spencer reid x reader one shots

a/n- hello! once again, I set aside 20 minutes to write a BLURB and came out an hour later with three full pages. this is WILDLY self-indulgent. i struggle with adhd and executive dysfunction literally all the time, and idk... if spencer reid hugged me i might be cured? anywho: here's this!

***

You had read the same sentence of your report twenty times and, each time, you understood it as incomprehensible mush. The words blended together and as much as you willed your brain to work for just 5 more minutes so you could check over your report and send it to Hotch, no such luck. Your brain decided to stop working, and that was that. No matter how smart you were, no matter how astute of a profiler you'd become, sometimes you couldn't even write up a fucking report.

Becoming unbearably frustrated at your current executive dysfunction, and noticing that your leg was bouncing violently and probably had been for the last hour, you burst from your desk and took quick strides to the coffee machine. You gripped the counter and took a few deep breaths. Sometimes when you got overwhelmed with trying to work during executive dysfunction, it felt like there was someone sitting on your chest. You had literally forgotten to breathe the entire time you were working, and now it felt as if someone had placed a heavy weight on you and you couldn't shake that feeling, even though you'd stepped away.

With slightly shaky hands you grabbed a mug and poured coffee two-thirds of the way full. Creamer from the fridge filled the cup the rest of the way, and then an absolutely disgusting amount of sugar, and your perfect cup was complete. It was methodical, done just how you liked it each time. You leaned back against the counter and took a big sip, and it was so delicious you closed your eyes and hummed in approval. The warmth of the coffee and the stillness of having your eyes closed in that spot was a comfort, but you still had that feeling in your chest. Nothing was more frustrating than a simple task producing that feeling, and nothing you could do would make it go away.

"Y/N?" you heard from a few feet away. You opened your eyes to see Spencer in front of you with a look of deep worry in his face. You'd been so consumed you hadn't even heard his steps approaching you from the silent bullpen.

"Oh," you said in surprise, "Hey Spence! What's up?" you tried to play it off like everything was fine. He was a profiler, but you could usually fool him. He hadn't picked up on the massive crush you had on him, so maybe he hadn't noticed this.

"I should be asking you," he said as he moved to lean against the counter beside you. "What's wrong, y/n? Don't try to tell me you're fine, because I know you better than that. Talk to me. Please," he said, adding the last bit quietly.

"I mean, I really am fine. This happens all the time, Spencer," you tried, but he just gave you a look that saw right through the bullshit. He looked into your eyes with so much support and understanding, so much care, that you cracked. "I just... fuck I'm just so frustrated. I hate that no matter how smart I am and no matter how hard I work, sometimes my brain just fucking shuts off! One second I'm writing a report, and the next I realize I can't comprehend simple sentences and I haven't taken a breath in minutes-" you stopped short. There was a hand on your arm, soft and reassuring.

"Y/N, you're not breathing right now," he said, with a slight chuckle. You took a slow, deep breath. "Better, right? I'm really sorry, y/n. I'm sure you're aware, but I'll remind you that for someone with ADHD, executive dysfunction is perfectly normal and from what I've seen, you manage yours really well. I understand, trust me, I really do. It's hard, when your brain functions differently than everyone else's."

You and Spencer had discussed your common neurodivergence in the past. It wasn't always easy, but the team was very understanding of the both of you. Neither of you ever really brought it up; what did it matter how your brain was built if you were just as equipped to do the job? In Spencer's case, more equipped than anyone. His mind was something you could explore forever, and you wanted to, but you knew that sometimes he struggled too.

"I'm sorry, Spence. This is fucking embarrassing... I don't want to let anyone down because I can't do my work," you felt tears burning the back of your eyes.

"Hey, you're not letting anyone down! It's just a report, y/n. It's alright that you needed to step away. Sometimes, in the bullpen when everyone is talking and there's so many people and the lights are bright and I'm wearing like seven different layers of clothes, I can't breathe either. Rossi lets me sit in his office, and I go in there and read a book for a few minutes til I feel better; no one judges me for it. I just manage myself and do what I need to do, exactly like you're doing now. There's nothing to be ashamed of, and you're not letting anyone down," he said firmly. You'd never felt so reassured, so comfortable to be open with someone.

"Thank you, Spencer. I- I don't know what to say..." you said softly, and he reached up to brush away a tear you didn't even realize you'd begun to cry.

"Oh, y/n, don't cry. It's alright, I promise it's alright," he soothed. "Can I... c-can I hug you? It might-" he was abruptly cut off when you wrapped your arms tightly around him and buried your face in his chest.

"Thank you," you said shakily.

"Of course. Just breathe with me, y/n," he said softly. You stood there for a couple minutes that felt like hours, following his steady breaths, his hand rubbing soothing strokes up and down your back.

When your breathing was steady and your quiet tears subsided, he gave you a moment and pulled away. Standing closer than you ever had before, his wide hazel eyes stared deeply into yours. What you saw in them was understanding, concern, care, and so much more that you wouldn't allow yourself to name. Staring into his eyes, you realized that the pressure in your chest had disappeared in his embrace, and all you felt was calm. That weight had been lifted, and you felt peace.

*** 

a/n- idk bro, this was written just for shits while i ate some cheezits and tried to motivate to do some research for a final paper. please understand that it's entirely based on my own experiences as someone with adhd, and if your experience is different, that's cool too! 

also, for anyone who reads my book Escapism: I fully plan to continue writing it! there is more chapters in the works, i'm just a busy and mentally ill college student who's about to take finals. 

love u all, thanks for reading!!!