Trying to live

"Just give me the keys, and I'll go in and stay in the office or my car," I said, tears brimming in my eyes.

I held out my hand, hoping Dean would hand over the keys. Instead, he just walked away, leaving me alone. In that moment, tears spilled out of my eyes.

How could he leave me?

I felt utterly alone.

Speak of being dramatic.

Through the constant flow of tears, I saw Dean turning on his car, but he didn't get in yet. He went to the passenger side and opened the door.

Then he looked up at me, annoyance clearly written on his face. "Get in."

The dam broke. As I walked towards the car, I sobbed uncontrollably. Even after getting seated, I cried like a baby. Dean had to put my seatbelt on for me. The muscle flexing of his arms was a nice treat for my eyes, though.

We rode in silence.

The only noise was the low hum of the car radio and my sniffling.

I thought I was past the days of crying for no reason. Sometimes, I cried because I was frustrated or just exhausted. Often, I cried for myself, for what had happened in New Haven, and for the life I had now.

I always thought I cried because of all the secrets I hid.

Now, I wasn't sure.

I felt tired inside. I felt that there was a place in me that was empty and wanted to drown in misery. I wanted to tell the truth. I wanted to save my relationships with the people who mattered to me. But when those exact people ignored my silent pleas and moved on so quickly, why would the truth matter? Why would anything I did matter?

Some things were better left unsaid.

Some secrets, even if they burned you alive, should stay buried.

The darkness of the sky and the rustling of the trees had a calming effect on me.

Dean cleared his throat. "Before I drive you home, I have to take care of something."

I nodded, still looking out the window.

I didn't trust myself to not cry again. I regained my composure with effort.

"You okay?" Dean asked a few seconds later.

I took a deep breath as the car halted at a red light and turned my head slightly to see him already looking at me.

"Yeah," I managed to say, fidgeting with my hands.

"Wanna talk about it?"

There wasn't really anything to talk about. Dean knew I had my fair share of secrets and reasons, and so did he. That was why I gave a half-truth. "I'm just tired."

"Don't tell anyone I cried," I added, giving him a sidelong glance.

"I won't," Dean said with a grin, "because you won't tell anyone where we're going now."

"Why? Is it a shady place?"

Dean looked away as the light turned green. "You'll see. But your secret is safe with me as long as you don't tell anyone where I'm heading with you in tow."

I didn't think long. I hated the fact that someone else saw me crying. That emotion was purely meant for me, and the closest person I willingly shared this emotion with found someone else.

"Deal," I promised.

"Deal," Dean echoed.

A few minutes later, Dean stopped the car at some isolated place. I looked out, but all I could make out were trees and some vehicles. I craned my neck, trying to see if I could make out something from the back.