TW: DEPICTIONS OF SELF-HARM, SELF-DEPRECATING THOUGHTS, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK
Y/N had dreaded coming in Monday. After the events of Friday, surely hell would rain down upon Aizawa for the assault of All Might.
"L/N! Glad you could make time to meet with me." She smiled, trying to remain professional, knowing what was coming. Nezu had poured her some tea, and was now sitting at his desk.
"I've just spoken to Aizawa, but I thought you should know All Might does not intend to press charges against him." Her eyes widened.
"After explaining to All Might how his lack of commitment affected you and the students, he decided against legal action. Especially after I suggested to him that if he wishes to stay at UA, then he should leave well enough alone!" He beamed. Y/N wondered why on earth he even wanted to stay.
"But why does he even want to stay here? Doesn't he make enough money already?" She voiced her thoughts.
"He would like to keep an eye on Midoriya and his training." She scoffed heavily at this.
"Okay, about that-"
"I know what it looks like. L/N, I have eyes everywhere. I know personally the situation between All Might and Midoriya, and I can assure you nothing unsavoury is going on." She huffed at his interruption.
"Are you sure? Because I don't want something like this to go unchecked just because it's All Might." He seemed to find this funny.
"I am certain of it. L/N, it's things like this that make you an excellent teacher." She raised a brow.
"The students have improved immensely under your tutelage. However, the issue is, is that you cannot be the public face of Heroics at UA. I fully understand why you are keeping your past private, however it means that you cannot give us the public side of Heroics. All Might is no longer going to be teaching heroics, and instead he will be occasionally dropping in to check on the students' progress. This way, he will remain the poster boy of UA, whilst you are doing the important work. However, when we have prospective students and parents visit, we will explain how you teach Heroics, and your excellent quality of teaching." Y/N blinked slowly. Was Nezu seriously giving her more work?
"Of course, this will come with a considerable pay rise for you. In fact, I have ensured that you will be earning much more than All Might was, much to the displeasure of the school board. And to give you more time, you're officially relieved of your homeroom duties after this morning's homeroom! However, you are obviously more than welcome to go to 1-A's homeroom to discuss anything you need to with Aizawa or the students."
Y/N didn't quite know how to feel. She hated sharing homeroom with Aizawa at first. But now a couple months down the line, she was enjoying seeing him. Is he going to have no reason to talk to her anymore? Is he going to leave her?
"Okay. I'll do my best to live up to your expectations, Nezu." She left the room, that all too familiar heavy feeling settling in her chest, already overwhelmed. Getting rid of homeroom just wasn't going to give her enough time.
·
"I don't have any announcements for homeroom today, but I believe Miss L/N has one." He smiled, gesturing for her to address the class. She looked at the happy faces around the room, getting a painful bitter-sweet feeling.
"This is my last homeroom with you guys." The students' faces turned upset, breaking out into hushed gasps and whispers.
"It's been a pleasure being your homeroom teacher, but All Might is no longer teaching Heroics, so I am teaching it alone. He will still drop into lessons to provide advice and teach here and there, but for all intents and purposes, I am the only Heroics teacher at UA. Because of this, I need more free time to mark work and prepare for lessons, so I cannot be your homeroom teacher. But remember, I am still your Heroics teacher, so this isn't goodbye." She finished her speech with a grin, as the bell went. The students packed up their things, thanking Y/N and making their way to first period.
"Guess this is it, huh?" She told Aizawa, the pair also putting away their stuff.
"Can't get rid of me that easily. Why don't I come round tonight?" He proposed. Not looking back at him, she tried to hide her smile.
"Sure."
Aizawa and Y/N bid their farewells, before heading off to their respective classes.
·
It had been 3 days of being the only Heroics teacher for Y/N. It was midterms week, and she had the exams of 120 students to mark, as well as analysing recordings of class fights to determine the Student vs Teacher battle exams.
"L/N..." Hizashi called from his cubicle in the staff office, trying to get Y/N's attention. She had her headphones on, the glare of the screen reflecting on her glasses. Her hair was curly and natural, thrown up in a bun. Bits of hair were hanging off of it loosely, using the time saved from not straightening it to mark more work.
"L/N!" He used his quirk, albeit at a lower level.
"What the fuck!" She shouted, pulling her headphones off.
"Sorry, you were in another world!" He apologised. Hizashi got up, wanting to see what Y/N was doing. He peered over her shoulder. On the screen, was a paused video, showing a fight between Todoroki and Shoji in Gym Gamma.
"I'm watching videos to see who I should group together for the student teacher exams." She was chewing on her pen, still deep in thought.
"Any ideas so far?" He asked, trying to look at the notes scrawled in the book in front of her.
"I definitely want Yaoyorozu to fight Aizawa, because she's been relying on her quirk too much. Even when I try to correct her, she forgets and starts panicking and making random stuff in fights. And I want Jiro to fight me, because of her hearing, and how silent I am." She twirled the pen in her fingers. Hizashi got a good look at Y/N, taking in the dishevelled appearance.
"L/N, is there a chance you're overworking again?" She turned to him, looking at him as if he'd murdered someone in front of her.
"I've got a lot of work to do, and I need to get it all done."
"Alright, just try not to keep working through lunch!" She responded by holding up a jelly pouch Aizawa had given her, and slurping some down.
The bell rang, signalling the start of homeroom. Hizashi got up, saying his goodbyes. Y/N of course stayed, using her newfound free time to keep working. She checked the clock, and checked how much work she had done.
No no no, this was nowhere near enough. She was behind. She couldn't be behind. She needed to be faster, better. She held her breath- a panic attack would slow her down. But it didn't stop her feeling uneasy, no, not at all.
She worked. She worked harder, better, faster. She just needed to be better, she had to be.
·
"L/N." Aizawa was tapping his foot impatiently at the doorway of the staff office. After Y/N's lesson, she decided to do some more work whilst waiting for Aizawa to finish up. But in the end, he was wating for her.
"Hm? Oh, sorry." She noticed him, clicking out of the video she was watching and putting away her notebooks.
"I think it might be a good idea for me to help you with marking tonight." Aizawa stated, posing it as an absolute rather than just asking if she needed the help.
"Okay. Thank you."
After a short drive, they arrived at her home. Y/N unlocked the door, allowing him in. She made their drinks very quickly, before getting to business.
"You don't waste time, do you?" He commented, taking some exam papers from her.
"Nope. I'm way behind. I've decided on Todoroki and Yaoyorozu fighting you, Jiro and Shoji fighting me, and Uraraka and Aoyama fighting Thirteen. I'm still figuring out the rest."
"Hm. Todoroki and Yaoyorozu, that will be interesting. Why aren't you just having them fight robots like every other year?" The news that Y/N wanted to shake up the midterms intrigued most of the staff, and Aizawa was no exception.
"That's too easy. Using teachers means it's tailored for each student. And to make it fair, teachers will all be wearing training weights, weighing half our body weight." He nodded. Y/N was never going to take the easy way out, at the detriment of her students. Robots was a nice way to have less on her plate, sure, but she is a teacher first and foremost. She must do everything in her power to make sure they succeed.
The two worked mostly in silence for a few hours, occasionally asking one another for opinions on marking and student matchups.
On the surface, Y/N was doing well to hide how overwhelmed and anxious she was. After all, Nezu had thrown her in the deep end with nothing more than an arm float. But Aizawa noticed the little things, the chewing on her pen, biting her cheek, constantly bouncing her leg. He tried his hardest not to say anything. All he could do, was try and help out where he could.
Eventually, the sun set, and Aizawa had to get home.
"Thanks for helping me out tonight." Y/N told him, the two standing in the doorway.
"No problem. Let me know if you need anything before patrol tonight." They waved goodbye, and she watched him walk down the hallway, shutting the door.
Quickly, she checked the progress they had made.
Still behind. This wasn't good. She couldn't work fast enough. Even with someone helping her, she just wasn't good enough. She was a bad teacher. She was a bad hero. She wasn't good enough. She was a failure. She was failing her students! With frustrated sobs, she gripped her hair.
Because she wasn't good enough to cope, she held her breath. But because she wasn't good enough, that awful uneasy, tight feeling filled her chest, weighing her down like cement.
Because she wasn't good enough, she needed a release. She needed pain, because she deserved it, because she wasn't GOOD ENOUGH.
Y/N opened her bathroom door, entering and searching for a razor blade. She closed it behind her.
She pulled off her trousers, exposing her upper thigh, exposing the fact that she had restarted an old bad habit 2 days ago, because she just wasn't good enough to cope. Exposing maroon-coloured long scabs and angry marks.
Because she wasn't good enough, she dragged the metal across her thigh in a pathetic attempt to feel something other than worthlessness and anxiety. Because she deserved the pain, she kept going. She watched the red run down her leg, and drip onto the tiled floor, from her seat on the edge of the bathtub. The uneasy feeling slowly dissipated, the pain bringing her back to reality. Back to a reality where she was a depressed, tired-looking unlovable woman who was meant to be so much more. A reality where she wasn't a good teacher, but she was trying her best, right? But was her best good enough?
"L/N, I think I left my phone in your bathroom." Oh no, not now. Not now. Her eyes darted to the sink. Sure enough, on the counter to the side of it, was his phone.
And less than a second after he had said it, he opened the bathroom door. Because she was stupid, and didn't lock it. Because she had forgotten she had given him a spare key, and thought she didn't have to lock the bathroom door in her own home. Because she wasn't good enough to hide what she was.
Aizawa let go of the doorknob. He stood in the doorway, unable to say anything. His eyes darted erratically between her bare legs, the blood on the floor, her hand holding the razor, and her red eyes. Luckily for her, her left leg was facing Aizawa, and he couldn't see what she had done to her right leg. His mouth was open slightly, and his eyes wide. Frantically, she kicked the door shut, quickly locking it. This finally shook Aizawa out of his trance.
"Y/N. What happened?" He was confused. What was going on?
"He can't see me like this, he can't see me like this, he can't see me like this..." She whispered repeatedly, panicking. She got up, pacing the room, before grabbing some spray and cleaning supplies from the cupboard under the sink and scrubbing the blood off the floor.
"Just a second!" She called cheerily, drying the floor then wiping her leg.
"Are you okay? What was that you were holding?" She wrapped her leg in bandages and gauze before pulling her trousers back on.
"Yeah, I'm fine! I was just holding my phone!" Aizawa stopped twisting the knob, looking to the side at her phone which was on the sofa.
"...Right. Why was there blood on the floor?" She washed her hands hurriedly, the pink tinted water going down the drain.
"Accidentally cut my hand whilst washing up a knife!" Y/N kicked herself as soon as she said it. Now, she was going to have to create some evidence for this claim. She took the razor, and clenched her teeth as she quickly dragged it against the palm of her hand, creating a shallow cut.
"Why were your trousers off?" He just wouldn't let it go, would he?
"They were uncomfortable, so I took them off. Don't tell me you walk around your apartment alone and fully clothed!" She laughed, while trying to make it look like she had tried to bandage her hand.
"Fair enough... Do you need any help? Bandaging your own hand is tricky." Looking around the room one final time, she quickly threw the razor in the trash before opening the door.
"Yes please." She stood in the doorway, her hand loosely wrapped in gauze and bandages. Aizawa peered over the top of her head. The bathroom was clean, any signs of blood gone.
"Okay then." He helped her secure the bandages and gauze.
"You should only need to keep these on for a day or two at most. Be more careful next time." He walked past her, taking his phone off the counter.
A/N
Another double upload because this chapter had a totally different ending and I wasn't happy with it, so it's very short. See you soon!
Lots of love,
Wyatt.