Until the End || Levi x Reader Insert Fanfiction

Trigger Warnings: Some descriptions of depressing/suicidal thoughts 

Sleep was a luxury you no longer had, not that you had it in the first place. It had been a week since the worst day of your life since you and Levi had returned within the walls and decided to stay with the Scout regiment. You sighed heavily, looking past the windows and ignoring the fact that the moon shone from high above the clear night sky. You kept staring at the sight as it evoked the memory of the night before the Exhibition, but you quickly put that thought to rest, now painfully aware of the silent room. No longer was it full of Isabel's soft snores, and if you turned around, you knew in the bunk, you would be met with an empty bed above your own, untouched. You were grateful for the fact that you had yet to be assigned a new roommate as you spent days wallowing in the deep silence of your room. Erwin had yet to bother you with the prospect of training which had surprised you, but you knew it would only be so much time before he or some other Scout leader dragged your ass out of your room. Your hands started to tremble again as you grasped tightly at your arms; you could no longer form any tears.

Furlan and Isabel were gone. Your heart still plummeted to the floor at that thought, and your throat clenched desperately, hoping for release, but you could no longer sob about that matter. So, instead, you pictured Furlan's soft, comforting smile and Isabel's wide grin desperately, still hoping this was all a bad dream. The quiet of the room started slowly choking you into a fit of despair as guilt and grief consumed you dully, your head aching from the same revolving events that occurred a week ago. The cold of the air seeped in through the windowsill as you let out a lifeless laugh at the faint reflection of yourself in the window in front of you. Eyebags had started to form upon your dull skin, and red, puffy eyes stared right back at you. Pathetic. Worthless. You felt your guilt slowly turn to anger; it should have been me.

[Flashback]

You silently trot on your horse as you journeyed back to the walls. You could feel Levi's eyes burn the back of your head as he barely let you trot a meter ahead of him. His silent insistence on being by your side had offered slight comfort as you desperately stared ahead, willing not to show any more emotion amongst a crowd of Scouts that had also endured heavy losses during the Exhibition. You could feel the tension and unrest in the air, Levi looking sharply at any foreign sounds and always ready to react. It was an understatement to say, that you were surprised at his swift absence from your side when we had finally returned beyond the walls. When we had made it to the Scout base and dismounted, you caught sight of him walking away, barely catching the grief and anger that flashed across his face as he turned down the hall. "Le-Levi?" you called out to him softly, but enough that he had paused slightly, but unturning, he had continued forward, not even sparing a glance.

You had spent the days that followed trying to catch a glimpse of him, a chance to talk, to comfort each other, anything. But, each time you approached him or called out to him, hoping he would turn to you, he would walk away, eyes flashing with an uncertain emotion but always with anger. Three days had passed, and you had sought him out again, desperate to ask what was wrong, to hope to grieve together, to talk it out and this time he had stopped. Only, this time, maybe it would have spared your heart not to have him stop at all. "[y/n], stay away from me." Levi had kept his eyes low on the ground as he cooly muttered the words to you. Taken aback, you refused to let him walk off, "Levi? I- I don't understand. I just want to make sure you're okay. If you need-" but Levi had cut you off. "What don't you understand [y/n]? I don't need anything from you. Whatever we had, this," Levi had gestured to the both of us, "can't continue." He then looked unflinchingly at the tears that built up in your eyes, even as you saw the dark imprints of sleep's absence under his. "I don't want to see you, I don't want you with me anymore."