spencer reid x reader one shots

a/n-  Hey! If you're reading my stories, thank you!!! I'm so happy to see people actually reading them! Anyway, this chapter is short and a little angsty and it might be a little self indulgent, but I'm posting it anyway. It's also the first one of these stories that I ever wrote, and I'm only just posting it now. I don't know how I feel about it, but hope someone enjoys! :)

You step out of your apartment and breathe in the crisp air- the first real fall day this year. The sun is shining through the clouds and the wind rustling through the trees as you pop in your airpods and turn up the volume, upbeat indie music filling your head. As you walk to your morning class you reflect on how happy you are that you can finally dress for fall, and as you glance down at your outfit you remember. Your favorite fall sweater, a big green cardigan with buttons up the front, which once belonged to him. You run your fingertips over the hem of the sweater and feel a pang in your chest. Remembering good things about the man who broke your heart always cut so deep. You can't help but picture him wearing his favorite sweater last fall on a date, his brown curls and button nose, and that damn smile. "No y/n- not right now, you have to get to class. You don't need him, you don't even miss him, you're fine, just fine", you tell yourself as you immediately put the thought out of your head.

~~~

Stepping out of the cafe where you'd picked up lunch after class the fall breeze blows your hair into your face. You stroll down the street finding a picnic table to eat at, alone- you were alone a lot these days. Placing your bag on the ground and your lunch on the table, you shivered from the cold, buttoning your green sweater. As you fumble with the buttons you reflect on the irony of the whole scene- gleaning just a little more warmth from the ghost of a man who couldn't love you anymore. You run your hand over the sleeve of the cardigan and for the millionth time it all came rushing back. You had felt like Spencer loved you more than anyone had before, a deep and passionate love, and you'd never imagined he'd be the one to end things. His work kept him away so often, and you being needy didn't mix well with his absence. You resented him for being gone so much, feeling so alone even when he was there with you, and he didn't understand what he'd done to upset you. Because the truth was you couldn't tell him. You loved him so much you couldn't bring yourself to explain why you were upset with him. Things fell apart as quickly as they'd come together, and you were left in shambles. Now he worked and you studied, making sure to avoid the classes he sometimes taught.

You hadn't even realized you still had his favorite sweater until you were packing for your last year of grad school, and as you dug it out of the back of your closet you put it into your suitcase with a twinge of guilt. You should return it, you had thought, but that would mean texting him and if you could do anything it was hold a grudge. You hadn't spoken to him since that day in May when he walked away from you without looking back, and you weren't planning on it now.

So you were left alone with your thoughts, your regrets, your fleeting bits of love for him, your resentment, and his favorite sweater. As you sat alone at lunch, these thoughts flooding your mind, you were overwhelmed with a terrible feeling- an ache so deep that you thought you'd burst into tears if you didn't do something right now.

You pulled out your phone and with little hesitation went to do what you'd wanted to do a million times before. As you opened up your and Spencer's text conversation you paused there, and it read:

y/n: 

i'm so sorry spencer. please, is there anything I can do to fix this?

read 9:45pm

Tears welled in your eyes. You fucking hated being ignored, but you felt like you almost deserved it that time. You hovered your fingers over the screen and began to type slowly:

Hi Spencer. I hope you've been well. I realized I still have your green sweater, and I thought you might want it back, I remember it was your favorite. If you'd like I'd be happy to drop it off at your place or whatever is best for you. I really do hope you've been well these last few months. Just let me know about the sweater.

Tears were now streaming down your face as you hit send. Did you miss him? Would he reply "i've been thinking about you a lot. come by with the sweater and let's have a drink" or something more like "oh hi, i didn't even realize it was gone, keep it. goodbye". What if he ignored you completely? That would hurt the most, you thought. No one was around where you were sitting, so you didn't even try to choke back your tears, your head in your hands as you mourned once again for the love you two had once shared. 

"What is wrong with you? Were you really that hard to love?" you thought. Jesus you were really feeling sorry for yourself now. You wiped away the tears as they came and tried to steady your breathing, hoping to pull yourself together and move on with your day. You stood up from the bench, gingerly straightening out the sweater and swinging your bag over your shoulder. As you dragged your feet down the sidewalk you checked your phone, no response. More tears as you walked on, past the academic buildings of your school. Then the door to the math building on your right swung open, and he stepped out. The two of you were stuck there, flustered.

"Y-y/n?" he said in disbelief at seeing you stood before him.

You just stood there like a deer in the headlights, trying not to cry. "Fuck!" you thought to yourself, you assumed he was back at the BAU full time this fall. Sheepishly looking up at the tall man, you took him in- his hair was longer now, curly but messy, and he was wearing his glasses and a blazer. He was just staring at you with that classic concerned look in his big brown eyes, not loving but definitely caring.

You let the tears roll down your cheeks, not knowing what to say to the man before you. With a sigh he gave you a long look of empathy, and pulled you into a tight embrace. In that moment it didn't matter that things had been broken, it only mattered that he was holding you.