LISA
"If you're not going to talk about what's bothering you, how am I supposed to help?" Jisoo's voice is sharp, laced with frustration.
"You have a problem, Lisa. No matter how much you deny it, it's written all over your face."
She pauses, eyes narrowing. "Is this about Jennie dating Kai again?"
I let out a sigh.
"This isn't about them. Goddamnit, will you just talk?!" Jisoo throws her hands in the air. "Am I talking to a wall? Earth to Lisa?"
And here we go again—stuck in the dorm while Jisoo nags about something I barely understand. What is she even talking about? Did Dalgom pee in her room again?
"Lalisa Manoban! Are you even listening to me?" She snaps her fingers in front of my face, jolting me back to reality.
Oh god. I thought I was just dreaming that Jisoo was talking to me. But nope. This is real. And my mind? Completely blank.
Where's Chaeng when I need her?
"Lisa!" Jisoo yells, even though we're literally face-to-face. She looks like she's about to murder me. "I've been talking for ten minutes, and you just zoned out again. For the hundredth time, what is your problem?!"
She's furious.
"I—I—I..."
Jisoo rolls her eyes. "I—I—I..." she mocks. "Spit it out. And don't even think about saying what I know you're going to say, because I'm not accepting it."
"I'm okay."
"Okay, my ass. Talk."
"I don't have a problem."
"Yeah? Because your face is telling me otherwise. Talk."
"Jisoo—"
"Talk."
"Kim Jisoo!"
Jisoo's patience snaps. "Lalisa!" Her glare sharpens, but her voice softens. "Look, Lisa. You have a problem, and it shows. Chaeyoung noticed. Jennie noticed. You've been acting weird lately. Is this about the world tour? The one Mr. Yang announced?"
I shake my head quickly. "No! Of course not! I'm excited about it. A world tour, unnie. Plus guesting in America? Who wouldn't want that?"
Jisoo studies me, scanning my face like she's searching for cracks in my lie. She sees right through me. My attempt to change the subject doesn't work.
She circles back to the same question.
"Lisa, what's wrong?"
And just like that, my mind drifts again.
Joohyun.
She's always in my head. Always.
When I told the taxi driver to keep driving, to take us anywhere, it felt like one of the happiest moments of my life.
Holding her in my arms—it was different.
So different from stepping onto a stage with thousands of fans cheering my name.
She feels different.
The way she makes me feel is completely different. It's something I can only experience when we're together—when she's close to me, holding my hand, her head resting on my shoulder, her warmth against my chest.
Joohyun makes me feel things I can't even begin to explain.
And the kiss. That simple, soft peck on my lips. That's the problem. It's still so fresh in my mind. On my lips. I can still feel the tenderness of her kiss, the way her lips brushed against mine, and how it lit up everything inside me. How it made the world feel like it was falling apart and I was powerless to stop it.
The kiss.
And now, with Jisoo interrogating me, I'm already on the edge. I'm so close to telling her everything—to admit how a woman kissed me, how Joohyun's kiss has left me this way.
"J-J-Joohyun..." I can barely say her name without stumbling over it.
Jisoo's eyes soften, and she steps forward, gently cupping my face in her hands.
I only realize now that a tear has slipped down my cheek.
"What did she do to you?" The anger in Jisoo's voice makes my heart race. She might be the playful one, the one who jokes around and gets called the fake maknae, but when it comes to protecting people she cares about, she's fierce. "What the hell did she do?"
I panic as her words hit me.
"Just say the word, Lisa, and I'll storm into Red Velvet's dorm and drag Irene right here!" She snaps, and I know she means it.
I shake my head. I can't let Jisoo do that.
"She kissed me." The words finally escape my lips.
Jisoo stares at me intently, waiting for more.
"Be specific, Lisa. Did she touch you? Did anything else happen? Did she take advantage of you? What else?" Her hands grip my face, forcing me to look at her.
"It was just that. A kiss."
"What kind of kiss? Be more..."
"A peck on my lips, unnie. Just that!"
Jisoo stared at me, still looking completely confused. It was as if she didn't believe what she heard. But when I repeated myself, making it clear that it was just a peck on the lips, her eyes widened.
"Jesus, Manoban! You're about to lose your mind over a kiss?!" She finally understood what I was saying, her voice rising in disbelief. "A kiss? A kiss did this to you?!"
"U-unnie..." I tried to be reasonable, but what else could I say? Yes. Joohyun's kiss did this to me.
"Oh, baby..." Jisoo cooed, opening her arms for a hug. She wore this playful pout, and for a second, I wasn't sure if I should be annoyed or relieved by her reaction.
"It's okay, Lisa. You kissed your crush. Not everyone gets to have that kind of privilege."
"Correction, unnie. She kissed me," I snorted, shaking my head.
"Bae Joohyun kissed you. Wouldn't you be proud of that?" Jisoo grinned.
"Chu, we're women. And why does it feel like it's no big deal to you?"
"Love is love, Lisa. Love knows no gender."
"We're not talking about love here."
"But you love her."
"Where did you get that idea?!"
"Your actions."
"Jisoo..."
"I dare you to kiss me."
"Oh my god, this is what happens when you read too many lesbian books!"
"And compare Irene's kiss to mine."
"No. I won't!" I pulled away, trying to escape her grip.
But Jisoo wasn't having it. She'd learned taekwondo for a reason, and using it on me was a completely normal move.
Before I knew it, I was pinned to the wall, frozen in place. Jisoo's heart-shaped lips pressed against mine, and I felt like time stopped.
I couldn't move.
And then it hit me.
It was... different.
Nothing. Empty.
No fireworks. No spark.
What flashed through my mind wasn't Jisoo's face, but Joohyun's.
"What the fuck is going on in this goddamn house?" A voice rang out, sharp and clear.
I turned, my heart sinking. Jennie Kim was glaring at us, her feline eyes burning with rage.
But she wasn't alone.
Joohyun stood there, looking at me with an unreadable expression. Her eyes didn't leave one part of me.
My lips.
It was as if something that belonged to her had been taken while she was away.
I swallowed hard.
I wasn't sure if it was the fact that I'd never seen Jennie this angry or because Irene was practically murdering Jisoo with her glare.
I couldn't decide.
Jennie stormed toward us, her footsteps heavy against the floor. Jisoo, on the other hand, still had that playful grin on her face, while I was frozen in sheer panic.
Out of everyone, Jisoo had the audacity to smile at Jennie and even smirk at Joohyun.
"What the fuck, Jisoo?!" Jennie shouted, her voice sharp. "What kind of bullshit is going on here? Lisa?!"
"I-I-it's not what you think," I stammered, trying to explain, but it wasn't working.
"Oh, it's not what I think? You and Jisoo unnie kissing isn't what I think? Well, cut the crap! I saw it with my own eyes!" Jennie hissed, her finger jabbing in my direction.
"Why are you so mad, Jendeuk?"
Oh god, Jisoo.
"Well, seeing two people in my group kissing makes me mad! We're not in front of cameras for fan service!" Jisoo shot back, unbothered.
Just then, it felt like time was messing with us as Chaeyoung walked in. She had this innocent smile when she saw Joohyun, but then her eyes shifted to us, questioning.
Jennie finally noticed she had an audience and turned to Joohyun. She led her out of the room while Chaeyoung kissed me on the cheek and hugged Jisoo.
"I'm sorry, unnie, but this is probably not the right time for us to watch this. I need to clear things up with my group," Jennie said, her voice low but with an edge. Chaeyoung, confused, asked what Jennie meant.
Joohyun didn't say a word as Jennie led her out.
"Why are you so tense, Lisa?" Chaeyoung asked, her smile as innocent as ever. Her sweetness made me want to cry.
I just wanted my best friend to understand.
"W-We... Jisoo and I..."
Before I could finish, Jennie returned, her eyes locked on us.
"Since we're all here, I'm sure you guys would like to clear up the bullshit that happened," Jennie said, her words harsh and biting.
Chaeyoung furrowed her brows, sensing the tension in Jennie's tone. She only talks like that when she's really pissed.
"We kissed. There's nothing wrong with that!" Jisoo spoke up, defending us.
"Nothing wrong?! Are you fucking serious right now?!" Jennie snapped. "For once, Jisoo, can you just act normal?"
"Hold up, Jennie! What's your problem?"
"You guys are my problem!" She pointed to Jisoo, then to me, like we'd committed an unforgivable crime.
The weight of her accusation hit me. It was as if she hated me for it, disgusted by the fact that I'd done something she couldn't understand.
"We're girls! We're sisters! How can you do that?!" Jennie's voice shook with anger.
"What you saw was nothing to worry about. It was just a one-time kiss. I needed to help Lisa realize something," Jisoo explained calmly.
But then, everything seemed to slow down when Jennie's gaze locked onto me after Jisoo's words.
"Lisa..." Jennie's voice was almost a whisper. "Do you... perhaps... like girls?"
That question hit me like a freight train, freezing me in place. My world felt like it had stopped turning.
Chaeyoung's composed gaze on me felt like time had slowed, and my throat tightened with each passing second.
I wanted to say no, but my mouth refused to move.
My breathing became erratic, especially as Jennie stormed toward me, only for Jisoo to step in and stop her.
"What the fuck, Manoban?!"
"For once, my god, Jennie! Will you let her speak?!" Chaeyoung snapped, inserting herself between them.
I felt on the verge of tears.
"Answer me!" Jennie shouted, her anger relentless.
I nodded frantically, unable to form words. Never in my time with the group had I seen Jennie so furious, or faced with a scandal like this.
Jisoo wore a comforting expression, and if she wasn't holding Jennie back, I knew she would've hugged me. Chaeyoung seemed momentarily distracted, her blank stare unsettling.
I reached out for my best friend's hand, desperate to explain, to tell her what it meant, to make sure she didn't hate me.
"Jesus Christ!" Jennie hissed again, and my tears flowed uncontrollably as Chaeyoung turned away.
No, please.
"This is disgusting," Jennie muttered, and the words struck me like a blow, something inside me dying with them.
"I'm sorry." I couldn't look up at Jennie, my gaze fixed on the ground as her eyes burned into me, different than before.
"This is humiliating to the group..." she continued, her voice full of hurt.
"I swear, Jennie Kim, if you don't say something nice, you better shut up," Chaeyoung interjected firmly, her tone cutting through the tension.
I sobbed as Chaeyoung gently took my hand, bringing it together with hers in a tight clasp.
"Oh, so you're siding with Lisa? Should I be surprised?" Jennie shot back, her voice dripping with venom.
"If Lisa wants to date girls, there's no problem with that. If Jisoo unnie and Lisa are dating, there's no problem either. Why are you so mad when we could've just talked about this calmly?"
"The group, Chaeng! The group! How can you be so stupid to think this is okay?!" Jennie's voice cracked, desperate for understanding.
"You're dating Kai, and none of us said a thing about it. Not Lisa, not Jisoo, not me!" Chaeyoung's thick Aussie accent rang out, sharp with frustration. "What about the group, huh? How can you think it's okay to date freely, but this is a problem?"
"This is not about me!" Jennie's voice faltered, and I could see her holding back tears now too.
"And Lisa liking girls is not about you, either!" Chaeyoung shot back.
"Urghhh!!..." Jennie screamed, and I felt my knees start to shake. This was the first time we'd had such a serious confrontation.
"This is stupid! You are stupid! Everyone in this group is stupid!"
"Enough!" Jisoo finally cut in, her voice sharp and commanding.
"Well, this 'stupid' person right here is supporting her best friend's happiness. Why can't you do the same?" Chaeyoung said, her voice unwavering.
"I said enough!" The authority in Jisoo's tone rang through the room. "Do you not respect the eldest here?!"
Jennie fell silent, and the room seemed to quiet, Chaeyoung following suit.
This is all my fault. Jennie and Chaeyoung are fighting, Jisoo is getting dragged into this mess with me. The entire group is falling apart because of me.
Jisoo keeps talking, but I can't focus anymore. I just want to disappear, even if only for tonight. I need to run away, clear my head.
Before I realize it, I'm standing by the front door, Chaeyoung holding my hand, trying to stop me.
"I... I need to be alone..."
Her grip tightens, pleading. "Please. I'll come back. Don't worry."
Chaeyoung doesn't say anything as Jisoo steps forward to hold her hand, letting me go. Jennie is still standing there, tears streaking down her face, eyes fixed on me.
"Give her time..." Jisoo whispers to Chaeyoung.
When Chaeyoung finally lets go, I don't look back. I just run, desperate to get away.
***
"Lisa..." A voice calls, stopping me in my tracks.
Seeing her there, standing outside the dorm, makes my heart ache. She stayed.
I want to run to her, to hold her, because she's the only one who can make everything feel right again.
She cups my face gently, her thumb brushing the tears that won't stop falling.
Her touch makes everything else fade away.
All that fills my mind is Joohyun, pulling me close, pulling me away from everything else.
And even though it's not the right moment, a part of me is happy.