IRENE
The loud laughter of my members echoed through my four-walled, locked room. Maybe Yerim had pranked Joy again, or Wendy was chasing after Seulgi's cats while Seulgi desperately tried to save them. They were loud—too loud. At times, there were even loud bangs against my door, followed by giggles and playful chants. We had no schedules today, which explained the chaos in the dorm. I could only smile.
This was what I dealt with daily when we were all together. Sometimes, I snapped at them when the noise got too much, like today. But I let it go. I couldn't bring myself to hush them—not when I had woken up in the arms of the person I loved most. Maybe there was a scientific explanation for this kind of happiness, or maybe it was just that simple—I was just happy.
Then, suddenly, everything went silent.
Too silent.
An unsettling quiet filled the space, and I frowned, stepping toward the door to see what was going on. The moment I peeked out, I saw them—Joy pressed against the window, Yerim peeking through another glass panel, Seulgi watching intently, and Wendy trying to get a better view.
"What is it?" I asked, my brows furrowing.
It wouldn't be surprising if it was fans again—some had figured out our dorm location before, camping outside with cameras, desperate for any glimpse of us. We had already moved once because of a leaked address.
But Joy shook her head.
"Blackpink. They're... talking. Or... arguing?" she said uncertainly.
I stepped closer, confused as to why Blackpink would be here. And then, my eyes found her.
Lisa.
She was standing there. Crying.
An abrupt wave of emotions crashed over me. My body moved on instinct—I needed to go out there, to ask what was happening, to demand who the hell made Lisa cry. But before I could, Seulgi grabbed my wrist, stopping me in my tracks. Concern was etched in her expression.
"Don't." Her voice was firm, knowing. "Leave it to us. Go back inside."
I hesitated, my heart pounding.
"Are they here because of us?" Joy whispered nervously, her eyes darting toward the door. "Why does Jennie look so... intense? They're heading this way."
"Why am I getting nervous?" Wendy muttered to herself.
"I don't like this..." Yerim's eyes flicked to the door just as a sharp knock sounded against it.
Seulgi exhaled. "I'll get it."
But I didn't move. Hiding wouldn't fix this. I knew this moment would come eventually. I just didn't expect it to be today.
"Hiiiii... Jennie," Seulgi greeted with an enthusiastic smile.
Jennie was the first to step forward, followed by Lisa, who was trying to hold onto Jennie's arm. But Jennie quickly swatted it away. Jisoo and Chaeyoung offered shy smiles, and my members exchanged confused glances at the strange dynamic between the four of them.
"Where's Irene?" I heard Jennie ask.
"Hands off, Lisa!" Jennie snapped, shaking off Lisa's attempt to grab her arm.
"She... she... uh..." Lisa stumbled over her words, her voice faltering.
Before Lisa could finish, I cut in, stepping into the room. "Jennie..."
Lisa's voice trembled as she apologized, "I'm sorry, Hyun..."
Their eyes flicked from Lisa to Jennie and then to me, exchanging glances.
"Let's talk." Jennie swatted Lisa's hands away once again, causing Lisa to reach out helplessly. Jennie's tone was cold, her sharp gaze fixed on me. She already knew what was about to unfold.
"You know what it's about."
I took a deep breath, responding calmly, "Okay..."
"Only the two of us." Jennie added, her voice firm.
I stole one last glance at Lisa, wanting to reassure her. I wanted to kiss the worry off her face, to let her know I was fine and that I had everything under control. I gave a soft "Okay," barely above a whisper.
It seemed like this would be a normal conversation—one where Jennie would likely vent her frustrations.
"In my room then..." I gestured.
"Hyun, l-let me explain..." Lisa's voice shook with anxiety. She was clearly worried about what would happen if Jennie and I were left alone to talk. "Jennie, please..."
"It's okay, baby. Don't worry. We'll just talk." I offered her an assuring smile.
The room went silent at my words. Even Lisa froze, surprised by my tone and the endearment that had slipped out so naturally. The Red Velvet members were wide-eyed, while the BlackPink girls exchanged shocked glances. Lisa blushed deeply. I couldn't help but enjoy how I could make her blush like that—it made me forget for a moment that this was a serious situation.
"Let's go, Jen?" I licked my lips, my voice still calm.
Jennie nodded, taking small steps toward me. The others remained frozen in place, their eyes following us as we moved, the tension hanging thick in the air.
The moment I closed the door, Jennie's tears started to fall. She was crying quietly, and it squeezed my heart in ways I couldn't explain. She tried to hold back the sobs, but I could feel her pain. Without thinking, I pulled her into a hug—an embrace that silently promised I was here to listen. Whatever hurtful words she needed to say, I'd accept them. I knew the pain of a heartbroken person too well.
"I— I just remembered talking to you... about her. About how I felt when Lisa liked women... and in the end, it was you." Her voice cracked as she sobbed into my shoulder. "It's just you..."
Tears welled up in my own eyes. I never meant to hurt Jennie, neither did Lisa. This was never our intention.
"I thought you were my friend," she pulled away, wiping her tears with trembling hands.
"I am, Jennie. Please—"
She shook her head, unwilling to listen. "No! You played with me. You fooled me! Was it fun for you to watch me suffer? Was it—"
I interrupted her softly, though my voice trembled. "I didn't play with or fool anyone. It's just... it's late for me to realize how you felt about her." I paused, gathering my thoughts. "You had Kai at first."
"I only used Kai, Irene..." She cut me off, her voice tinged with regret. For a moment, I wasn't sure if I was ready to hear this.
"You think I'd say yes to him so quickly?" Jennie's voice cracked. "I barely knew him. I just convinced myself I was happy with Kai. That I enjoyed our relationship... because, honestly, I was just scared and confused."
The tears I had been holding back finally spilled. Seeing her so vulnerable, hearing the weight of her words—it broke me.
"I have deep feelings for Lisa," she continued, her voice thick with emotion. "It confused me. I was terrified of loving her, of loving a woman. I couldn't take the risk. I couldn't risk BlackPink for this." She placed a hand on her chest, and I could hear her heart shattering with every word. "I was thinking about the group. That's why Kai happened..."
I sobbed with her, my heart aching for everything she had gone through.
"I tried to bury my feelings for her with him... because I was scared of where it might lead. And this is what I get for sacrificing everything?"
"I'm so sorry," I whispered, reaching out, but Jennie stepped back.
"Only to see her fall in love with someone else?" Her cry was louder now, each word tearing at my soul. I felt her pain deeply, questioning whether Lisa and I were being selfish. "I tried to hurt Lisa the night she came out... because that's what I felt when I realized my feelings. I said things I didn't mean, hoping she'd see the truth. That she should give up, stop fighting for something that seemed wrong... even though I knew deep down it wasn't."
"But she loves you," I managed to say, my voice steady enough to make her look at me.
"I know." Jennie gave a weak smile. "I saw it, felt it, for so long. She's been showing it. I just pretended not to see it... because I'm such a damn idiot, too scared to admit it." She wiped her tears harshly. "And now, those eyes that used to look at me that way... they're looking at you."
Jennie's gaze was filled with betrayal, as if I had taken something precious from her.
"Those eyes scream love and a willingness to fight... and I lost without even trying." Her lips trembled, her body wracked with sobs.
"Y-you love Lisa?"
When Jennie couldn't meet my gaze, I already knew the answer.
Seconds later, she burst into tears. The sight of her crying tore at my heart, making it ache more than I could bear.
"I-I thought after everything I did, things would change. But in the end, it feels like I made the wrong choice. I thought maybe it would be easier if it were a man. I'd try to understand, accept it... even if it was still hard. But if it's a woman... I don't know how I'd react."
"What do you mean, Jennie?"
"I've done so much to protect what we have now. I don't want to regret it in the end."
Now, I understood what she had meant that day. Jennie would have preferred Lisa to be in a relationship with a man because that was something she could accept for herself—for them. She had tried to suppress the feelings she had for Lisa, to deny them. But in the end, it felt like she had sacrificed herself with her own decisions.
"I want to be angry, honestly. I want to scream, yell at you, accuse you of everything. But I can't." Jennie's eyes were locked on mine. "Because loving her isn't a crime. Loving Lisa isn't a sin."
"I'm sorry..."
"Don't apologize, Irene!"
"I'm sorry for hurting you."
"It's not your fault that I feel this way. I had my chances."
"Lisa still loves you," I said, trying to offer some comfort. Jennie gave me a sad smile.
"But not the way she loves you."
It's a strange feeling when someone else says it, and I did my best to hold my composure as Jennie continued.
"Aren't you scared, Irene?"
"What do you mean, Jennie?"
"Lisa has Thailand behind her. Her country is ready to accept her, arms wide open... What about us? What about you? The toxic knetz. A country with so many close-minded people, so many homophobic, judgmental citizens just waiting for an idol to fall... Has that crossed your mind?"
Jennie snapped me back to reality. Her words hit me hard, reminding me of the risks I was taking. I knew about these challenges, but when I was with Lisa, I forgot about everything else. Jennie's words were truth—cold and unrelenting.
Was this all she had been thinking when her feelings for Lisa developed? Was that why she preferred to deny it, to kill those feelings rather than fight for them?
I couldn't find the words to answer. My mind felt blank. "I'll stand by Joohyun. I won't leave her to face this alone."
Lisa was standing at the door, gripping the knob tightly. She slowly stepped inside, keeping her distance from the three of us. Her voice was hoarse as she spoke, her attempt at a smile making my heart ache.
"Sorry for intruding. I just... I was worried because it took so long."
Jennie chuckled softly, just as I did. Lisa tried to ease the tension, but it still hung thick in the air. She reached for my hand, squeezing it tightly. Jennie glanced at our joined hands, and for a moment, I almost let go—if only to spare Jennie from seeing it. But Lisa held on firmly.
"Jennie, are you going to tell the CEO about us?"
I looked at Lisa, confused by her question, though she sounded like it was no big deal.
"I was just scaring you earlier, Lili. I won't tell." Jennie's words made me exhale in relief.
"Thank you, Jennie."
"Goodness... This hurts more than I expected. E-excuse me." Jennie walked out quickly before I could stop her, leaving Lisa and me standing in the room.
Lisa moved to follow, but I stopped her. Jennie clearly needed space.
"What's going on with her?" Lisa asked.
"She loves you..." I said quietly, looking at Lisa. She gave me a look, almost as if saying, we've already talked about this.
"She really does, Lisa."
Lisa blinked, confusion evident on her face. I stood on my tiptoes, leaning in to meet her lips. But I didn't like the expression she was giving me. I had to remind her that I was still here.
"Baby, trust me..." Lisa whispered between the kisses, sensing my hesitation.
"Mmmm..."
Suddenly, a loud thud from the kitchen interrupted us.
Yerim had dropped her spatula, clearly having witnessed the intimate moment between Lisa and me.
"B-b-b-brunch... L-let's e---eat? Ch-chaeyoung and W-wendy cooked f-for all."
We both said sorry in unison, but I knew it didn't change the awkwardness.
Yerim walked out like a robot, her movements stiff as she left the room. Lisa and I waited, giving it a few minutes to calm down before we could face them.
***
We walked out hand in hand, feeling all eyes on us. It seemed like no one even realized what they were doing, so transfixed were they on us. Chaeyoung was pouring juice into Joy's glass, not noticing it was already overflowing. Yerim was using the same spatula that had fallen in my room earlier, while Wendy stirred soup with a chopstick. Joy, on the other hand, was chewing on a wrapped chocolate—mine, no doubt, which she probably stole again. I couldn't spot Jennie, Jisoo, or Seulgi anywhere in the house.
"Chaeyoung, the juice!" Lisa muttered, snapping everyone out of their trance.
"Oh, gosh."
"Where are Seulgi, Jennie, and Jisoo?" I asked, trying to ignore the awkwardness in the air.
"J-Jisoo and Seulgi followed Jennie out. They'll be back soon," Wendy murmured, clearly still uneasy.
I faked a cough before we took our seats. There were two chairs set up for us, and the others were still staring, almost unable to believe what they were seeing. Despite the silence, no one looked uncomfortable—just a few small smiles as they noticed our joined hands.
"Lisa and I are together..." It took all my courage to finally say it. There was no point in hiding it from our members. "Is anyone bothered by this?"
"I knew it!" Joy's loud exclamation startled me. She pointed at the chocolate in her hand. "There's a ton of Thai snacks in unnie's room! They're from you, Lisa, right? That's all from you... oh my god, it's a lot."
Yerim nodded in agreement, and Wendy and Rosie exchanged smiles. Any doubts or worries I had vanished in that moment.
"Is this okay with you guys?" Lisa glanced around, especially at my members, clearly anxious. I understood her concern.
"Of course. We've just been waiting for Irene to say it. Not that we expected it to be you, but we knew she was dating, and we were just waiting for her to introduce you to us." Wendy offered a reassuring smile to Lisa.
"Irene unnie dating a star..." Joy mused, eyeing Lisa with a fangirl look. She couldn't hide her excitement. I smiled at her reaction.
"She's my star," Lisa replied, lifting our joined hands proudly.
It was impossible not to blush at that. My members, including Chaeyoung, seemed to zone out again.
"You two are so cute. Oh my gosh, am I seeing this? Unnie is actually blushing?"
"Yah! Kim Yerim!"
During brunch, my members were more giddy and excited, enjoying themselves as they threw questions our way. Lisa and I only gave brief answers, avoiding too much detail.
"So, did it start in LA? I distinctly remember Lisa running like Lightning McQueen when she found out you were with Jennie. She didn't even wait for me!" Rosie pouted at Lisa.
"We were seeing each other before our world tour even began," Lisa answered.
"Wow! You two are so good at hiding it! Who would've guessed?" Wendy said, clearly amused.
Yeah, seeing each other at 4 a.m. – we were really good at keeping it quiet.
"Damn. I still can't believe this," Yeri muttered, shaking her head.
"Yerim, watch your mouth," I reminded her. Lately, she's been cursing non-stop.
"We're not living in the 1900s, no need to be shocked by this kind of news," Yerim smirked. "I mean, I believe what I'm seeing. I believe this... I believe love can do such awwwwww!"
"YAH, Yerim!" Joy immediately scratched the spot where Yerim had playfully hit her.
And there they go again.
***
Jennie and Jisoo didn't come back. As much as I wanted to stay in Lisa's arms, they had to leave. Seulgi explained that Jennie wanted some time alone for now, while Jisoo stayed by her side. They decided Seulgi should come to us and assure us not to worry.
Whenever I'm with Lisa, I still feel like I'm not supposed to. Not supposed to smile, not supposed to be happy, because there's one person we're hurting when we do.
"Promise me you'll talk to her," I said, catching a moment alone with Lisa before Rosie waited outside.
"I will," Lisa replied with a tender smile. She still didn't fully understand. "And I thank your members for understanding us." She gently traced her fingertip along my cheek.
"Lisa?"
"Hmm?"
"If the one you love can finally give back the love you've longed for, would you give her a chance?"
Lisa paused, clearly confused. "What do you mean?"
"Will you give her a chance?" I asked, hoping she understood.
Lisa cupped my face with both hands, making me meet her gaze. Her brown eyes locked with mine, holding me in place. "You're the only one I love most. Your love is all I seek. And no, I'm not still seeking it, because you make me feel it every day. As for a chance? There's no need to ask for one."
I almost felt my eyes well up again.
"Hyun, do you trust me?"
"Of course, Lisa." She smiled at that, placing one last kiss on the side of my head. Did I really just doubt Lisa's love for me?
***
Dispatch Styles of the Month:
.lisaswhore: Is it just me or does Dispatch have a thing for Lisa these days?
.pinkue: They really can't stop posting about Lisa on every platform.
.chaelisssah: If they're up to something, I'm declaring war.
.kumakuma: Bangless Lisa needs to breathe, seriously!
.jenkaithedog: This is actually starting to worry me.
.godsé: Dispatch, how about making yourself useful and leaking Rosé's solo instead?
.ot4ever: Leave our girls alone, seriously.
.lalislay: Everyone, calm down. It's just about what Lisa wore.
.jenniegummy: They always post a ton about Jennie before January 1st. Guess she's next.
.jenlisugh: January 1st was painful.
.lisooperior: Lisa, please step on me.
.joohyuned: Okay, this is the 1037692929388392nd article about my queen.
.sluggybaby: Dispatch is the new Irene fansite. We've known all along!
.reveluvies: Dispatch is totally an Irene stan. BUT OMG, I'M SHAKING. THIS IS STILL DISPATCH.
.wendysolo: I'm trying not to read too much into this. Baby, please be careful.
.sootan: Awwww, sexy unnie.
.irenesbangs: Loving her style lately.
.seulrenity: Dispatch, we don't need you here.
.wenrenassemble: They post every time Irene breathes. Should we be worried?
.wenxseul: I still don't trust these guys. Leave mommy alone.
.yerimisie: How do I get bangs like Irene? Asking for a friend.