the open closet door. Stepping behind it, I strip. Despite him seeing me naked, I still don't like him watching me. When we have sex, he doesn't notice my scar or other flaws. But changing would allow him to observe them in the light, up close and personal.

"Okay, I'm ready to go," I smile, stepping around the door. I decided on a comfortable casual look since I'll be trying clothes on. A pair of red and black joggers and a red long-sleeved shirt with a little front pocket. I finish it with a thin black sweater jacket, the word love outlined in red stitching.