Fatal Flaws

chapter 24

"Drop us off at Hope's Please. We have a huge biology experiment to finish before tomorrow," Sky demands. Only breaking the silence once we pull onto campus. She digs through her bag. The sound of random items clanging together fills the car. I watch through the mirror as she pulls out a small brush, and runs it through her hair.

"Hey Bex, do you want to hang out with us?" Skylar asks, the minute the car enters through the campus apartment gates. She tosses the brush back into her bag while digging a set of keys out with her other hand.

"No, thanks. I have an English paper due tomorrow and I have to finish it. I've been neglecting it all week. Next time though, I promise," I tell her, attempting to twist my body around in the seat to look at her before she climbs out. Her eyes roll back in her head while smirking at me. She always complains I spend too much time studying. If she had the choice, I'd probably be getting straight F's. I'm amazed at how she maintains top grades. I rarely see her with a book in her hand.

"Well, I guess. Bye, you guys. I'll see you in a little," she yells over her shoulder. Her suitcase makes a clanging noise, removing it from the car and smacking it against the door. We watch them lug their luggage up the stairs behind them.

"Don't you think we should talk about last night?" Hayden asks, pulling it away. Once again, catching me completely off guard. I guess I wasn't overreacting. I've been dreading being alone with him. I've gone over a million different things to say. As usual, my mind is blank.

"Take me home please, Hayden. What do we even need to talk about?" I whine. My cheeks reddening as my body sinks back into the seat. I want to disappear, to close my eyes and open them in my dorm room all alone.

"What do you mean?" He barks, keeping his eyes on the road. The car jerks, making a sharp left turn and pulling into my lot. Shifting into park, he seizes the moment to steal a glance in my direction. I can feel his eyes glaring at me.

"We're both adults. We had consensual sex. So what, shit happens," I snap, trying to avoid eye contact with him. I don't want to have this conversation. It's already bad enough, this whole situation is a mess. I don't need a reminder of what an awful person I am.

The rumbling quiets to a low growl before he shuts the engine off. This is my sign to flee. To escape the car, and avoid this awkward conversation we don't need to have.

"Look, it was great. I had a lot of fun. And yes, before you even ask, it was worth it. But I have to get this paper done, okay? I have to keep my grades up. I'll see you later," I almost scream at him, attempting to climb out of the car. Without skipping a beat, I grab my bags from the back seat. I don't even wait for his response, sprinting to the door. I'm not fast enough. He caught me.

"Bex," he states firmly, grabbing my arm. I slide out of his grasp, flinging the door open, and rushing up the steps. I'm almost to my room, to safety. Before I shut the door fully, he barged in behind me.

"Are you serious? That's all you have to say," he mutters, aggravated with the situation. I choose to ignore him while he walks in circles around the room. His fists balled up, tugging away at his hair, resembling a madman.

"What is your deal? You, of all people, should understand where I'm coming from," I hiss, reaching my breaking point. Why the hell does he want to sit here and discuss this? Stepping back, I maneuver my body, trying to keep my distance from him.

"You sleep with plenty of girls, no strings attached, right?" I snap at him. Not even expecting him to answer. Acting like he isn't in the room, I throw my bag onto the bed. It lands with a hard enough force to pop open. My clothes and other belongings spill out across the bed. He stops pacing, looking over at me. His eyes blazing in a fit of anger I've never seen before.

"What if I don't want it to be that? Maybe I want to keep doing it. I mean, we don't need to have strings. I'd prefer it if we didn't. No one said we're going to get married. Or we can act like it never happened, and that's it. You go your way and I go mine," he rambles, giving me an ultimatum. I can't believe this is happening to me. Three days ago, I wondered if I was a fling to him, another notch on his belt. Now here he is, trying to make me believe there's something between us. He doesn't even know me. There are so many things he doesn't know. That he can never know, no one can.

"You don't even know me enough to want that. What do you mean? I'm confused. So we keep fucking, but it doesn't matter if we mess with other people. Is that what you're saying?" Without thinking, I blurt out, "You don't seem to have any issues sleeping with whomever you want. Whenever you want, regardless of the consequences." In a split second, his eyes turn from anger to pure rage. Red blotches splash across his cheeks.

"Are you kidding me right now? Look who's talking. For us not knowing each other well enough, you sure are quick to fucking judge someone, aren't you? After everything you confessed to me last night, I don't look at you differently. But now I see how you view me," he screams, spit flying out the corners of his mouth. At first, his outburst confused me. Now I'm just mad, fuming. Who does he think he is? He's talking to me like he's lost his mind. I'll be damned if he thinks he can speak to me however he wants.

"What the fuck do you want from me, Hayden? Do you need me to specify that I'm a bitch? That I'm a horrible fucking person with severe daddy issues. Someone who pushes people away because everyone I get close to either dies or leaves me. That yeah, of course, I feel some way about you. But it can never go there. Your sister is my best friend, and I have crossed the line with you too many times already. I refuse to lose her trust," I yell back at him. My cheeks burn with anger.

"I'm fucked up, okay? I can't get close to anyone. Okay, I'm better off by myself." I'm out of breath by the time I finish hollering at him.

"Yea, well guess what, I'm fucked up too. You're not the only one with a past. But you don't care enough to know mine. The only difference between us is I'm willing to try. But like you said, it will never happen. Don't worry, I get the hint loud and clear this time," he spat. Not bothering to look at me as he walks out the door, slamming it loudly behind him.

The minute the door closes, my legs turn to jello, falling to my knees. Once again, breaking down. I don't fight it, allowing myself to let it out. Why am I such a fuckup? What's wrong with me? Why do I keep doing this to myself repeatedly? No wonder everyone hates me. I truly am a horrible person. April's right, I don't deserve this second chance. Balling my body up, I tightly pull my knees to my chest. I sit like this for hours in the middle of the room crying like a giant baby. My body rocks back and forth, trying to make the pain stop.