Trying to live

Two weeks flew by after the kiss between Henry and me. 

Two weeks flew by where Henry ignored me, didn't acknowledge me and always canceled our tutoring sessions. He sent me texts with tasks I should do and after doing them, I should email them to him. 

Yeah, he literally was being old fashioned just to not be in my presence.

He also tried to ignore me when we worked together to get the requisites for Mr. Laurent and Rose's play. He always went to to help others like the lighting team to adjust the lights just to not be close to me.

Those two weeks were kind of eye opening and made me realize that I had some poor lapse of judgment. 

Instead of actually hating the guy who broke my heart and literally moved on weeks after the breakup, I seriously kissed him. I enjoyed kissing him. I even dreamt about that kiss. 

I also had some kind of weird thoughts about him like still having some feelings for him and maybe even not being over him.

When I've literally moved on. I know, I moved on. Everyone knew that. 

So, I blamed all of my inner turmoil the last weeks on my lapse of judgment, on my poor sleeping schedules, on my nightmares and emotional turmoil (because let's be honest I was an emotional wreck) and my brain. 

Definitely, my brain. 

It was the biggest traitor to ever live. 

But then my heart was also a traitor. 

So, I was basically in a body with organs that literally loved everyone except me. 

I was that poor human being, who got the wrong kind of organs. 

Organs that weren't mine to control. They controlled me. 

I might have been a subject of organ trafficking in the past live. 

And I also might have been an idiot and a fool. 

I was still both. 

 I was glad that Henry and I didn't talk to each other and most certainly about the kiss. Yes, I liked him kissing me back, the feels of his hands on my body and face. I liked my hands in his hair and on his face.

But I was drunk and although I've been an avid drinker in the past, I got literally drunk and tipsy with the tiniest bit of alcohol in my system. One to two gulps of alcohol and you get me away from reality.

So, maybe I kissed him because I was drunk and not there. Not because I wanted to.

Also his words were literal the death of me. I remembered everything.

They came as a surprise because after all that happened between us, I didn't think he would say that. But he did. 

I could go on and on about the kiss but he was right. Henry had a girlfriend and although I didn't like her because she was unnecessarily a bitch to me, I didn't want to hurt her on purpose. I might have those thoughts but I wasn't that girl.

I was just glad that I was back at being the girl I honed to be. After drilling in my head that I needed to be this girl because I wasn't a good person, I reminded myself why all of my relations went down the drain. I was responsible, although with Henry, it wasn't - 

"So, here's your iced caramel latte macchiato," Priya said to me and handed me my cup. Thank god, she came or I would've gone down the pipe of the kiss with Henry and why it was so good and why I loved it so much, but I shouldn't.