In Y/N's apartment, the air was cold and still. The apartment was as dark as she could make it, with the remnants of daytime pushing an orange glow through the windows and through the cheap curtains. Y/N was napping on the sofa, gently shaking from a nightmare.
I open my eyes. I'm in Kindergarten? It's the day of our Halloween party. That one when I was 4. I was turning 5 the next month. The teachers helped us set this up every year. My friends are wearing various costumes- pirates, princesses, heroes. I was a girly version of Endeavour, my favourite hero. My mom worked so hard on that costume. Her heart full of pride for her little girl, she made sure to take plenty of pictures before she dropped me off for school. Those pictures captured the perfect stillness of the last few hours before everything went to shit. They were the last good memory.
I was a late bloomer for my quirk. I only had 3 weeks for my quirk to manifest before I turned 5. My parents weren't terribly concerned for me, they knew it would come eventually. My dad's quirk was one where he could hold his breath an absurd amount of time. Roughly 30 minutes. My mom's, she had a form of invisibility that she had to really concentrate to activate. It would work as long as someone didn't look at her directly.
I ended up inheriting a mix of both. But my lungs were nowhere near as good as my dad's, and I couldn't turn invisible per se, but rather people couldn't look at me.
It manifested today. The Halloween party.
Didn't I want hot cocoa? We all did, right? Miss Suzuki was making more for the class. The kettle had boiled, next to all the mugs filled with chocolate powder. My best friend, Fumiko is next to her, waiting for her helping of hot cocoa.
"Fumiko! Miss Suzuki! I have to show you something!" I run up to them, calling their name. Fumiko's facing the counter. Slowly, she turns around. Her face is red and maroon, her skin rapidly blistering with 3rd degree burns. Her face is melting off.
"Why did you kill me?" She gargles.
This isn't my best friend, right?
"I didn't mean to... You have to believe me, Fumi!"
But it is. This is my best friend now.
"You killed me. You killed me. You killed me." The class turns around, pointing at me, chanting. I cover my ears and scream.
Y/N gasped, waking from the dream. She clutches her chest as she tries to stop hyperventilating. She held her breath, an easy way to reduce her rapid heart rate. She tries to remind herself it was just a dream.
But it wasn't a dream. It was real.
She normally had this recurring dream. A stark reminder of what she is, and what she did. The endless pain and suffering she brought.
Trying to shake away the thoughts, she checked the time on her phone. Her alarm was set to go off in 4 minutes. Seeing no point in remaining asleep, she got up.
Y/N showered quickly before taking her hero costume out of the tumble drier. She rubbed the fabric of the tank top between her fingers, feeling its lingering heat from the drier. She'd gone on plenty of patrols in this outfit, but that was when she had one full quirk. Now she had half of one. Or did she have 2 in the first place? Too many questions, not enough time. Y/N put the costume on, as well as her capture bracelets. After digging through her drawers, she found her hero licence and put it in her pocket. She laced up her boots and left the sanctity of her apartment.
Her head leant against the window of the train, Y/N's eyes followed the lights whizzing by, contrasting the blackness of the night sky.
After disembarking the train, she headed to the location Aizawa sent her.
"Aizawa." She greeted him, watching the man clad in his usual outfit plus his goggles turn around to meet her eyes.
"It's Eraser Head. And what should I refer to you as? Still no hero name?" Y/N bit her tongue. She did not need him looking her up.
"L/N. That works just fine." She crossed her arms.
"Should we get going?" Y/N continued.
"Yeah."
The two of them walked about the city centre, eventually finding the red-light district. They helped drunk people get taxis, as well as tell off people that were a little too drunk.
"I forgot how boring patrol is sometimes..." Y/N rubbed her tired eyes.
"Not all the time, though..." Aizawa added quietly, edging towards an alley. Y/N silently followed.
"Come on, just come home with me!" A man was cornering a woman. The woman looked to be in her twenties, the man in his thirties.
"No, please..." She begged, but her pleas fell on deaf ears.
"Just shut the fuck up and come with me..." He pulled out a knife, holding it menacingly.
Aizawa took a step back and mouthed 'You do it.'
Y/N held her breath, silently approaching like an animal stalking its prey.
She got a few feet behind him, before kicking him in the side, and quickly wrapping her capture weapon around his arm and taking the knife. She used her other bracelet to wind the string around him, capturing him. She placed a boot on top of him as he tried to wriggle free.
"You okay?" Y/N asked. The woman was shaking. She slowly nodded before finally snapping out of the initial shock.
"Thank you... Thank you!" She cried, hugging Y/N. Y/N froze, her eyes darting to Aizawa who was quietly chuckling. Apprehensively, she returned the embrace.
"No worries. Do you need us to call a cab for you?" She asked, pulling away.
"No, I'll be okay, I'll call my friend." She said timidly.
"If you're sure. Just make sure you wait somewhere safe, okay? Go stand with that bouncer over there while you wait." Y/N pointed to a bouncer standing outside of a bar.
"Thank you, I will!" The lady smiled, before walking over to the bouncer.
"...You weren't much help." She turned to her companion.
"I would have made too much noise. If he heard me coming, he could have taken her hostage and held the knife to her throat. You were best suited to the situation." He shrugged, helping her pick the man up.
"...Fair enough." They walked, carrying the angry criminal to the police station.
"So? How did it feel?" Aizawa asked.
"Good. It felt good to help people again." He nodded.
"Then let's keep doing that." He responded. Y/N met his eyes, mouth agape slightly. She looked down, trying to hide a smile.
"Jesus Christ, get a room!" The criminal chimed in. Y/N swiftly brought a knee to his chest. He coughed and spluttered before finally shutting up.
"Here you go, all wrapped up for you." Y/N plopped the man down on the counter at the police station. The blonde woman at the desk didn't flinch at the odd scene. Clearly something she was used to.
"Thank you. Can I see your hero licence please?" She asked, directing the question at Y/N.
"Sure... But why just me?" She turned to Eraser Head.
"Oh, well Eraser Head normally drops off a few to us every night so we're all familiar with him. I do think I recognise you... But I can't remember you off the top of my head, sorry!" The blonde sweat dropped.
Y/N sighed, pulling her licence out of her pocket. She tried to hide it from Aizawa as she slid it over the counter. The lady read it over.
"And which agency should I send the report to so you can get paid?" Y/N grimaced.
"Uhhhhhhh-"
"The same one as me." Eraser Head interrupted. Her head snapped to Aizawa's, slowly blinking from shock.
"Great! Thanks for your hard work, Eraser Head and..." She reread the licence before handing it back to Y/N.
"Nightshade." She shuddered. No one had called her that in a year. All it took was one online search for her name and he would know everything.
Aizawa's brows raised.
"...Nightshade?" He said slowly.
"Yes. I thought it was cool at the time." He smiled.
"We'll see you later." Eraser Head said goodbye to the desk clerk. They stepped out into the fresh air of the night sky. Y/N tried to ignore the anxiety building in her chest.
"...Y/N?"
No. No no no no.
She froze at the woman stood in front of her. Her breath stopped, an automatic defence mechanism. She remembered her as a fellow classmate, at just 4 years old. She remembered her as a little girl in a Halloween princess costume.
"...Emi." Y/N mouthed.
"You're working as a hero again... Seriously? You should have never been one in the first place." Y/N's heart stopped beating. She didn't know she could do that.
"You know what she did right...? Look up her hero name!" The girl laughed incredulously, turning to Aizawa. His face was full of confusion.
"She killed our friend."
Me and my friends were playing tag outside. Inside, the kids were drawing Halloween themed pictures to take home for their parents. We ran around the garden, chasing one another.
"Where do you keep going, Y/N?!" I turned to Emi.
"Huh?"
"You keep disappearing when I'm chasing you!"
"...Really?!" We stopped running.
"Yeah! Maybe your quirk finally came!"
"It's my mom's invisibility! It has to be!" I jumped up and down buzzing in excitement. My friends were excited too. Oh, how wrong I was.
"I have to tell Fumiko! And Miss Suzuki!" I turned on my heels, barrelling for the doors to get inside. I threw them open, running over to my best friend and Miss Suzuki. Miss Suzuki was making us more hot cocoa. She had the kettle filled with boiled water on the counter. Fumiko was next to her, impatiently waiting for her mug of hot cocoa.
"FUMI!" I stood next to Miss Suzuki. She jumped back at my very sudden appearance next to her.
"Ah!" She knocked over the kettle in surprise. It tumbled over the counter, the boiling water pouring over Fumiko's face before the kettle itself smacked her in the face with a 'crack'. Fumiko screamed. Her face turned bright red before turning maroon. Her face was one big 3rd degree burn. Everyone else started screaming.
"I didn't mean to... I didn't mean to!" My cries fell on deaf ears. The kids were too busy being traumatised for life to listen to me.
She died in the hospital the next day. She never had a chance.
Y/N ran in the opposite direction. She ran as fast as her legs could carry her. Her boots pounded against the concrete, her breathing still stopped. If she stopped breathing, stopped her heart, then the anxiety couldn't build. She ignored the looks of people on the street, ignoring the burning in her legs. Eventually, she had to breathe. She couldn't keep this up whilst exerting herself. She gasped for breath, before trying to hold it again. Y/N found an abandoned building, and used her grapple bracelet to hook onto the building railing and pull herself up. She slid down the wall of the roof entrance, finally allowing herself to breathe. Breathing turned to crying, crying turned to ugly sobs, with her legs pulled up to her chest. She dug her face into her legs, throwing her glasses to the side, letting the tears fall.
"...Hey." Aizawa called from the ledge. He'd pulled himself up, not particularly pleased with how long he had to give chase for. But he wasn't going to let that show.
He wasn't going to let it show that there was one part of him that, when hearing she had done something terrible during her hero career, thought maybe she was a bad person.
He wasn't going to let it show that the concern he had for her wellbeing far overpowered any worry the old him would have had about her potentially being a villain.
And he certainly wasn't going to let it show that his heart cracked when seeing her like this.
She lifted her head just enough to reveal her red eyes, visible in the moonlight. His goggles were on top of his head, showing his eyebrows knitted in worry. With a sigh, he sat himself down next to her.
"Want to talk about it?" He asked. She sniffled.
"I- I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to do it." Y/N strained. Silently, he waited for her to continue.
"When my quirk first manifested, it was a little... Out of control." He nodded, knowing she wasn't even looking. Her head was still buried in her knees.
"It wasn't just when I held my breath. It was in between breaths. And when I ran out of breath from playing and running. My parents quirks didn't mix well. So in between breaths, and when running, it was like- like I was glitching around the room. I was in one place then another. I didn't know what was going on." She lifted her head to rest her chin on her knees, and wiped her eyes. Aizawa slipped an arm around her shoulder. She welcomed the touch.
"I wanted to show my teacher that my quirk came. I thought it was just invisibility. I didn't know it was like I was jumping around the room. I appeared next to her, and she dropped boiling water all over my friend. She died in hospital from the burns." He rubbed her shoulder with his thumb, silently comforting her.
"Her parents were grief-stricken. They left the country. The neighbourhood was so angry. Our house would get trashed constantly, smashed windows and 'murderer' spray painted on the door. My parents got fired from their jobs because even though I wasn't named in all the news articles, the locals knew it was me. Their jobs said it wasn't good publicity. They lost everything, their friends, family, and they were going to take the house too when they couldn't pay the mortgage. They hated me. They couldn't look me in the eye anymore. They would drop food off at my bedroom door, any effort to not have to look at me. They didn't do anything for my birthday a few weeks later. It's so silly, but I was 5 and it hurt. Even though I knew I didn't deserve anything." Aizawa met her eyes sadly.
"I found them. When I was 6, on my birthday. They didn't give me dinner, so I looked in their bedroom. They were lying on the bed. My dad had a gun in his hand, and they were both dead. Suicide pact. It was so messy... There was a note, and it said, 'We're sorry.' Eventually, rumours went round that I killed them too. I went to go get a neighbour, and when I went downstairs, there was a birthday cake. It had a '6' candle, lit. I don't know, to this day, if that 'sorry' note was for me or Fumi's family."
Y/N flicked her eyes to Aizawa. He had a look of horror.
"Who looked after you?" He whispered.
"Foster families, group homes. Bounced around the system a lot, never stayed in one place too long, because I was the 'future villain' kid." The stars twinkled in the sky, looking down at 2 vastly different yet strikingly similar people.
"What was that like?" His voice is like molasses. He says nothing particularly comforting, yet he does everything she needed. Listening, holding her, just being there- it's everything she needed in that moment. For once, she didn't feel alone in her sadness and pain. For the first time in 19 years, someone was truly there for her. Sure, she had friends in high school, but they didn't know humour was how she coped with the pain. They didn't know her deeply. Keigo reacted uncomfortably when he found out she killed someone, opting to change the subject whenever she seemed sad about it.
But Aizawa, oh Aizawa. All he had to do was listen, put an arm around her shoulder, and she was putty in his hands.
"That's a story for another day, I think. But you should know, I was never a very famous hero. I wasn't underground either. But eventually, people linked Nightshade to what happened back then and ran a hate campaign against me. All it takes is one search for my hero name online, and it all comes up. That's why I hid my hero name from you all. The agency already wanted to drop me because of this, losing my quirk was the icing on the cake."
"You can join the agency I'm with. It's one for underground heroes. They let us get on with what we want to do without making us do appearances or sell merch, and they handle all the hero insurance stuff. We make less mess than normal pro heroes, so they favour having us with them." She tilted her head at this.
"Become an underground hero?"
"Yeah. With me."
"And they won't care about what I did?" She confirmed.
"No. Not at all." He moved his hand to hold her face, gently cupping her cheek in his palm. With his thumb, he wiped away the stray tears.
"I want to know more about you. All the bad parts included. Everything that makes you, you." Through glossy eyes, she met his with surprise.
"Really? Keigo didn't..." She let out a dry laugh.
"Like I said, he's a shallow asshole." Y/N was slowly turning red from the contact. Aizawa could feel the warmth on his hand. He pulled away.
"Let me walk you home."
----
The pair stand outside Y/N's apartment, the communal lighting dimly covering the halls in light.
"Wanna come in?" She smiled sweetly, opening the door. Aizawa entered.
They made themselves comfortable, for once Y/N making no move to prepare a drink.
"I'm shattered. No tea or coffee tonight." She leant against the sofa, letting the cushions absorb her and her tiredness. She wore her exhaustion physically; it practically weighed her down.
"I'll do it." Aizawa filled the kettle, getting out their mugs.
"Thanks." She moved to lie down on the sofa, closing her eyes for a moment. The pain of unresolved trauma being brought back up wore her down, and she just needed a moment to breathe- well, not breathe, actually. It was the only thing that could prevent physical anxiety. She had found this out her first year at UA, and didn't realise until a recent conversation with Aizawa that it could still work.
"...Do you do that often?" He called from the kitchen, not turning around.
"Huh?"
"Stop breathing for no reason. Is that an old habit?" He continued, a hint of concern lacing his words.
"I guess. Sometimes I feel panicky. Chest getting tight, heart going too fast. Breathing too fast. What fixes all that? Not breathing at all. Then as a bonus, my heart stops going too fast. Now that I know I can still do that, it's great." Her eyes remained closed.
"Using your quirk to stop panic attacks probably isn't emotionally healthy, L/N." She felt him gently lift up her legs by her ankles to make room for him to sit down on the sofa. He put them back down, over his lap once he was comfortable. She shot him a blank look, before closing her eyes again and accepting the situation.
"I'm not an emotionally healthy person, Aizawa." She retorted.
"And why is that?"
"I told you already."
"Not all of it. Like I said earlier, I still want to know more about you." She opened her eyes, moving to sit up next to him and take her drink. She found solace staring at her tired reflection in the mug. Until she noticed the stark bags under her eyes, her dull skin and dull eyes devoid of life.
"...Why?" She questioned, still staring at her reflection in the light brown drink.
"You seem interesting." This finally makes Y/N look at Aizawa. His own expression is blank. She tries to read his face, and comes up with nothing.
"Yes, a tired, miserable, already semi-retired at 23 pro hero must be so unbelievably interesting." Y/N retorted sarcastically. In her defence, she was the most unremarkable person possible. She had a quirk that made her literally unremarkable. She was most certainly depressed, even if she didn't want to admit it. She even looked unremarkable.
"Yes, exactly." Aizawa thought every part of her was intriguing. For instance, the bags under her eyes. He wanted to know more about the insomnia and nightmares. Why does she straighten her hair? Is it another way to shed her old identity and crawl into the safety of this new, untouchable one? Why the name Nightshade? When did she decide that not breathing was a good solution for a panic attack? So many questions, not enough answers. He simply had to know. He had a dying need to know every single thing that made her tick and every single thing that made her happy. Like chicken ramen, like helping the students, like... Aizawa giving her the physical touch she oh so desperately craved. She was touch starved, probably her whole life up until Hawks, and at least the past year. That lady hugging her made her uncomfortable, yet she didn't so much as flinch when Aizawa snaked a hand around her shoulders or held her face.
"...Whatever, weirdo." She mumbled, trying to hide the blush on her face.
"Maybe I'll go around the staff and ask what they remember of you..." She laughed at this.
"Good luck with that. I didn't talk to any teachers about my personal life. But have at it..." She took a sip of her tea.
"What's it going to take for you to just tell me?"
"A lot of alcohol." She laughed.
"Good thing the Halloween staff party is this Friday, after the parent-teacher meetings." Y/N grimaced at this.
"If you think I'm going to that, you're hilarious." She folded her arms over her chest. The thought of dolling herself up and socialising was the last thing she wanted, especially on the 19th anniversary of kinda-sorta killing her best friend.
"If Hizashi makes me go, he is certainly going to make you go too. And so will I." Clearly, he wasn't going to let her not go.
"Fine."
A/N
No idea why the last part of the chapter is in italics. 抖阴社区 won't let me change it either lmao.
Next time: Parent teacher meetings?! Hilarity ensues.
Thank you as always,
Wyatt.