Trying to live

Chapter 18 (Edited)

Before I could say anything, Betty and Henrietta shook their heads and guided me away.

I looked back to see Grams rubbing Susan's back and speaking to her in a hushed voice. Yes, it was foolish and unfair to be harsh to a literal grandmother... but look at her. I wasn't intentionally mean to Susan.

"I didn't mean it like that. It just...," I began, "...came out of my mouth."

"That's why you should think before you speak," Henrietta said firmly.

Betty cleared her throat after giving Henrietta a sidelong glance. Then she looked at me. "We all know that, honey. It's just that Susan is really upset and sensitive right now. Greg and she have a long history, and seeing him today reopened old wounds," Betty said, patting my shoulder.

"Greg was her first love, and he was everything to her. They say you never feel the same way again with anyone after your first love. Those memories and moments are a part of you, no matter how far you move on. Your first love introduces you to love and heartbreak. Still, no one can touch the part of your heart that belongs to your first love," Henrietta added.

As Henrietta spoke, Henry's image flashed through my mind. The moment she mentioned "first love," my thoughts blanketed with memories of Henry.

"I know," I whispered, almost to myself.

It never mattered that I moved on because the way I felt for Henry, the place he held in my heart and mind, his memories would always remain with me.

"Oh dear, I didn't mean to upset you—" Henrietta started, but I cut her off.

"—No, it's okay. Looks like our car's here," I said quickly.

As Betty, Henrietta, and Grams approached the car, I gathered the courage to approach Susan. I wasn't very close to her. She liked me as a kid, and I liked her too, but I didn't understand why she resented me so much now.

I tapped her shoulder.

She turned around with a frown.

"Can we talk for a second?"

She nodded and followed me to stand a few meters away from the car. The others didn't seem to mind or try to stop us; it was as if they were silently encouraging us to have this conversation.

"So, what is it?" Susan asked.

I mustered all my courage and looked at her. "Uhm, I... well... I'm sorry for what I said earlier."

Susan waved me off. "Ah, it's okay. I was too dramatic, anyway."

Well, that actually went quite smoothly. I smiled at her and turned to walk back to the car.

Before I could take a step, Susan called out, "Wait, I want to say something, and I hope you take it well."

I turned back and nodded.

Suddenly, Susan's demeanor changed. "Don't take your grandma for granted."

"What?"

"You heard me the first time," she said.

I scoffed. "I'm not taking her for granted. I love her and would never hurt her."

I crossed my arms. Who was she to tell me this?

Susan didn't know our relationship. She didn't understand that Grams was the only one who kept me from being broken beyond repair.

Susan sighed, looking around, avoiding eye contact. "Love isn't always strong. If one day, your grandma gives up on you, it won't be out of anger or resentment, nor because she doesn't love you anymore. It will be because of your silence, your secrets, your self-destruction, and her hopelessness to understand you."