A/N: turning it up a notch.
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I had my body sprawled over the comforter thinking what the heck have I just done out there. Why did I flipping let that happen between Gerald and I! It just happened so fast that I was so caught up with everything… his eyes… his lips… the kiss.
I was not able to think clearly, or even do the right thing to do. And I freaking hate myself for putting myself into that position! It honestly made me look easy. A slut. A whore. A bitch. A thrash.
But why the heck did it felt so right? Why the heck did it felt so right then! Every time I feel his lips on mine, I always get lost but feel secured; vulnerable but supported; weak but reassured.
The image of him leaning in flashed on my mind... his eyes glistening as he closes the gap between us, gently placing those soft luscious lips perfectly on my…crap! Just thinking of it was giving me the tingles again.
“Why?”, I whispered to myself this word over and over again until I got the right answer. But even how hard I tried, I could not find the answer. It is just a one-word question but why am I finding it difficult to answer.
Thinking back to the kiss now, there was a spark; definitely there was undeniably something going on there between us. But why is it that a side of me is thinking that right now I need not to further the kiss from there. What if I fall hard for him? What if I fall in love with him? Sure I am thinking a little bit early but eventually it might happen. Yes, I had a little crush on him back then but that was when I was a just girl. Everyone fancied him. But this time round it would be totally different. Having my first heartache because of him leaving me out in the open just like that without an explanation… I just could not. I was hurt. Extremely. He was my best friend for Pete’s sake! So why did he not even care for a single time of what I have felt for him leaving me like that?
And what if that happened again this time round? What if I fell very, very hard for him and fell madly in love with him… and he decides to walk away again from me? What if he leaves me hanging if I got to the point that I was ready to tell him that I really love him?
All of these things are questions that I kept repeating to myself the moment he stepped in back into my life like nothing happened. And I was darned scared of him doing the most horrible thing he has done to me again. I could not let myself under that. I could not put myself into that place again. Because this time round, if I did fell hard for him, and he would do what he did back then… then it would be the death of me.
Sure I wanted him to be here right beside me. I wanted to feel those lingering touches he leaves on me. I wanted those unexplainable feelings I get every time he looks at me. I wanted to get lost with his soothing warm breaths. I wanted those soft red lips placed on mine like they fit onto mine perfectly. But why am I so torn right now to choose that? I need not to explore more of this, but somehow deep inside I wanted to. I really wanted to.
“You totally enjoyed that”, Rach burst in as she came barging into the tent uninvited.
“Get out of here”, I sneered back at her. I was actually taken out by surprise by her barging in like that. Good thing I managed to bury my face in time on the pillow for Rach not to see the tears starting to prickle in my eyes. “So much of a best friend!”, I spitted through the pillow.
“Oh come on Sarz…”, she sighed dramatically. “…because from what I remember I only sai-”.
“Get out!”, I screamed, throwing over the pillow at her that I had my face on. I kept my face still hidden from her sight staring at the tent’s wall.
I felt Rach kneel down at my side chuckling as she ruffled my ebony hair. “Awww someone’s angry. But at least you liked th-”
“OUT!”, shoving her out of my tent but only manage to make her stumble back off her feet. She laid on the floor, with top-half of her body outside the tent, clutching her stomach laughing. I am pretty sure she was laughing not because of my face (I was sure she has not seen my face) but probably because of how I am acting like a child throwing a tantrum right now.
And to answer Rach’s question before I cut her off… okay I liked it! I liked that darn kiss! But it was just a kiss that happened in a flipping dare. I bet Gerald did not even care about that. It just did not mean anything at all! But why the heck am I thinking too much about the kiss? Why?
“Rach”, I sighed, really not wanting to remember those nine pairs of eyes looking on me as I walked out of the table. “Please… I don’t really want to talk about it”, I pleaded.
I heaved myself up, grabbing my pillow back that was at my feet to quickly bury my face on it again.
I so hated this feeling. Torn. Caught. Dilemma. If I explored more of this, yes I would be happy and all but what if he did not want to? What if he did want to but meant no feelings at all like friends with benefits sort of thing? What if I am just going to end up like one of his girls? What if we got to the point that I would like to take things further but then he was not ready to do so? What if he leaves me again like he used to? A lot of questions but no sure answer. What do I have to do?
A manic laugh erupted in the tent and I was in no mood to hear Rach’s teasing again. I had my face buried in the pillow but to my annoyance I clutched the corner of the pillow and swung it at her with so much force.
“GET OUT!”, I screamed but only to be greeted by a different shocked face as the pillow left the person’s face.
“What the hell!”, Gerald yelled rubbing his face roughly. “What did you that for?”
I looked at him raking in every detail of his face, finding any traces of awkwardness from what happened a while ago but I could not find any. He sure does look okay with the kiss. I guess it was just nothing to him then.
I was still searching for any traces on his face but only to find one thing: he sure does look handsome. And that, is an understatement. Such a face can break millions of heart, I thought, yet every time he was close to me, I feel safe and protected. Yet it was scary. The moment you totally depended on him and he was gone, you just feel helpless; like a part of you has been separated from you. And that’s what scares me the most.
I was so caught up staring at his face that I was not able to make a comeback to his question. “What do you think you’re doing?”, I blurted stumbling on few of my words. I grabbed the pillow off him and quickly laid my head on it.
I felt him move closer to me. Smirking, he looked down at me hovering his face a bit closer than what I really expected. “What do you mean what I am doing?”
Oblivious of what position we were in, I pushed Gerald out of my face making him droop beside me. He let out a small chuckle as I flipped to my sides not wanting to see those eyes that make my knees buckle. “Like here. In the tent”, I said putting my hand on my cheek casually to try and cover the small blushes that I could feel were threatening to show up.
“Oh that”, he chuckled lowly and his sweet sound reverberated in the tent, shaking my inner core. Darn. Why does he have this effect on me? “This is actually my tent. So it should be me asking you that question.”
“You mea-”, I said elbowing myself up but as I snapped my head to face him, his bare chest greeted me. I closed my eyes in reflex, not having the chance to cherish those pecs. Shoot. I sound like an obsessive fan.
“You don’t like?”, he teased with huskiness lacing in his voice. I could feel his warmth in my skin and it was making me quite hot.
Panic suddenly risen in me. I pushed his chest away with my eyes still closed but instead managed to punch the air making me lose my footing, ending up smacking my face right up onto something hard.
“If you put it like that”, Gerald chuckled lowly. I could feel the rise and fall of his chest, and the vibrations from his chuckles… wait, hang on…
I opened my eyes to see his chest literally in a drooling distance from my face. I gasped probably because of where my face was caught up in but a part of me was saying it was because of the beautiful sight right in front of me. Darn.
“Sarah I am sor- what the hell do you think you two are doing!”, Rach shrieked behind me. Does she know anything about knocking? Or stating her presence?
I snapped my head over Rach, pushing myself up from a half-naked Gerald who was lying on the comforter. Oh my word. My eyes grew wider of the sight. It was not like that! “Rach I can explain. It wasn’t like that. Look I was-”
“Let’s just talk about it tomorrow…”, Rach said with a smirk on her face, “…sorry for ruining whatever you were doing”.
“Yeah we were getting to the undressing part”, waving his hands off at Rach as she giggled stepping off the tent.
“Why did you say that to her?”, turning my attention to Gerald now with a glare. “She will just think something happened”.
“Sorry for throwing myself into you”, he said rolling his eyes. “Nothing anyway happened”
“Yes but-”
“I ain’t going to do it”, he cut off nonchalantly.
“Oh”, I said sounding almost disappointed. Was I disappointed that he does not look at me like the usual girls he has himself with? Was I disappointed that he does not have the eye at me?
I pulled my blanket off the comforter, shoving it into my duffel bag. I had my back on Gerald and I sifted quickly through my bag then zipped it close.
“What are you doing?”, Gerald asked as I grabbed my pillow off the comforter.
“I am not gonna sleep here with you”, I told him as I hooked the duffel bag in my right arm.
“Why?”, he asked me with it seemed sadness filling his tone.
“Errmmm I am a woman and you…”, I looked down on him and smirked, “you’re just a boy”.
He stayed silent after that and it served him right. I crawled out of the comforter dragging my pillow and duffel bag behind. I was about to get to the tent’s opening but Gerald yanked my arm, pulling me closer into him.
“I can show you how man I am”
I froze the second those words rolled out of his tongue. My heart turned up a notch, beating really, really fast. My stomach twisted in and out of the knots, and my breathing coming out a little bit jagged.
“Hey…”, he cooed softly sending shivers right into my spine. “…come here”. Scratch that… he was sending shivers all over me, from my head down to my toes!
I nodded upon hearing him as his hand found the bare skin that was exposed from my shirt ridding up. His large hand ignited sparks in me that were just unexplainable, and I found myself wanting more.
As if I was on a trance, I turned my face over him without any hesitation or fight at all. I looked at his face, looking intently at his gorgeous features: those little minute details of freckles on his nose and that cute mole next to it - things you’d miss out if you did not look much closer. Looking down at his face, I let my eyes run on those stubbles that sits nicely up his lips and when he smiles, that sweet dimple that I used to pinch back then because of just how cute it was…
I sensed his face dropping, with his smirk turning into a pout. I zoomed out my focus from his lips that were honestly quite irresistible to devour to see his eyebrows scrunched up with his eyes looking at me intently.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”, backing out his face slightly at me with a confused look.
“Wh-what?”, I stuttered, figuring out exactly what he meant with that.
“That look”, Gerald said pointing at my face. “Wait…”, he told me his face lighting up with a grin, “… are you thinking that I was going to kiss you?”
“NO!”, I screamed at him pulling away from his hold quickly. But inside I was screaming. Yes! Yes! Yes! I want your darn lips on mine! Even if it will be the death of me!
I looked away from him hiding these freaking blushes. Why do I blush easily, I asked myself staring up above.
Gerald chuckled and leaned his head on my shoulder to whisper in a sweet voice into my ears, “Sarah, if you wanted to… you know you could just ask.”
I flinched slightly as his warm breath touched the nook of my neck. I had my head held up exposing more skin to his breath, which just rattled the butterflies more in my stomach.
I closed my eyes wanting the kiss to happen. Why am acting up like this? Am I needing his physical attention? Am I wanting more of him?
I was expecting him to brush his lips and put little kisses along the nape of my neck but I was left hanging. I opened my eyes slowly not wanting to meet reality, but only to see Gerald on my side sifting through my bag. DARN YOU GERALD ANDERSON FOR LEAVING ME HANGING!
“You are going to sleep here, okay?”, he said as he zipped up my duffel bag. I looked at him confused. So he wants to sleep now? What about that darn kiss? Crap, I was turning into a slutty girl now.
“I’ll put my extra pillow in between us so that I won’t throw myself into you”, he said laughing at the last few words that came out of his mouth. “See I am a man. I know how to respect woman’s personal space”, he said proudly with a smug look as he handed my blanket.
“Good night”, he said casually throwing my duffel bag slightly to the side. He leaned in to the sides and came out of the sides to put the extra pillow in between us. I looked down scornfully at the pillow that was separating us and wanted to throw it outside. DARN YOU PILLOW!
I sighed and spread out my blanket as I crept myself in onto the comforter. “Good night”, I replied back to him almost saying it out of annoyance and anger. I fluffed the sides of my pillow and placed my head onto it to face the other side of the tent.
“One more thing…”, Gerald said behind me. I scrunched my eyebrows up at his voice, snapping my head to look over him to check what he wanted but only to meet his lips halfway through.
His lips were pressed on mine and I was literally stunned and left speechless of the touching. Gerald’s eyes grew wider and looked surprised of what happened.
He pulled away quickly from the kiss, shocked of what just happened. “Shit. I - Sarah, sorry. I was only going to give you a peck on the cheek as a good night kiss. Honest.”
Gerald looked so cute when he was worried and when he put his hand behind his neck running it up and down through his hair... damn.
I was tempted not to but I could not let the moment pass. I leaned in to brush his lips, giving him a quick peck on the lips.
“Sweet dreams”, I cooed back at him settling my head back to my pillow. I bit my lips, slightly embarrassed of how bold I was of what I have just done, but heck I tried my darn hardest to resist doing it. I just hope it did not come out super flirty or slutty move though.
I could still feel Gerald frozen by my side and a part of me was jumping because of it.
"Guess it was just not me liking these kisses", I thought to myself as I grazed my finger to the burning sensation that Gerald had left to my lips.
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A/N: Done the chapter. Yes :)
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